Recently, I've been going through a rough patch mentally.
Which is why I haven't been posting. Really no mood to write anything or do anything.
A loss of control of my life.
A meaningless existence in the US. Note, I only say in the US.
I'm not engaged in the life here. Like an employee who really doesn't care about the company he works for.
US is a good enough country. No doubt. I've always said. There's no perfect country.
Just good enough countries, and from within a handful of good enough countries, we decide which we want to live in. I've written about this before in this post.
There's no perfect country, we just need to work with the pros and cons and decide which is the country for us.
And I've also written about making changes to life to improve our own circumstances.
I was here before. I wanted the answers to appear. Some circumstance change that would show me the way.
In the end, I was the one who needed to change. The answers appear in many forms. Many different ideas. Suggestions by people, books, online help, etc... But it's up to me to take up the ideas and run with them. When I first started, I just kept rejecting the ideas.
-https://earlyretirementsg.weebly.com/blog/life-isnt-a-storybook-its-an-rpg
I know what needs to be done. I knew the answers. I just didn't want to do them.
Many people have offered ideas. Yes, most of them are the usual suggestions. Find work, find something to do, exercise, get a hobby, play games.
All with good intentions.
But I did not want to do them.
Things felt helpless and I felt trapped. I just wanted to go home. And I still do.
I've walked this road before. It's no easier walking it again.
Life always throws us issues. Some can be settled easily. Others need some time and more effort.
I've managed to avoid big issues after I left my work.
Life was cushy and cruising along nicely in SG. Happy with my spot in life, I had friends and family to play with. Life was good enough. I was contented.
And now I'm here. Halfway across the world. With maybe another year or more, and things felt helpless. A fish out of water with no obvious end in sight.
Of course, this move was also a decision we made. My wife is happy about the move and I'm not.
And of course, there are many people who question why I'm unhappy about my lot. I'm supposed to be "living the dream". I got to travel to Paris and US and got to live in both countries.
Well... That's their dream.
Everyone has their own different dreams and how they want to live their lives and this journey, unfortunately, I embarked upon it without knowing the toll it was going to take on me.
Yes. I expected this journey to be fun. A new adventure in life. In part, it has been so. But after living through it, it is not what I want. So yes, there is a certain level of regret.
And for the past few weeks, or longer, I have been feeling really down about this phase in life.
So what's the answer to this?
What should I do about this?
If you've read the posts I've linked above. And I've re-read the posts... I do re-read my own posts often, cos it helps me focus on my past versus my current self. Helps me reflect upon life and changes in my way of thinking and perspectives.
The answer to my problems are...
1. So what are you (am I) going to do about it?
2. The answer lies within.
If you end up feeling sad that you added the wrong stats. Then... how? What are you going to do about it? Can't do anything right? Quickly move on and enjoy the other parts of the game. Else what's the point?
-https://earlyretirementsg.weebly.com/blog/life-isnt-a-storybook-its-an-rpg
I wrote that post on 7 Jan 2020. One year later. I'm reading it again to encourage myself.
It's like I wrote that post for myself. An ERSG who's in a better state of mind wrote something for his future self, how cool is that.
And my answer is happiness is a decision. Wrote about that in 2016, gosh it's been so long.
There are somethings that can't be changed.
It's like the parameters of a game. And I have to work within those parameters to advance.
There's no point in being unhappy about the parameters.
I am in the US. I don't like it. I've been grumbling about it. And I've been stuck on it.
But that's a parameter. I can't change it easily without significant costs.
It's time for me to accept it.
It was my choice to come to the US. And it's also our choice that we don't leave to prevent any financial penalties.
And that's it. Suddenly I feel so much better.
No. I didn't need to find any work, hobby, other activity.
I was just bounded by my own mental thoughts. I was just unhappy about being stuck here.
And now, I can think of how best to spend my time here.
I am in the US. There's nothing I can do about it. That's a parameter.
Dirty politics, racism, poor COVID management, etc... too bad, that's just part of the deal.
As much as it stresses me, I also have to let those go. Also part of the parameters.
I just have to work around it.
Now that I've acknowledged and accepted the parameters, I can better focus on the positives of being in the US, and the things I can control.
Like eat better food, food is cheaper in the US. Steak, lobsters, etc.
Or I could go on some short trips.
Different mentality. Makes all the difference.
The solution lies within.
Activities which are usually seen as solutions are merely distractions from the problem. Once the activities ended, and reality kicked in again, I got stressed again.
However, once I managed to change my mental state and accepted the problems as parameters. The issues stopped having a hold on me. The issues still exist. But I have chosen to work around them.
And of course, I still look forward to returning to SG.
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