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Just a simple 7 minute clip. Explains everything. Don't act rich. Act your wage. When it's time, then you can be rich and not act rich. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right.
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I've been here for 13 days. I'm starting to get a sense of my expenses for my stay here. All numbers are in US Dollars.  Food expense is expected to be high. It's only been 13 days and we've spent over $200.
We do expect to be eating out on weekends and that's quite expensive. Around $30-$40 for 2 pax, depending on where we eat. A Korean meal for 2, bibimbap & seafood tofu soup is around $35 after 15% tip. US Dollars! Groceries aren't too expensive. We can buy meat and stuff in bulk. $30 worth of beef can last 2 weeks. $20 worth of pork can last 2 weeks. $10 worth of chicken can last 2 weeks. A whole cabbage is around $1 However, recently we bought a bunch of valueless calories. Some assorted chocolates and chips. These are quite expensive. Total spent on this has been around $30. But this will probably last for 1 month. We'll probably cut down on these cos it's just unhealthy. Bought a couple of packs of almonds for snack at $7 per pound. Or around SGD10.50 per 500 gm. Around the same price as SG. I'll probably switch my snacks from chocolates & chips to almonds or other healthier snacks. Household items and toiletries are expected to be quite low, especially after my shipment comes. Cos I have all my detergent, shampoo, bath gels, etc in there. I'm probably going to spend less than what I project. Petrol is relatively cheap here. $2 per gallon or SGD$0.72 per liter. We don't travel around much unless we go out a bit further on weekends. A drive to my wife's office is around 7 minutes away. I've used slightly more than half a tank of fuel for these 13 days. So I'm expecting to pump 15 gallons every 2 weeks. Around $60 per month. Electricity is going to be interesting. There are multiple options available. Multiple different contract durations. Different costs per kilowatt at different times of the day, etc. We opted for a floating wholesale rate of energy. The idea is... we pay a $10 fee to this company which allows us to buy power at wholesale prices. The price changes ever 5 minutes. If the demand is high, the price goes up if demand is low, the price is cheap. From what the company says, they only earn the $10 subscription fee. Most other companies will absorb the risk of the fluctuating energy prices. So they tie consumers in with a contract, then estimate the amount of power a customer will use and estimate the prices of electricity then they will give an average price for the period of the contract. Of course, due to the estimation, the company will have a margin for them to earn their profits and cover any errors in their estimation. The companies will buy power at fluctuating wholesale prices then do their calculation and charge consumers for taking the risk of the changing daily prices. So our electricity bill is expected to jump around a lot as the seasons change. Summer is going to be hot, so many Americans will turn on the air conditioning for long periods. So the prices of electricity will be high in the summer months. I'm hoping that we will be able to survive the heat in summer due to our Singaporean training. So maybe we won't need as much AC as a typical American. I'm hoping that we will be saving money having low power prices during the other seasons. And when the peak season comes, we won't be using as much electricity. Based on reviews for this method, I'm estimating that the electricity bill will be between $30 and $150. Water & Gas is calculated by the apartment management. They take the entire usage for the whole estate and have a method of apportionment based on the apartment and how many people live in the apartment. I'm expecting it to be around $20 per month. Gas is for the hot water in the apartment. Cooking is using electricity. Rent is $1,437 after discounts. We signed a 13 month lease. However, if we choose to stay at this apartment after the term is up, the rent will jump by around 25% cos the discounts will not apply after. Renter's insurance is compulsory for renters, we paid $132 for the whole year. This is if we do anything and someone sues us for it. Like inviting guests to the house and someone slips and falls. Or if my cooking causes a fire and burns someone else's apartment. Home internet is $29.99. However, I expect it to be higher due to taxes and fees. Usually there's always extra taxes on top of the listed price. Too bad that's how it is in US. My own mobile plan is $300 for 12 months. It's a prepaid card. It's the cheapest thing available at an average or $25 per month. I have to fully pay the $300 upfront. BUT there's taxes. So it averages at $27.50 per month. Other plans need contracts to achieve $25 per month and the amount of data I get per month is less. So I decided to just pay $300 straight up and not have to think about mobile plan for the next 12 months. Hopefully I'll be back within the year. Car insurance is crazy expensive. We did a rough check yesterday night and it is around $120-$220 per month depending on car purchased and how long I got my US licence for. Which is... 0 years. I used to pay SGD200 per YEAR in SG. We have a number of one time expenses due to our move here. We had to spend $400 just to apply to stay at the apartment. This is the same for all apartments. So if we decide to move out of this apartment to another place, then we will have to pay application fee to change apartments as well. I'm starting to think we shouldn't have rented this place. Cos the rent will jump after 13 months and we will definitely have to move to another place and we will need to have to pay another few hundred of application fee when we move. Furniture in the house. We need to buy mattress, sofa, laptop table, plates, pots, other miscellaneous stuff. The fridge, dish washer, microwave, oven, washer & dryer are already included in the apartment so no need to buy those. Based on a rough estimate, $500 should be just enough to buy the stuff required to set up the house. We're planning to get a cheap car. Hopefully less than $5000. As long as it runs with minimal issues, I'm not too fussy. The decision is whether we should buy a cheap car or lease a car. Anything more than 6 months, buying a car is cheaper. However, there's more issue cos we need to maintain it, pay for repairs, and sell it when we leave. If we lease, we can just return the car. There will be some breakage fees for returning the car early but we're expecting the company to pay for those if they send my wife back before the 2 years is up. We had to buy a modem & router for our home internet. It's $75.20 but after tax it ended up as $82 or something. I forgot the amount. So yea... that's the issue. We don't know the tax until after we buy the item. So these are the amounts I'm expecting for the coming months. I still have my usual Singapore expenses, like insurance and all that. There's a few things missing. Like medical insurance which is covered by the company. So it's not entirely reflective of a normal American household. I'll probably update the actual numbers end of Feb after I've moved to my permanent apartment. Remember, all numbers are in US Dollars. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. What if I told you that nothing in this world exists?
What if you're the only thing conscious that is in this world? Think about this. How do you know I exist as a living entity? As a consciousness. You believe I exist, cos you exist. You believe that, because you think, you have a consciousness, that other beings that look like you, other human beings, also have independent thoughts and consciousness. BUT you can never know for certain. The only thing I, can be certain of, is that my thoughts are real. My feelings are real. Only in my own world. Maybe all of you don't exist. Maybe I'm living in a dream and everyone else is just a figment of my imagination. MAYBE... I'm really living in an RPG and everyone else is an NPC. (Non playable character, just a computer generated character which brings life to the game, but is programmed by code.) I might believe that they are like me, cos they look like me, but in reality, they might just be NPCs. When we play RPGs, we know who are the NPCs, if it's not an online game, EVERYONE is an NPC. How do we know that life ISN'T the same? How would you live your life, if no one else was real? Are they real? How can you confirm that they are real and not some illusion in a computer game? How do you know you're not living an illusion in your own mind? If you knew that everyone isn't real, would you care what other people think about you? Would you care what an NPC thinks when you play a game? Does an NPC even think? How do you know that I'm not just a NPC created by the game to type out things to create some variety in the game? Or, how do I know that readers aren't just NPC that make me feel that someone is reading my posts? So... If we can't determine how "real" the other aspects of our life is, of our society, etc... Then why do we bother so much about what other people think? Why don't we live our lives the way we want to live? Would you care if you're rude to an NPC? Why not scold the irritating auntie at your lunar new year gathering? Think about it... How would you live your life if everyone else is an NPC and YOU are the only playable character. And maybe YOU ARE the only character in this game. Why are you trying to impress NPCs? Why do you live by the rules of NPCs? What I personally can determine is... I will die if I don't eat, breathe, drink, etc etc... So I need to work in this "game" to earn in game currency to buy resources. Once I have done that, I don't need to think about in game currency anymore. If I personally enjoy earning more in game currency, then sure, I can continue. But if not, then I can do anything I want. Yes, there are laws in this game. I can't just go around murdering NPCs and stealing stuff from the shop. So, can't be helped, I need to play by some game rules. Or, I could actually rob the bank and be on the run, that's another way to play the game right? So the only thing I can confirm is... I exist... Everyone else... I can only say... not sure. Maybe everyone else exists. But maybe they don't So I personally conclude... That I'll live my life the way I want. Cos... maybe everyone else is NPC and I don't want to live based on the perceived expectations of NPCs. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. Okay... So here's an interesting lesson I stumbled upon when I was watching Youtubes for fun. Just watch from 0:31 to 1:32 The rest of the show isn't really important unless you're interested in whiskeys. It's better if you just watch 1 minute of the clip. The effect is better. Essentially, everyone likes something different. And that's their choice. And who are we, you, me, to say that it sucks. A good whiskey is a whiskey you like to drink. A good wine is a wine you like to drink. A good life is a life you like to live. Some people like carrot cake, some don't, some folks like black carrot cake, some like white. Heck, some people like Hongeo-hoe, which is fermented skate, it's a Korean dish... (Just for fun, cartilaginous fish, like sting rays, sharks, don't have piss organs as in they don't urinate, they excrete their uric acid through their skins. So after they catch the skates, which is a kind of ray. The residual uric acid on their skins will ferment the fish. As they ferment, ammonia is produced which helps preserve the flesh and gives the fish its distinctive, powerful odor. The natural preservative effect of the fermentation process on skate meat was noted by Korean fishermen as early as the 14th century, during the Goryeo dynasty, long before refrigeration was invented. It was found that skates were the only fish that could be transported over long distances or stored for extended periods without rotting, even in the absence of salt.) Anyway, the point about this post is... don't shit on what other people like or don't like. It's not nice. Don't say something that someone eats is disgusting, don't say it sucks. Like a show, you may like a show, someone else may not. You may like lobsters, someone else may not... AND ESPECIALLY WINES... The most snobbish of all food/drinks. Some folks like sweet wines, some like them lighter, some like them with more body, etc... The whole idea of... "oh you like this kinda wine... manz you don't know what you're talking about man.", this kind of mentality makes a simple drink a snobbish activity. Ending... Well, we all like different things. For many things, it's none of our business what other people like. We aren't talking about crime and slavery and stuff like that. So when people want to do something that doesn't affect you... Or they prefer something over something else... Don't comment about it. Don't give them some strange looks to make them feel inferior. Just... smile, cos I'm sure you like something which someone else feels is ridiculous as well. Like... some people like watered down coffee... and that's ok. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. I haven't talked about this before.
Or maybe I never even thought about it before. But now that I think back, I did experience this. We all know that retiring early is not normal. And it's ingrained in us that we need to work til we are old. So much so that this expectation becomes the norm. The idea is so normal, that even I, myself, have it ingrained in me. And the thing is... when I left my job. I did feel guilty being unemployed and not being "productive" in the traditional sense. When I was young, my parents told me, finish your homework, then you can go and play. When I'm older... the Government tells us to finish our homework only at 65 years old. Then we can play. It's implied, even though, by right, we can play anytime we want. However, because we are so used to having someone else set dates and goals for us since young, we naturally just work until the next benchmark date. It's like primary school, then secondary school, then tertiary education, then work, then get married, buy HDB, then have kids, then retire at 65. This is the "right" way to play the game. And if I missed out any of the steps. Means I didn't follow the right path. So when I retired early. I did feel guilty. Now that I think back, I think the feeling is of guilt. I didn't recognize the feeling when I was younger as I was living through it. The idea that I was playing before I finished my homework. Cos my homework ends at 65 years old. And I think this happens cos since young, we just follow the path. At least in SG. I'm not sure about other countries and the expectations parents/society has on kids overseas. But at least in SG, I was brought up to follow the path, and when I didn't follow the path, I felt bad about it. This happened when I was in school also. I was quite good at studies. I could score pretty decently with not much study. But I also didn't want to put in more effort to get even better scores. But technically, I already finished my homework. I could do more, but I didn't want to. But since everyone else was still studying or putting in more effort, I would feel bad about it. When I sat for my accounting A levels, it was 3 hours per paper. There were 2 papers, so it's 3 hours + 3 hours. For both of the papers, I finished my paper in 1 hour. Leaving me with 2 hours to do nothing. I was looking around doubting myself. I was thinking, what's wrong, did I miss out a whole bulk of the paper? Did I forget something? Did I misunderstand the question. And I think that's how we look at the world. We always compare ourselves against others. That's the only way to have a reasonable benchmark. Else there's no such thing. There's no such thing as normal. If I was the only person on Earth. There's no benchmark. There's no right way or wrong way. But because there's other people around us, we look around and have a perception of what's considered average of the people around us. And when I left my job, my average around me were still working. And I felt like I was doing something wrong. And I think for other people, they might feel that they are doing something wrong also. To be playing when they "should" be working. You're still supposed to be doing your homework at 35 years old, 45, 55, etc... It's not easy looking around and I was doing something different from others. It takes a lot of self confidence. If you're someone like me, if you're young and retired and you're feeling a lack of confidence. Then I'd like to encourage you to have faith in yourself. Even if you're 45, 50, 55... It's easy to have no confidence as well, cos many people are still working, when maybe in your mind you are wondering why everyone is still working when by right, you already have enough money to live frugally and take life easy already. I'd like to say, there's absolutely nothing wrong with playing or enjoying yourself. There's no homework to finish. You don't need to wait for your "parent" or Government to tell you that you have finished your homework and are now allowed to play. This is your life. You can go and play anytime you want. You can do your homework anytime you want. You can work, stop, rest, play, then go back to work again, or do anything. There's really no right or wrong way to do this. So don't need to feel bad about it, or guilty like how I felt. If you, personally, feel that you have finished your homework, then by all means, go and enjoy your play, and don't look back. You deserve to play early cos you finished your homework earlier than everyone else. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. Many people think that with money they will be secure, or feel secure.
This is not entirely true. With money, you can feel secure, or you can feel insecure. Without money, you can also feel secure or insecure. There is also a potential false sense of security. Many people are insecure. Cos we have never been taught to feel secure. Just look within the FIRE community. There are folks with a million or two in their assets and they still don't feel secure enough to FIRE. Whereas some people may feel $500k is enough to FIRE. Others may feel $200k is enough. Remember, FIRE doesn't mean sit around do nothing. This person could go and take some simple fun jobs and earn some pocket money. With money... You CAN feel secure. But with money you also CAN feel insecure. Of course it's easier to feel secure with more money than less money. But it doesn't mean that it's EASY to feel secure. Similarly, there are people with less that feel secure. Doesn't mean they need to FIRE. But some people are more chill in life. They may be working in a $3k job with a family to feed, but they are comfortable and they aren't worried too much about the future. I've found that the more I think about, the less secure I feel. Of course, it's a balance. If I think about everything, then I'll feel insecure about a lot of things. If I don't think enough, then maybe I'll think that I'm secure when actually I'm not. So what is security? The state of being free from danger or threat. This could be applied to almost ANYTHING. Crossing the road, financial security, health, home protection, insurance, getting robbed, potential for war, etc. If you think about everything, you'll never feel secure. Same as financial security. If you think about everything, you'll never feel secure. What if the market crashes? What if inflation increases by a lot? What if I fall sick? What if my family...? Etc etc... So many scenarios. When you started out on your early retirement journey, how much did you think you needed? $500k? $1mil? $2mil? Have you reached that goal? Have you retired early? Why not? What has changed? Inflation? No, that has always been there, you've probably taken that into account when you first started the journey. Did your lifestyle get more expensive? Maybe but was it by much? Most likely, as you earned more and saved more, you ended up thinking of EVEN MORE scenarios to be insecure about. Or you may arbitrarily have increased the margin of safety by 500%. And when you hit that target, you raise it again by 100% again. Now, of course, I believe that anyone can life anyway they want. If they need more security they SHOULD get as much security as they need to feel secure and not afraid. I'm just highlighting this to readers. That maybe it's just a sense of insecurity instead of real insecurity. Or maybe just inertia of just typing out an email or letter to say that you want to resign. Cos it's easy to just wake up and dress up and just go to work. It's a habit. People like habits and routines. Thing is, anything mental is harder than physical. Overcoming mental blocks like insecurity, self esteem, habits, is a lot harder than just going to work and earning more money. Or... searching for happiness via material things vs overcoming your own mental barriers. It's easy to watch TV and marketing material, and just listen to them tell you... "You'll be happy just as long as you buy... whatever." As compared to... some program which says, "You need to look within yourself and find yourself, and when you do, you'll find happiness." Which is an easier goal to strive for? Whether it works or not... well it's not the problem for the marketer right? What I'm trying to get with this post is pretty much... A lot of things happen in the mind. A sense of security, being secure, self esteem, discipline, etc. Money, is a different matter. Are they somewhat correlated? Yes, probably, but they aren't absolutely the same. And with some money, confidence, discipline and a willingness to adapt and change, I think people can take better control of their lives and be happy. (Since I believe that happiness is the starting point of any goal.) <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. I've moved to Houston, Texas.
Life is pretty normal. Nothing out of the ordinary for the first few days. Just settling into my temporary accommodation for 2 weeks before we move to our rental apartment. We went to do some grocery shopping at Walmart over the weekend. The thing that struck me was that, unlike Singapore, the supermarkets are consistently cheaper as compared to another supermarket. For example, in Singapore, NTUC is cheaper than Cold Storage. Sheng Shiong or NTUC is pretty comparable, but we just go whichever is more convenient cos we usually have only one supermarket around where we stay. Whereas in Houston, I have to drive to the nearest supermarket maybe 15 minutes away. Walmart is one of the cheaper alternatives. There are also a number of other cheap supermarkets around. And they are all around the same level of convenience. No matter what, I need to drive. Somethings in Walmart are cheaper, somethings in another comparable supermarket is cheaper. Somethings are more expensive, etc... When I was at Walmart, I realized that... I just have to buy whatever I need when I'm there. It makes no sense to travel to another supermarket looking for a couple of products and comparing prices. Furthermore, it's not easy comparing prices. It's not like in SG, when we go out and we will walk past a supermarket at Suntec or Vivo City as we are just walking around. Over here, I have to make a dedicated trip to the supermarket to buy stuff or compare prices. Petrol prices aren't particularly expensive, it's just the hassle of driving 15 minutes somewhere else just to check prices or pick up only one or two items. This is very new to me. Cos in Singapore or even in Paris, it's convenient to check prices or just walk to the next supermarket to check things out. I can now understand why online shopping and paying for delivery or food delivery is a big thing. Simply cos... it really is more inconvenient over here. Now, don't misunderstand. It's not bad. It's really easy to drive out and parking is free and most people have a car. The thing is, can you imagine doing this for small items over and over again? In SG, we just go down and buy some food, or we go down to the neighbourhood supermarket to pick up a couple of items. It's really convenient and we can just go down in our slippers and come back in maybe 15 minutes. Whereas in Houston, I have to change to slightly nicer clothes, go down, drive 15 minutes out, buy something, and drive back. Food, groceries, household equipment, etc. It's just more inconvenient. It's different. So I'll just have to work around it and plan what I want to buy and all that. I'm not complaining. It's just an observation. Also, I have a washing machine and dryer over here in the apartment. In SG and Paris, I also have both of these appliances. However, I usually do not use them. Cos I have a place to hang the items for drying in both SG and Paris. In my current apartment, I don't have anywhere to hang my clothes, so I just throw them all into the dryer and it's dry in 45 minutes. Then I can just fold them. Super easy. I'll likely have a place to hang my clothes in my new place cos it's bigger and I can fit a hanging rack in the apartment. But in my temporary accommodation, I just take the easy way out. Since I don't need to handle the utilities bill in this place for now. If you all haven't tried using a dishwasher, I recommend you try it out once at least. I've never tried using a dishwasher. I've always heard it's useful. Yesterday I tried using it. And frankly, it's awesome. I can cook multi step dishes, use 2, 3, 4 pots or pans, use a spoon, or fork to test the food, use multiple plates to serve the food. And at the end of the meal, I just put everything into the dishwasher and turn it on and I can go and watch TV, and in an hour or so, it's all done. I don't need to think about it at all. It's amazing. Of course all these... is not free... I can now totally understand why people get used to the convenience of online shopping, food delivery, washing and drying, dishwasher, and it really makes a lot of sense. If you have the money and enjoy these... it really is a nice luxury. It's the same as subscribing to Netflix. Having shows on demand. It's a nice luxury too. And, I think all these is fine. It's ok to consume these things. As long as you really consume it and it improves your life. If you love watching shows and it's your main entertainment, then by all means, subscribe to Netflix. Cos that's going to be cheaper than going out and getting movie tickets and eating out. Or if a dishwasher is really going to improve your life, then I think, by all means get one cos it's going to be used and it's worth the expenditure. But if you buy things that will go out of fashion, or buy it and keep in the storeroom, then I think that's a real waste. Or even getting a Grab/Uber... I'm a bit stuck on that. It's really convenient, and when I'm back to visit in SG, I think I'll use it often, cos I don't have much time in SG and I need to get around quickly to meet up with friends. Overall, I think... well, if you can afford it, and it improves your life, why not? Of course all these is a balance between spending, saving, retirement, etc... If the maths work out... well... why not? I think I've changed... last time, when I was younger, I would think that saving is the most important. But now, I'm more chill about this. It's a balance between being comfortable, convenience and savings and retirement. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. Another YouTube clip. So simple. So powerful, except, probably very hard to do for many people. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. Recently a reader contacted me to ask me how I would handle this particular situation, and he's ok that I do a post about this.
The reader had a breakup with his longtime partner and was extremely devastated about it, as it was very unexpected. Her reason was that their relationship had gotten so routine that there was no more romantic love. He wonders if he was too focused on pursuing FI and maybe he should have spent more time with her to keep the spark in their relationship. This is a very interesting question. This situation happened to us previously. My wife (girlfriend at that time), complained about the exact same thing. I don't remember when, but it was within the first 2 years of our relationship. Things had settled down and we didn't go out much. We stayed at home a lot and played mahjong with my parents and my sis and her boyfriend. We still went out, but not as much as when we were first dating. And she wasn't happy with this and we had a discussion about it. My position was this. I explained to her. There is no such thing as a forever hot and spicy romance. It's not like the shows. Life IS boring. Things WILL settle down. Things will become a routine and we have to accept that. Life's like that. We can go out sometimes and enjoy ourselves, but by and large, life will settle down into a routine. And lucky for me, she accepted that positioning. Now... this could have failed. She could potentially have not accepted my reasoning and we might not be together now. So it really depends on the girl and whether she believes this kind of reasoning. Maybe she could find someone else who could give her a forever firey romance. I don't know if such a thing exists, maybe it does. I don't know. Currently, I don't feel the same love for my wife as when we first got together. It's not the same kind of boy girl relationship kind of thing. I would say my feelings (our feelings?) has matured into a different kind of love. One of trust and comfort, instead of the exciting boy girl relationship of our twenties. Losing my wife... It's not something which I haven't thought about. Actually, I think about this regularly. I think what would happen if I lose my wife. Now, it's not that I'm hoping that I lose my wife. But this is life. Anything can happen. She might leave me? She might go out for work and not come back. Anything can happen, you never know. I've had young friends who have passed away, just 1-2 years off my age, and they passed away a few years back, so they were like... 31 and 35. I always remind myself of their deaths. It keeps me grounded. So I tell myself to live life well. And to live life with my wife well. Of course, death is a different matter. Cos I can't really blame myself. And there's a good chance that the reader might blame himself, or look at himself and think, "What if... If only I...". However, at this current point, there is no "what if". This has happened. There is not much that can be done about it. Thinking about "what if" serves no purpose. From this perspective, there is little difference from the loss of a loved one. This has happened. There is nothing much that can be done about it. You cannot turn back time. When we live our lives, we are the main character. Of course right? And in any storybook, movie, film, most of the time, the story ends well for the main character. There's always a deus ex machina, that we hope will save our a$$es. Cos that's what happens in movies and shows. (Deus ex machina is sudden random things happening based on pure luck to help the main character get out of an impossible situation.) I learnt this doesn't happen in real life quite early. I lost a lot of money twice trading derivatives. That's it. There's no second chances. There's no sudden stroke of good luck where the market reverses and I make back everything. And very quickly, I realized that life doesn't always play out well like in the shows, where nothing can go wrong. You have to make the best out of each situation and learn and move on quickly. For a while, I woke up feeling, why did I make those investments, if only I... But... that doesn't do anything. Staying in that moment doesn't achieve anything. It's over. The money is lost. I cannot turn back time. Now, of course, it's easy for me to say, move on, or what's next? Cos it didn't happen to me. I understand that it will take time, but that is all there is to it. Cos time has passed, there's not turning back time. The question is rather, what's next? There are other steps. Is it still possible to win her back? Will she understand? Is she someone who gets used to a new normal? For example, even if the reader went out with her more often, would she in turn get used to that. And again say that their life has fallen into a routine and the outcome could have been the same as well. Does she expect the same flutterings of the heart like a new romance? I highly doubt this is possible for long relationships. Maybe her expectations need to be changed? If I suddenly lost my wife, due to whatever reasons. There would be a sudden emptiness. There's a lot of things I do cos my wife is around. I don't travel, I don't cook unless she's eating, I don't go out, cos I'm happy staying at home. Will I move on? Of course I'll move on. It's a matter of time. Will I find someone else? I don't know. We'll see if it ever happens. It will take time. It's like the show "Inside Out" by Pixar. There's a time to feel joy and a time to feel sad. And I think it's ok to feel sad. Give sadness, the time it needs. But don't indulge it. An important thing I learnt in my journey is "acceptance". To control what I can control to the best of my ability. And let go of the things that I can't control. I am not helpless, but I am also not all powerful. At this point, what's there left to do? Try to win her back? Move on with life? Find someone else? Learn from the experience and adapt? Note, I didn't say learn from your mistakes. Cos I don't think it's necessarily a mistake. Could be wrong time wrong girl? Could be different expectations? Could be didn't have the conversation early in your relationship? Of course it could well be the reader didn't spend enough time with her. But, even if he was focused on FI, he could still spend time with her even though he may not spend much money on her. But since she wasn't happy with the routine romance, I personally believe, it isn't about the time spent with her. Could this have been prevented? Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes you meet the right girl at the wrong time, or the wrong girl at the right time, etc etc. Maybe she needs to have more experience with relationships to find out that most, if not all, relationships end up in some form of routine. We could talk about the possibilities forever. But... there's only one thing now... This has happened. There is nothing much that can be done about it. You cannot turn back time. Personally, if this happened to me, I'd fill my life with other activities. Cos I think staying at home and thinking about it isn't constructive. I'll likely go exercise more, set a goal, like run a marathon, or go out and meet and hang with friends. Take up a language class, it's a goal, plus I may get to meet other people. The only way is to move on. It will also take time to move on. And you have to forgive yourself, if you blame yourself for the situation. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. I sometimes wonder. What do people want in life?
Somehow, I come down to the conclusion that people want to be happy, or happier. (Or prevent sadness or misery, so I'll be using the term "happy" for both these ideas, making yourself happy or happier, OR also to prevent sadness or misery.) I might be wrong. So I wonder... are there other scenarios or wants that others have? Like, if I work hard and I'm miserable now. But it's probably cos I want or hope to earn more so that I hope that with more money I can be happy. Or people may enjoy their work and that makes them happy. Or people buy things in the hopes that the stuff they buy makes them happy. That's what humans are and do right? Personally I don't know anything else to live for. Even if parents say they sacrifice for their kids, it's also to make themselves happy. Cos if the kids are miserable, then probably the parents themselves also feel sad. I hope that readers can give some comments on this. Either to counter my position or add on to it. Cos I personally can't find anything else to live for. Or I don't get what drives other people. Even delayed gratification is for someone to delay immediate gratification for MORE happiness in future. Even our bodies are designed that way. Happiness is a hormone/drug which our bodies produce. It's a reward drug for doing something. So when we do certain things, our bodies release the happiness to tell ourselves... "Well done. Now do that again." People who sit on a roller coaster don't expect to die, they feel the fear and exhilaration of the ride. It's supposed to be fun. Even people into BDSM enjoy the pain. People in depression don't want to be depressed. They just don't know how to get out of it. So I've come to this conclusion. That everything a person does has his own happiness at heart. Or at least this person hopes to gain more happiness by doing a certain action/deed. Whether the person achieves it, is a different matter. Like people like to work and buy stuff, cos marketing tells them that all their sorrows will end when they buy enough things, or earn enough money. This may or may not be the solution for everyone. And most of the time, this isn't the solution, but... I think many people are driven by the potential happiness from working or earning enough money. They hope for happiness by doing a certain thing. But maybe they won't achieve it. But their actions are driven by their own quest for happiness. That's my analysis. So for people who say, "I want to earn a lot of money in life." Do you really want to earn more money in life? Or is it, I want to be happy in life and I hope that earning more money will make me happy? Or for people who want to be traditionally successful, ie work a good paying job, get a big house, a big car, travel the world, etc... Do they really want all these? Or do they hope that having all these will grant them the happiness they are looking for? Did many people lose their way? Since young, no one told us to be happy. Our parents told us to go and work and earn money. We didn't know why. I didn't know why. I just needed more money so that I didn't starve and I could buy a house and have a family. And so started this mindless pursuit for money. Or some might be taught to just work hard. You must be hardworking to be successful in life. So some people might just work hard and hope it somehow works out. They may not be working smart, or doing the right work! They could just be... aimlessly busy. SO... Do you know what YOU want in life? Is it as simple as just being happy? And everything else is just your perceived path to this illusive happiness which you didn't know you were looking for? Are you even looking in the right place for this happiness? Think about it. <<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>> Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls. You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right. |
This is the link to my first post... how it all started...
Mindset changes throughout the years How I make use of my wife An Interesting Email AuthorMale, born in 1982. Archives
November 2022
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