I'm sure most of you know about the deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade.
And more often than not, it's likely depression.
And you know what? Who knows anyone really?
Everyone has their own struggles.
I was flipping through Facebook the other day. There was this guy...
Always traveling. Australia, KL, SG, he was doing well in his business, going out having drinks with his friends and staff, going for events, meeting important people... and I wonder...
I know a jet setting life isn't fun. Well, at least it isn't fun to me. When I was younger, I thought I would like it. But now, I know that it's not really a fun way to live.
However, it's often taken as a symbol of success. The company is willing to send you overseas. This person must be important right? Else why would a company bother to send him overseas right? So of course people post it online, and bask in the glory of everyone saying "Wow you're so lucky" and in return, the person thinks that this is the right way of life.
Everyone says I'm lucky, they are envious of me, so I must be doing something right... Right?
Even though the person may not be happy with his lifestyle cos it's really no fun.
So he keeps doing it. Cos... he's living the life everyone is dreaming of. The suffering is just part of it right? It's to be expected. I have to take the pain to enjoy the fruits.
And of course the strange thing is the people who are saying that he's so lucky... doesn't have to suffer such a lifestyle, cos it's easy to say how lucky someone is when they aren't living that life.
Most people equate travel with holiday. But when someone is sent on a biz trip, it's not a holiday. There's work to do. People get stressed. It's not a free trip.
It looks so nice flying to Australia, Melbourne, Brisbane, etc... but how true is it? Is he enjoying it?
I don't know...
I'm not saying he isn't. I'm saying I don't know. I wouldn't enjoy it. I know that. I've talked to a number of people who fly around frequently on biz trips. I find that most people don't really enjoy it. Folks who don't go on biz trips regularly will probably never understand.
But, the truth is, don't know how other people feel.
But what I do know is that the whole story is usually not shown on Facebook. So when I see a friend post nice pics, big car, luxurious holidays. I wonder/ask myself.. whats the story behind all these? Is there more to it than meets the eye?
Is he struggling elsewhere? Is he not happy but showing that he's happy? Does he have depression? Who knows?
Even one as successful as Anthony Bourdain who apparently goes around travelling and eating nice food and meeting cool people... he's probably rich.
I'm sure there must be people super jealous of such a lifestyle.
But who knows? Really?
And it's quite ironic really...
The person posting MAY not enjoy what he's doing... but he posts it and gets a lot of envy.
He continues to do it cos he MAY believe that the sacrifice is worth it cos since everyone is envious, he must be doing something right, so he may believe that it's all part of the sacrifice to success.
He MAY feel miserable but continues to do it.
The readers/people seeing it, on the other hand, don't know the pains/sacrifices. They don't know the stress, but they see all these good things and they envy. Cos these are the things which they can't "enjoy"... regular travel, big car, big house, events, meeting up with important people... etc...
So one sides envies without seeing the sacrifices or pressures, and the other side feeds on the envy and convinces himself that it's normal to be in "pain" and continues the journey.
It's like when I tell some of my friends/ex-colleagues that I'm unemployed/jobless/semi-retired/retired...
"Woah so lucky..."
And when I say... well you can do it too. You can't eat nice food all the time, drop the big car, don't travel on your luxurious holidays, etc...
And suddenly from "Woah you're so lucky", it's changed to... "Oh I couldn't do that..."
And it's not as though as I don't have my own pressures to handle.
I question myself a lot...
Is this the right way of life?
Am I going to be idling away til I'm old? Is this ok?
Will I have enough money?
What if I run out of money? Will I be able to find work again?
And of course I try to answer these questions on my own and being prepared.
But being prepared isn't the same as having the solution.
It just means that if I encounter any problem, I'll have an action plan. However, whether that action plan succeeds is unknown. So I do have my mental demons to battle, it's not all fun and roses.
But I digress...
The thing is... it's really easy to see what appears to be success and conclude and forget about the other negatives.
If Anthony Bourdain came up to you and told you... hey I need someone to talk to. I'm really stressed, I'm not happy with my life, I can't take it anymore...
What would you do?
There's a high chance you'd respond by saying... "Hey dude, what's there to be stressed about? You're rich, you travel all around, you enjoy your life man! Chill, there's nothing to be stressed about."
And the person who may be depressed, will go away and hide in a corner and bottle up his feelings cos it's so easily dismissed by others cos people will find it hard to believe that someone so successful is depressed...
And he continues along with his life and continues getting the envy other others...
Until one day, he feels that enough is enough...
So the thing is... we don't know a lot about others.
What we see on Facebook, it's just an illusion. It's marketing. It's what people want you to see of them.
So how much are the updates on Facebook worth? How much does it tell about the situation of your friends and family?
Well... about as much as a company marketing cosmetics. They'll tell you all the good stuff and probably hide away all the side effects.
Everyone has their own struggles. We just don't see it. Cos no one wants to be deemed as weak. Cos showing weakness is a sin... apparently... people are proud, they don't want to show others that under that perceived success, is a lot of other troubles.
We want people to admire us... it validates what we do. So that we can conclude that what we do is the "right way"...
So we show only the nice parts.
If we show all the good and bad parts... then we may not get as much validation from others.
Anyway... I'm getting lor-sorh here...
The point about this post is... everyone has their own struggles. We usually don't get to see it.
What we see on Facebook or at friend's gatherings and all that... MIGHT be just an act to cover up a lot of other troubles... MIGHT or MIGHT NOT...
Doesn't mean all successful people are depressed... Some are, some aren't it's not so easy to identify just by looking at the surface.
So when I look at someone's Facebook... On one hand I might think... "woah so successful"... but yet on the other hand... I also wonder... "What else is he not telling us?"...
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