Weather is getting colder.
I'm feeling trapped in Houston. Same feelings as in Paris.
Feeling I have a lack of control of my current life.
I'd recommend readers read my previous post before continuing reading this post. Cos it's prone to misunderstanding without context.
Life is as good as it can be in Houston.
There's nothing exceptionally good that's happening, or exceptionally bad.
It's just one day at a time.
Food isn't expensive. Petrol isn't expensive.
Rent is acceptable, car prices are acceptable...
Life is just... flowing by.
And yet, currently, I'm not particularly enjoying myself.
I think being able to stay overseas in Paris and Houston has been good for me.
I've learnt that I don't enjoy it. Without the experience, I wouldn't know.
With the experience, I've learnt that I don't like it. I prefer my life in SG.
It's not that Paris or Houston is bad. SG is just home to me.
The people, the way people react to things, the weather, family, the things I can do, the way things work, etc. I'm just used to it.
Paris and Houston has it's charms. I can see why people would like it. I'm sure many people would love to move overseas to work. Unfortunately, I'm just unable to appreciate what these cities have to offer.
The thing is...
I think... There is this life I want to build, the people around me, the activities, environment, etc.
And all these, I don't feel is found in the US. So for me, life building has been put on hold for the past 1.5 years.
Could I get used to US and the environment? Yes, of course that's possible. If I really needed to.
But I'd prefer not to.
Not to mention, I'm forever the minority here in US, or in Paris.
The feeling is the same... in SG, many people don't really like the influx of migrants from China, Philippines, India, etc... People aren't outright racist about it, but I reckon, many Singaporeans don't like it, and would prefer to have less immigrants.
Similarly, the feelings of the Americans would be the same. I will forever be an Asian. Even Asians born in America, are referred to as Asian Americans. Get it?
Anyway, it's just a passing phase. I'm just feeling grumpy these days cos the days are just dragging by and I'm just hoping that next year comes sooner and hopefully the SHN requirements get lifted from SG so I can visit again in the first half of next year.
It's quite sad, cos in my mind, I'm hoping that this phase of my life passes faster. Which is quite stupid if I think about it, cos it's like... it would mean that I'm hoping that 1 year of my life flies by, means I'm one year closer to dying.
And I try not to do such things, cos I believe that every moment of life should be savoured, like eating a nice meal slowly. Else once the meal is over, then it's over. So I shouldn't be hoping to rush thru the next year.
Oh well, hope the mood improves in the next few days.
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