meaning... please excuse me, beg your pardon, sorry
So if you bump into someone along the street, you can go "paiseh paiseh"
You can feel "Paiseh"... meaning... somewhat embarrassed, loss of face
So if you tell your friend, "Yesterday I fell down whilst running for the bus, felt so paiseh."
But you know... feeling paiseh can affect our decisions in life.
It happens very often, and if we don't overcome it, it may affect us financially or we may lose opportunities.
A very simple example... I've walked into a restaurant (Hoshino Coffee) thinking it might be a nice place to eat, the place doesn't look very posh so it never occurred to me to look at the menu first or check out the pricing... then when I looked at the menu, I realized it was chop pricing. I was seated with my wife, and... well, to her she's pretty used to such pricing or she doesn't realize how expensive it is... Then I looked at her and gave her the signal and said, "Eh this is chop pricing."
So we just pick up our stuff and walk out. That's pretty normal for us... to walk out of the restaurant if we haven't ordered and feel that we don't like the place or aren't comfortable with the stuff we are going to get. It's not like we do it all the time, but rather, if we are in such a situation, we would just leave. It happens once of twice a year.
I know of people who wouldn't do that. They would feel paiseh and just try to make the best of it. The "since we are already here and seated then we might as well just go through with it" mentality.
I think I'm pretty nice... well to nice and polite people at least. So when a telemarketer calls. I know they are probably trying to sell me something.
"Hi are you XYZ, I'm calling from UOB/Prudential/whatever... are you free now?"
Usually I'd ask, "What is this regarding?"
(They're just doing their job, I've done cold calls before so I'm not mean to them.)
Then they will introduce their thing and I'll listen for maybe 30 seconds and say, "I'm not interested."
This is when things may take a fork.
If the telemarketer just says, "Thank you very much."
Then everything is fine and we hang up the phone.
Else, they could start being very annoying... like justifying why the product is so great, or start reading from a script and not even give me the opportunity to speak.
This is when I'll just hang up regardless of whether the person is still speaking or not.
I don't think I'm rude. I've indicated I'm not interested and he/she continued to speak. So... too bad.
There are many people who will continue to carry on with the conversation and "discuss" why they are not interested and try to convince the telemarketer why the product is not suitable for them. And really, I find that I waste of time. It's likely that in the end, there will be no outcome to the "discussion" cos the telemarketer is trained to debate the topic. It's not about being right or wrong, but rather to keep you on the phone.
Telemarketers call hundreds of people a day. It's a tough job being scolded and everything. Some customers are just nasty. I've done it before and I know the feeling. It's nice if someone just listens for a bit. So I try to be a bit nice. But anything further than that, no thanks.
Why feel paiseh to put down the phone? They won't remember you anyway. They just move on to the next number on their list.
Then there are instances when financial advisers would work with a client to do up a lot of documents and numbers. And they would sound so sincere and hardworking. Some clients would just be "nice" and buy something, regardless whether they need it or not. Cos they feel paiseh that the adviser has worked so hard churning numbers and running around doing stuff and it feels so bad to just reject the adviser and leave them without anything.
I'm sure some of you also have been to retail outlets and a sales person serves you so well, that you feel bad not buying whatever item you are interested in. Maybe there is some intention to buy a laptop, and you're there to just check out the laptop cos it's cheaper online, but somehow the sales person was really helpful and knowledgeable, so you may end up buying the laptop cos... well so paiseh if you just walk out when the staff did the job so well...
Feeling shy to chat up girls/boys? Feeling paiseh to ask that guy/girl out?
It's the same thing... people fear rejection... what would the people around me think? Especially those who are around me at that point in time. So paiseh...
Well... no one will remember it. But it could be a lost opportunity for you.
The probability of meeting the same girl/guy again is close to 0%. It's not like in the shows where you find out that they are working in the same company and will be sitting right beside you.
More often than not, you'll never see the person again, and you won't see the people immediately around that area again. Not to mention you may not recognize their faces and they also won't recognize your face.
So never try never know. No point feeling paiseh, cos paiseh is just a fleeting feeling which will pass very quickly and no one will remember it. But maybe meeting that one person might change your life forever.
Feeling paiseh... we feel it all the time. Almost everyday, we don't want to step out of line due to the fear of feeling paiseh. So most of us just follow what is usual, what is expected of us. But I think, we need to be more aware of it. Cos it's just a feeling and if we can overcome it, it could be very beneficial to us. We would do things we really wanted to do and not bother too much about what others think about us.
Note. I'm not saying be irresponsible, like abandon your parents when they are old.
But rather, when there are some decisions to be made, try to leave paiseh out of the picture, and do that thing that you would feel is best IF paiseh was not taken into consideration.
It's like thinking from a 3rd person point of view...
IF I was not paiseh... would I do this? Or would I do that? Would I have made the same decision IF I did not feel paiseh?
And even IF we still make the decision cos we are feeling paiseh, I think self awareness is also good, so that maybe someday in future, we may overcome our paiseh-ness and make a better decision the next time.
Let's not try to corrupt the thinking by saying it's more expensive cos it's better quality food, or better service, or the girl is probably high maintenance. Let's recognize that we DO feel paiseh at times and it is a weakness that maybe someday we might overcome.
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