I'm surprised I've never written about this before. It just never crossed my mind.
Suggested by reader calvi.
...What are your thoughts on having a child? (of course depends on your spouse's views as well) Not missing each milestone of your child growing up years? ...
--calvi
There's a number of ways I've looked at this.
Ok straight off, I'd say, our initial plan is not to have kids.
But currently, it's a bit up in the air.
I still don't really want kids, but my wife has been pretty influenced by seeing all her friends have kids.
Ok so here's the story.
I don't dislike kids.
Actually I do pretty well with kids. I find them very remarkable beings intelligent and cunning. And they learn very quickly how the world works, like how to manipulate their parents/grand parents, and a whole load of other stuff. I find kids very intriguing.
However, like most other aspects about life, I ask myself, WHY do I want kids?
I may like kids, and find them interesting.
Like I may like a premium car and find them appealing, but I may not buy a premium car cos...
There's no good reason to buy it.
So similarly, I ask myself WHY? Why do I want a kid for?
And for me, I have no reason to want a kid besides an interest in them.
And like any other luxury product, there's no real good reason to want them, except to just want them.
If you think too much about it and try to rationalize it, there is really no good reason to buy a luxury car, except the sheer desire to just own one.
As I've mentioned in my earlier posts, I believe that there is no meaning to human existence. We are here just to be here, like any other animal.
However, since we are here, by right, our job/instinct is to procreate.
So by right, I should just have kids, cos it is the natural process.
But since we are humans and are conscious, we can make a decision to have kids or not and not just follow natural instinct.
Another point which I have thought about is... well, I think this society isn't a very nice society for a kid to be in. What? Why?
Well, a normal human life is going to be just being born, then the fun days are early childhood (1-6), studying (7-23), then work (24-65), then retire and die.
In between, the main milestones that they will have is getting married, maybe divorced, buying a house, having kids.
And particularly in Singapore, all these phases in life, I find pretty much unpleasant.
The ridiculous stress and pressure on both child and parent during the study years, the mundane and pointless toils of work, the insane prices of housing, not to mention the lack of options to find a nice quiet corner to relax. Marriage is again expensive, for them to have their own kids, again perpetuates the whole cycle.
You see, in Singapore, it is my opinion that you need to be above average to live well. Else it's no fun living in Singapore. There's a pretty high chance that my kid, or any kid, will fall into the normal routine of stressful study and work and keeping up with the normal expenditure and lifestyle of a normal Singaporean.
So to me, I ask myself, why do I bring a kid into this world to suffer?
Besides my own selfish desire to own one for fun.
Now, IF we ever have kids, this is not an impossible situation...
What would be the perfect scenario?
It would be nice if the world were not run by corrupt politicians and it would be nice if people worked together to make the world a better place with care for the environment.
Everyone knows that they need to take care of the environment, but everyone also says, you do first then I will do.
I would likely want to have a kid in another country where a kid would have the option to choose an easier life in a quieter area of the country, maybe a place like New Zealand?
I would like my child to be in a school with a holistic education to allow the child to explore other topics and try to find an interest to pursue. Even if it's an interest that doesn't make much money.
I would like to provide a small portfolio (trust fund) for the child with a low passive income to start being paid out when the child is 35. Enough for the child to survive for the rest of his/her life but not enough for the child to live in luxury. IF the child wants luxuries, then he/she will need to work for it.
IF we ever have kids, it has been decided that one of us will be jobless to take care of the child.
That's obviously me. Cos I am better with kids than her and she loves her job so she would want to go back to work. I am also more patient with kids and can better train them.
Our parents MUST definitely NOT be involved. We have seen the impact of my parents on my sis's kids and we do not like the outcome.
One key point why I am further hesitant to have kids is that I highly believe that my wife is taking it as a checklist item. Just a part of life to be fulfilled without much personal interest to raise the kid. Raising the child is the hard part, having the child... well, the trick is to get pregnant and give birth.
Based on her interaction with other children (friends & family), I don't particularly see her having an interest in kids.
It's a super long term commitment and should never be seen as a chore. So she needs to understand that it's a lifelong decision. As silly as this sounds, this is not obvious to everyone until AFTER they have kids.
It's not just about keeping the child alive but rather nurturing the child to be good people making sure that they are able to develop well as people for easily the first 25 years of their life.
And I don't want to be doing this alone. Cos I know my wife and how she makes decisions. Most of the time she makes a decision without much consideration and I end up having to finish the job for her. And in this instance, I have no interest to be doing this journey alone after she loses the interest.
Some people may say since it is our own kids, we will never lose interest. I rather believe that people cannot afford to lose interest cos it is their kids. And I would prefer to have more confidence of my wife's continued interest before having a child, along with all the other factors mentioned above.
As for the cost of raising a child, I think that it would increase overall expenses but not by as much as what many people think. Many things are what parents desire for the child and not what is necessary. Many times I see people buying stuff for their own fun which they want to use it to play with the child. They say it is for their child but actually may be cos they want to go and play with the child, so it's actually for their own enjoyment.
Hello? You think swim classes for babies are really for the child's benefit?
So once again, it is the choices made by parents that increase the costs of raising a child.
Instead of spending more time with the child, some parents would rather spend money on the child so that they don't get tired out and the child gets entertained without bothering the parent.
So yep... this pretty much wraps up my feelings towards having a child.
I'm not saying whether people should or should not have a kid. That's their own choice.
I like kids. So don't be mistaken. I just prefer not to have my own at this point in time or in the current environment or the current conditions of society.
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