This video is something which I've pretty much been talking about...
There's no rush, everyone is different, if you're comparing against someone else, that's your OWN problem. In the end, it's really just your own life. 

I don't really like how the clip is presented, but I like the message which it contains... so I reckon it's worth watching. 

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I'm just gonna copy and paste this, cos I want to remember this and I don't want the link to break someday in future. 
A lot of stuff I've said before, but always good to have a reminder. 

https://www.inc.com/matthew-jones/20-brutal-truths-about-life-no-one-wants-to-admit.html

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It's very easy to forget... what are wants and what are needs. 
Really...

I'm just coming up with a list of WANTS that many of us have conveniently classified as NEEDS... Furthermore, many of us are so fixated on this that we aren't willing to downgrade to a normal/logical level of consumption, further rationalizing it as convenient, lazy, it's affordable, and all kinds of other excuses. 
I won't explain much on each point, you should know what I'm talking about.
I'm not even talking about the luxuries or fancy bags, just simple stuff which we take so much for granted that we think that they are needs. 

1. First on the list... Mobile and data. Anything more than 3GB per month is excessive. 
Unless you are really really really so busy, which I doubt. 

​2. Travel... Once a year? Twice a year? How about once every 2 years? Why not? 
Staycation is even worse, why not just stay at home? 

3. Housing reno? $20k-$30k? False ceiling? In built cupboards? This is not even talking about furnishing. 
It's become the new norm yea?

4. Nespresso capsules definitely taste a lot better than instant coffee right? It's only $0.60 per pop anyway. Even cheaper than the coffeeshop coffee. 

5. Netflix/Cable? Is this really necessary? There are many other alternatives online, if you know where to look. 

6. Facebook, Instagram, Social media, handphone games, the need to be constantly entertained and stimulated at all times of the day. 

7. Fancy clothes to exercise. You need a t-shirt, shorts, shoes, probably undies and socks. Seriously you aren't pro, no matter how good you think you are. There are folks who do it on a competitive basis, most of us aren't 

8. A gym membership. You need a t-shirt, shorts, shoes, probably undies and socks.

9. A lot of other clothes... Steve jobs and Mark Zuckerberg wear the same clothes everyday. Nuff said. White top, black pants, good material, people will know you aren't wearing the same clothes all the time.

10. Integrated shield plans... You want better service at private hospitals. Medishield Life just isn't good enough.
​
11. Paying money for weekend entertainment. Movies? Dinners? Why? Lazy to think of free alternatives?

​12. Upgrading the house... seems like it's so normal for people to want to move to condo if possible, it's the next phase in life isn't it? 

​13. Upgrading the items in the house... Nothing better to do? Buy stuff, new chairs, new coffee table, new rug, new TV, bigger TV. 

14. Upgrading your food... Upsize your McDonald meal? Need a McLatte for your meal? Add extra ingredients into your chicken rice? Add egg and call for drumstick? Upsize the prawn to jumbo prawn when you order prawn noodles?

15. Aromatherapy for the home? Need the house smelling super nice? Using Mt Sapola? Why not just keep the house clean and well ventilated? 

16. Do you really need to use liquid detergent? Dynamo? Powdered detergent is almost half the price of liquid detergent. 

17. Organic food/groceries? Seriously?

18. Air conditioning... So used to sleeping in air conditioning are we?

19. Home internet speed? Do you really need 1gbps? What's wrong with 300-500mbps?


​Wah. I cannot think of anymore leh... probably there's a load more stuff that I forgot about, but as I always say, I don't encounter them in my life so I don't think about them... 



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Woah this is a good streak. 
Many comments by readers which allow me to express more things. 
Especially things that don't impact me... 
Cos when things don't impact me, I don't think about writing about it. Cos I don't even know it needs to be written about.
​

So you guys might think I'm mad. 
All of us should know what is inflation... but yet strangely, I don't think I've ever written about it. 
Cos... yea... it doesn't affect me...
What the hell?!?!

I'll the story short... How much can you eat? 
If you understand this statement, there's nothing much to read below. 

Otherwise, here we go. 
So when I started work, around 25 years old, expenses was around $2,000 per person? Something like that I suppose. That's what we earn, so can't be much more than that. 
And since then, 10 years or so back til now... well... $2,000 or so is still the pay of quite a bunch of people. 

When I was working, we went out to eat for lunch, drinks, whatever. Phone bills, no utility bills cos we usually stay with our parents. Maybe we buy some clothes, whatever...
Ok. Chai-png at lau pa sat was around $3.50 at this time... depending on what you ordered.

Then life goes on, your friends get married, I close in on 30 years old, we don't go out as much. We still eat lunch out if we're working, drinks, whatever... blah blah...
Ok. Chai-png at lau pa sat... is still around $3.50...
Although I do admit other types of food, like fishball noodles, ban mian, have increased in price, maybe percentage wise, we are talking about 15%... $3 to $3.50, or $4 to 4.50... whatever.

Now I'm 35... I live with my wife, our expenses has changed, we have our own bills to pay, we go out less, blah blah blah... chai-png is still around $3.50... 

Ok so what am I getting at? Simply put, how much can we eat? Even if we eat fishball noodles. The expense increase is likely $4 per day times 20 working days = $80 and if we increase by $0.50, it's going to be $90. Hardly a dent in expenses on a monthly basis. 

Now, I do think inflation is real, but extremely over-hyped. 
My lifestyle has changed throughout the years. But, I made do with what I had. 
Most of the time, if you only have $2,000 in the bank, you will make do with $2000. 
Which is why I wrote previously about getting my salary in one bank account, but I will transfer $2000 to my float account and spend only from my float account. So basically, I never had an increment for years. So I just made do with the $2,000. Or whatever number I set years back. 

It's quite simple really. If you spend $0, then inflation is well... ZERO.
If you spend $1,000, then... yea you get the picture. 

So... how much CAN you eat? 
The question quickly becomes one of changes in our lifestyle. 
Or rather... Lifestyle Inflation. 
Now this... is more serious. 

The baseline is simple. 
We need a home, food, insurance, utilities, phone bills, Town council, property tax, medical, transport. 
If you don't work, all the above still need to be paid. Well... for most people.

If you work, you have what I would call working expenses such as income  tax, better clothes, socializing expenses, eating out, entertainment to relieve stress, and here is where it usually adds up...

So I really do wonder... where has inflation hit me? 
If a restaurant increases their price, I just stop going. I used to go to "Itacho" for sushi. They increased their prices so I stopped going and looked for alternatives. 
Like buying cheaper sashimi, and eventually cutting the habit anyway.
Cos that's what it is... Itacho is a lifestyle choice, or lifestyle inflation. 
It's not that I don't eat sushi or jappy food entirely, I just find other alternatives once the value proposition doesn't make sense anymore. 
I remember when we used to be dating and I went to Swensons cos that was cheap enough to bring a date to, but fairly good enough place to eat. Now, Swensons would be overpriced if I were to be a youngster again, so I'd likely bring a date to Saizeriya if I was at that age now. You can get a fairly good western meal at a good price, and no 10% service charge too. 

Telcos used to be cheap, then they forced their prices upwards and made users pay for unnecessary speed and data which I didn't need, so I ended up doing my $4 mobile "plan". 
All time low, I haven't found anyone who has beat this plan yet and still retained some form of connectivity. 
​But a normal user should be getting the SIM only plan at around $25 per month. Anything more than this is a lifestyle choice. 

When I was younger, we really went out to eat dinner very often. After work, my wife/gf and I would go out instead of going home to eat. So spending $60 per night once or twice a weekday would be very normal. Those days, we didn't need to pay for household stuff, utilities, etc... 
But as things moved along, we just naturally made the transition to eat at home. Not cos we wanted to save money, but rather, we grew older. We can't keep eating rich expensive food, which is probably less healthy. Saving money just naturally came along. 
Til the current situation where I cook Sundays through Fridays. Cos we are just "old" folks hanging around at home. Saturday is spent at our parents place so I don't cook on Saturdays. Sometimes we still go out, but it's seldom. Once again, it's not cos we want to save money, it's just a natural transition, especially since I don't work, so I can cook, and she's happy eating what I cook. 
Every time we go to KL, I miss my own cooking, cos it's a lot less heavy and salty. Some steamed rice, a little bit of meat and/or vegetables. Less oil, less salt, but still flavorful. 

Transport has become more expensive though, bus and MRT prices have almost doubled. But I don't travel much in general. And if you travel daily cos of work then the income should cover the transport expenses. And once again, this also becomes, how much can you spend on transport? How much does it impact your monthly expenses? 

You see... inflation in itself doesn't really leave any mark when looking at basic expenses.
But once you look at lifestyle inflation, the numbers become eye boggling. 
I could eat at Saizeriya for around $30 for the 2 of us, or we could go to a fancy steak restaurant (Lawry's) at $150 for the 2 of us. If we do that once a week, then the numbers quickly add up. Let's not even talk about inflation. 
An additional $120 for 4 weeks is almost $500 more per month. 
Even a once a month lifestyle habit hurts more than inflation ever could. Assuming you don't have a lavish lifestyle in the first place. 

I would think where inflation really hurts is property prices/rental and medical expenses. But I don't think about these too much, cos there's not much I can do about them. I've already bought my place so my housing is settled. And medical insurance is... well pretty affordable. Not cheap, but still fairly ok. It could be worse. 

Now all the above is if I kept my lifestyle pretty constant. $2,000 per month is manageable currently, but all of us like a good deal, so there's all the promos which we play with and freegan stuff which I am involved in... all these allow us to live a richer life than what we really spend on. Like one for one promos are good marketing for restaurants. They are supposed to introduce you to the place and you're supposed to love the food so much that when they withdraw the promo, you're supposed to return and be willing to pay full price. But that's not the case for me or at least the frugal community shouldn't be so easily swayed. If the promo disappears, we're supposed to disappear along with it and find other deals to enjoy. There's always another deal out there. And of course, the best deal is free. 

So I don't really understand inflation, cos I don't really have any relationship with it. I'm not really affected by it. And I think it's really due to my lifestyle choices cos the impact of inflation just isn't very much in real dollar terms, and I can always adjust my spending pattern to work around the situation and find a better deal. 

I suppose people feel inflation the most when they don't adjust to inflation. Like Lawry's used to have a 300gm steak at $70 many years back, and now $70 only buys a 200gm steak... I'm not sure anymore, I don't go there anymore. 
Or I could use $70 and buy 1.5 kg of tenderloin and cook it at home myself. Or I could buy some Wagyu or ribeye. Or we could go to Napoleon restaurant with the Entertainer App, and we could get 2 servings of tenderloin with a slice of foie gras for around $50.
(We've stopped using the Entertainer App cos we felt it induced more spending cos we always try to go out and eat to "make the subscription worth")

Anyway... in the above example... yes there is inflation, so I made changes to my habits to adjust for them. Do I really feel like I've missed out on anything? No not really. I still get a good quality steak for a good price and we enjoy our meal. Yes, it's not the same place or same flavors, but it's not the end of the world. 
And some of these changes might even make us happier, cos we may like the cuisine more than the original place. 

So... what is inflation? 
How much of inflation is due to your lifestyle choices? 
How much of your REAL needs are really affected by inflation? I'm thinking... not a lot. 


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Unintelligent Nerd has requested for me to share a can of worms with all of you.
And since all of us love delicious worms, I suppose I shall share my stash.

LOL, I'm totally ok with talking about this. 
I think "love" or "the one" is really a TV creation. 
Personally, I feel there is no such thing. 
It's definitely not easy to find an appropriate partner. I'm not saying that it doesn't exist, but the idea that there's a lightbulb that goes "ding!" and I know who I'm going to marry... I think that isn't how it works. 

Or even if someone started out with a feeling of "lust/love" with all the excitement and romance, they will be in for a rude awakening when reality hits. 
Life is not all fun and roses, and I think not many people recognize this. Put idealistic 20 something year olds who have just come out of school in a relationship??? What do you expect to get? How many people know what they want when they are 20+? How many people think it's all about this fuzzy feeling called "love" that is shown on TV? 

Nah, I don't really believe in that. I believe this so called "love" is something to be worked for. If it's exciting, chances are, it is only at the start of a relationship and if you're expecting that to last for the whole relationship, then I think that's unrealistic. 

Ok, so here's my story, I was never really really really interested in finding a partner. I mean, I expected to get married eventually and all that, but I always thought that it would work it's way out. When I got together with my wife, truthfully, I didn't expect to marry her, come on, I was at the last year of Uni, I expected to change as our live progressed and probably meet someone at work and probably marry that person. 

But anyway, I got together with my wife, she was a nice girl, good values, sufficiently reasonable, we could talk things out. Hey it's not all fun and roses. We had a lot of disagreements in the early years. 
But I think what's important is the couple's willingness and ability to iron things out talk things through, not just sweep things under the carpet. So it really depends on the values of both of the parties and what they both believe in. 
Cos the fun is when it starts, the thrill of the unknown, no one knows how any relationship is going to progress, they expect the TV kinda "love" always exciting, always keeping the heart pounding. That's just not real, after all the excitement, it's really the values and how a couple can work things out that keeps them together. 

We had the usual girly issues, usually she wants me to spend time with her... example, after we were dating for a couple of months, we started getting into the groove of my usual life, my family usually just hangs around at home on weekends to play mahjong, and this has been the routine for years when I was younger. And after a couple of months of dating, she fell into this routine as well, she accepted it at first, but got bored of it and made an issue that we don't go out much anymore. 
And I told her, look, life isn't all about going out, eventually we have to settle down. We have to find hobbies to do with our family and all that. We need to integrate all these activities. I mean, we still can go out once in a while, but we need to recognize that life is a routine after awhile, and we need to be comfortable with the routine. 
She was ok with this explanation. So it was left at that. 

And then we had a big argument about going out with other girls. And I was pretty much... look, I have male and female friends, I can't be only going out with my male friends. I have some female friends who are stand alone and they don't mix with other people. So I have to go out with them alone. 
If there's no trust in this then there's no point. Cos if someone's going to cheat, it doesn't matter what the scenario is. It's better that I just tell the truth of who I'm going out with and you accept it and don't kick up a fuss, else I could just lie about who I go out with, and that's worse. 
And she was ok with that too....
Now note, I don't have much interest in girls in a relationship sense or a cheating sense. I'm someone who's more interested in money or keeping the peace and living my life simply. To me, getting into unnecessary relationships just messes up the overall life situation. It's like... woah nothing better to do, everything is going fine, then the person messes it up... err.. no thanks.

Or she was fussy about food and travel. 
Now, I don't really like to spend a lot of money on food. I have a certain value which I need to encourage me to spend, it needs to be really good stuff for me to spend money, else I'd rather just eat some simple chai-png...
Same as for travel, I didn't really see the need to travel cos it was just a hassle for me. 
But she wanted to eat some nicer stuff and travel and see the world. 
And I was ok with it, I think it's a reasonable request, just as long as it's balanced. So we eventually started travelling more and eating nicer stuff at fair intervals. 

And after awhile, I realized that I was likely going to marry her. There's lots of other scenarios, and the thing is really what are the values of your partner and how well they coincide with your own and are you both able to rationally talk things out and come to a fair conclusion. 
Of course we weren't actively looking out for other partners to mess up our relationship.

Everyone's values are different. So there's no such thing as finding a perfect partner who has exactly the same values. But some values are more important than others, or some values impact other values. 
Like I used to be very bad at communication, I didn't talk things out much, I was brought up in a proud family, we don't talk properly to iron out our issues, we try to hide pride issues under made up issues to maintain a quarrel. But somehow between us, we managed to work our way to a very open communication relationship, and once this happened, a lot of other issues disappeared, less misunderstandings and more trusting. 
An historical post about my wife and our finances here.

No one goes into a relationship knowing each other's values, they just look pretty or are charming or are attractive in some other way. And somewhere during the dating years, you need to be able to sift through all the daily life and excitement and romance and reconcile all these differences in life/personal values, and probably both of you will need to relax some values along the way. Or if die die some key values cannot be ironed out, then I would recommend just looking for other parties, cos I know couples who did not/could not iron out some key values which they both deferred in, none of them are in the wrong, just differing financial values. They thought that it would settle itself after marriage, but the truth is, it hardly settles itself. So after marriage, it's still the same, but worse, cos they have all the baggage and kids and living becomes hard, cos... every few days, something erupts and it's tiring and hardly a fun way to live your life. And either they always quarrel, or they both shut off each other, cos if they talk they will quickly get into disagreement. 

No problem in a relationship is without signal. 
An abusive marriage usually has indications when they are already dating. 
Differences in financial values must have already shown in the early years. 
Pride issues, differing interests, etc...
The problem is are you able to identify them amidst all the romance and blindness?

So I don't think dating is about enjoying yourself. There's a task during dating. If it's all fun and games, means something is wrong. Cos it's a test drive, and you have to make sure the car is working as advertised. 

So I don't think love is like what the TV shows. 
It really gives a false impression of things. 
It takes a lot of work and effort and wanting to make things work AND really making the changes if necessary. It's really BS when people say, "you must love me the way I am". Cos if the way the person is, is unreasonable, then there's little to talk about. Shouldn't you want to be a better person and seek to improve yourself IF it is a valid point? If you want to make the relationship work, and the request is reasonable, shouldn't you want to be a better person? 

A highly co-related post I did previously is here Becoming a better person for your spouse.
​

Here's a very simple picture. 
You can live your life walking your own paths. 
Or you can live your life trying to work together to get closer to each other. 
Else seriously... what's the point in a relationship? 
Live separate lives but are married on paper? Then no point right?

So what's my take towards "love" and "the one"?
Well, I think there are probably many "ones". (Or maybe I'm so lucky but I don't know it.)
But I think there are probably many "ones", who share similar values to many of us, BUT it's not easy to find them in a large population, not to mention, it's also not easy to iron out issues and work together for a common goal, a good relationship, future goals, etc.

I also reckon that staying together for many years helped us better understand each other on a daily basis. Cos by the first 2-3 years of staying together, we had pretty much settled down, and we probably stayed together for 8 years before we got married. So after marriage wasn't pretty different. 
I also think, after marriage, staying together is another monster all together. It's different from dating period as well. House work, finances, parents, kids, and all these also need to be worked out with your partner. 
So maybe I'm lucky... we got "married" around 6 months into our relationship. Cos we already stayed together and all our living habits were already exposed to each other. 

Then again... if you asked my wife, she would probably give you an entirely different response to the question above. But let's not go there. 
​

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Reader Ben has highlighted a very important question. With my frugal/freegan lifestyle, how did this affect my relationship with my wife and how did I discuss this with her. 
​

Ok, one thing to note, this is based on my experience. Everyone is different. Everyone's partner is also different, so there's a lot of variation involved in this. 

Sometimes, it's also quite hard for me to relate to some issues which readers/people highlight, cos a lot of times, I foresee or preempt the issue and I take many steps to prevent the problem before it becomes an issue, so I may have little/no experience to fix the issue when it happens, cos I typically spend a lot of time preventing the issue in the first place. 

I got to know my girlfriend/wife in my Uni days and we got together on the last year of Uni. For our first few months together, obviously, I didn't care how she spent. I didn't expect for our relationship to last as long as it is now. 
I would say, at that point, my wife was... what I would call, financially clueless. She wasn't really an overspender. As in she didn't go out intentionally to buy expensive stuff. The thing is... she just didn't think too much about spending. So what she saw, she wanted, she bought. And they weren't really expensive stuff, couple of ten bucks here, hundreds there, no LV or Gucci's... but she didn't have any relationship with money, it wasn't a bad relationship, it wasn't a good relationship, there was just NO relationship. 

I don't know whether it was cos she was young and still mould-able or she just needed a bit of financial education. Cos she was really receptive to financial learning. She has little interest to learn it in detail, but when I told her to pay off her mother's CPF school loan first, cos that's 5% interest, she went ahead and did it quickly. 

(I have a feeling/suspicion... that financial knowledge/education, you either get it or don't get it. Some people are reluctant to learn, others are reluctant to change, some people are so fixated on their consumerism and look down on people who take a frugal path.
For those who get it, they catch on very quickly, at least the basic concepts, that they know they need to save, spend less, get insured, some may invest some may not, but they understand that they need to have a good relationship with money for their future happiness.
It's the same as freegans, some people get it and catch on quickly, others just reject it, or focus on the bad aspects and lose the forest for the trees.)

So she was quite open to keeping good financial habits as long as I arranged them properly for her. How much to spend, what to spend on, looking for good deals, etc. 
But this is the simple stuff, cos we weren't married yet and being a normal spender is well... pretty normal. 
Normal is what I would call, people with light savings. 

We stayed over at each other's parents place very early in our relationship. So we've been living together for effectively years almost 10 years even before we were married. It wasn't just a day or two every week. It was alternate days at alternate homes. So we got to know each other's living habits and spending habits very early in our relationship. 

So when I talked about the quote from my dad...

She was pretty cool about it. 

One good point about this is that she wasn't used to spending her own money. It wasn't like she was working for years already, and buying loads of stuff with her own money and I came along and tried to change her spending habits. 
When I knew her, she was just spending like any other schoolgirl. Just buying some simple stuff, excessive food and outings with friends but it's not like it was her own money which she earned for herself and had gotten used to spending. 

When we started to work, we both didn't start out with much, but I made sure to pester her to manage her bank account better. She had pretty much no opinion to this cos there was always enough to spend and a fair amount saved. 
Note, at this point, any amount which was budgeted for spending is still much more than school allowance. So she never got the chance to get used to spending ALL her salary. 
And my "budgeting" was always fair enough to allow her to buy stuff that was reasonable. 
(*I've never really followed a hard budget)

We still went on our holidays and bought nice meals for ourselves. 

Probably the first big change was when I quit my job for the first time. 
My wife has always been supportive of trying new things. As long as it doesn't affect her. So when I left my job, as long as it doesn't affect our lifestyle, she doesn't really care. When I left my job for the first time, I had a good idea that I was likely going back to work again so there wasn't much difference in our expected lifestyles even in the future. 
And our didn't really downgrade our lifestyle after I left my job so we were still living pretty comfortably. 

The problem came along when I decided to plan for early retirement. Cos that's when I drew up plans to save up a large amount and leave my job, furthermore, I wanted her to quit as well, cos, duh, why wouldn't anyone want to retire early? It's such an awesome idea right? 
Cos at that time, I never realized that people can actually be happy in their jobs and that it was impossible for anyone to love their job. 
Also, at this time, she had some idea of how she wanted her future assets to look like... a car, an HDB, a condo, one of property was supposed to be rented out... something like that. So she was quite resistant to the idea for us both to leave our jobs.

And we had a couple of heated discussions about this, and I finally understood that people CAN love their jobs, and we came to a conclusion that, if I have earned a certain amount and want to leave, then I should be able to, if work makes me unhappy, and since work makes her happy, then she should, by all means, continue to work, cos why should any of us be unhappy by doing the thing that the other party wants to do. 

By the time I left my job the second time, there was little reaction from her. It's the same understanding. As long as our lifestyle remains the same, she's ok with it... and by this time, our lifestyle never really upgraded from when we first graduated... Or maybe just a little. 

When I switched to freegan stuff, she grumbled about the excess clutter at the start, but I myself didn't like the clutter so I stopped getting merchandise. As for food, there's no real change, fruits and vegetables are what they are... so no complaints there. Less meat on the table though, but she eats meat during her lunchtime so she took it positively that she was just getting more vegetables in her diet.

Ok so... what can we all learn here...
I think, many people aren't into overspending. HOWEVER, many people lack discipline or are easily influenced. 
For us, I managed to start her off early before a lot of bad spending habits kicked in. Also I showed to her that we don't sacrifice much in terms of lifestyle when we life our way. 
Furthermore, if presented in a nice way, I think a lot of people like to be secretly rich and publicly poor instead of publicly rich but secretly poor. 

Between the both of us, we always try to guess the AUM or lifestyle of people around us. 
It's quite obvious. It's pretty mathematical. 
You estimate the number of years of experience of someone, along with their education level and job. It's easy to get an estimate of their pay. Then we look at their lifestyle habits vis-a-vis our own.

We know our own pay and our "sacrifices", we don't see them as sacrifices, but the general population would think it is. We don't have much stuff, we like it that way cos it makes the house easy to clean, there's less clutter, it keeps our home and minds clear. We don't buy stuff. There's nothing to buy on a daily basis, some food, some supplies, toiletries, make up... then there's clothes, which we also don't buy a lot.
And based on this, we know how much we can save every month. 

Now, you look at the people around you, whoever you feel jealous of, or your friend or who doesn't spend a lot. Doesn't matter. I don't only try to look at those who spend a lot, I also look at those who don't spend cos those folks are also to be admired, or I even try to estimate people who THINK they don't spend a lot but when I look at them, I know they aren't considered frugal at all.
And you estimate their savings every month based on what they buy vs what you buy. 
And that's it. That's all you need to know. 
If you have a peer, and he/she buys a car, and you can't afford a car without giving up savings, then sure as hell, your friend is not saving. It's as simple as that. There's nothing to be jealous about. Cos we know what's the trade off. 
And when we look at someone who we know earns more and can afford the car, once again, there's nothing to be jealous about, cos... well, work harder to earn more, then buy the car. But if not, then we know what we are trading off again as well. 

So we are both pretty aware of our current financial position vs the rest of society.
Everything else is an act for others to see.
And I suppose that it really depends on your partner and whether you both want to work on this together. 
I know some friends who aren't spendy by nature, but when they are with their friends, they are easily influenced. For us, I managed to convince her early in our relationship that this isn't the life for us and that we should strive to be able to buy assets instead of just worthless stuff.
But other friends are the leader of the pack, they ARE the people who buy the stuff and are influencing their peers to buy... now it's obvious that if you're planning a frugal life, you shouldn't be looking for such a partner. 

I think as we grow older, it gets harder to change and influence our partners, I think I was lucky cos I managed to convince my wife early in her life so that she didn't pick up any bad habits. Essentially she says, "Tell me how much I can spend this month." and I'll arrange what we are both allowed to spend. 

The good part about this is that we can always find partners who share our values. I know of a couple who met via arranged dating. She was a homely girl who made a good salary, and she managed to find a homely guy who also made a good pay and both of them are frugal. Both of them aren't particularly young. They both got married, they spend a lot of time together, she has quit her job cos she wasn't happy with it, they take simple walks on weekends to exercise and spend time together. 

I think finding such a partner is tough, not cos they don't exist. It's cos they aren't good at marketing themselves. And that itself is a problem, cos marketing themselves (make up, clothes, shoes, bags...) costs money, which they themselves aren't willing to spend on. 

Most likely, the person you're looking for is this underappreciated girl/guy in the office, she's not the pretty girl around, cos she doesn't really do much make up, she's not the popular girl, cos she doesn't want to keep up with the rest of her colleagues. Likely she lunches with the older colleagues in office cos she can't relate to the younger colleagues. 
If you're looking at the pretty/handsome ones who are always at the center of attraction... geez... as I said, it's mathematical, make up, style, clothes, social influence, going out to seem hip... all these cost money. 
Can't win them all.
It's highly unlikely... unlikely but not impossible, to get the pretty girl, belle of the office and yet still expect her to be frugal and life a normal life, that's just an oxymoron.

So I think it really depends on the stage of life we are all at. 
Like I was young and my wife was young and she was easily influenced by me.
But even when we are older, we can just straight out look for a nice partner who is ok with a frugal lifestyle and ok with a simple life. Cos... it's actually easier when older cos we tend to be more clear in what we want, and having a frugal partner might also be the objective of the other party. 
A more matured girl might be looking for a simple guy, fairly well off, able to take care of the family, of course on a first date it's not nice to say you're retired or unemployed... ... (a home trader/investor is always a nice job title). As long as there's chemistry, good conversation, and the partner is stable, not flirty... I think there are sufficient folks out there with similar values looking for a good partner.

I usually look at people who are well kept but without make up. Those are the skillful ones. Some guys are clueless, they don't know if a girl has make up on... but let's say we all know how to look. 
Cos these girls and guys are those who are able to keep themselves presentable but without make up or an extremely minute amount. They may not be the prettiest girls in the situation/event/office, but this is the value that we are looking for. 
Frugality. Doing the best you can with the least amount of resources. 
Make up isn't free you know. 

We can't look for the leader of the pack, cos she's going to be spending a lot on upkeep.
And we can't look for girls who are friends of the leader of the pack, cos they are likely people who are also spending a lot on upkeep or folks who are easily influenced, or trying to get with the crowd, so if you try to convince them after getting into a relationship with them, it's likely going to be ugly, cos they have already been contaminated by society and trying to fit in. 

The "poor" (not the financial type of poor) pretty girl hanging around by herself who doesn't really put on make up, who likely doesn't hang around the "cool kids", likely under appreciated in office cos she doesn't stand out, she's likely a cheerful girl who's just out of place, but she's strong enough to keep being herself and not get influenced by the usual consumer nonsense... and THAT'S probably where/how you're likely going to find a partner who shares such values as us. 

It's likely easier to "chase" these folks too, cos they don't get much attention from the rest of the office, so they are typically happy with another new found friend. 


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Another brilliant suggestion raised by reader RB35.
I'm really happy to have readers give comments and I can talk a little about them, cos a lot of times I think about things that are somewhere at the back of my mind but doesn't make it out as a post til someone triggers the memory. 

Here's the cut of what RB35 suggested...

And then I went to his blog to check out and found this bunch of questions which is pretty much related to the above question. 
​

Ok so first question, how to execute leaving when it is easier to just remain in cruise and continue farming. 
There's a few ways to look at this point. 

Firstly, after leaving my job and hanging around and wondering what life is about....
It's really A LOT easier to wonder what life is about when there's nothing to do and nothing really influences your mental state and come to a more fair conclusion. Work and other stress really does affect the conclusion if you think about such topics when burdened by other thoughts. 

Especially after I've reached my current state of mind, I've come to conclude that work is overrated. 
Duhz? You might think?
BUT... I also conclude that retirement or leaving your job is ALSO overrated. 
HUH? Really? 
What I think is underrated, is happiness in life and doing whatever you want. These are never thought to us. Our parents don't talk about it, schools don't teach it. 

So on one hand, I encourage people to leave their jobs if they aren't happy with it, I also don't encourage people to leave their jobs if they are contented or happy with it.
(Mr Money Mustache seems to always encourage people to quit if possible.)
Like for my wife, she initially said she wanted to stop by 40, but I look at her and I think... WHY???
She loves her work, there's no reason to stop doing what you like. I might think that a corporate job is pointless, or I might think that her job function is worthless, but who cares? It's her life. She should be doing whatever makes her happy. So I told her, "look, if this makes you happy, work til 55. I would love for you to keep me company and we go and hang around and enjoy ourselves, but if work really makes you happy then by all means go and do it." 
I would call this positive happiness.

And even for people who are contented and cruising along and farming the job. I would say, just continue to do it. Cos... leaving the job is overrated, you won't just suddenly become happier. So for someone who is coming home, with a routine, eat, sleep, tomorrow go and work, hang around colleagues, I would think, no real incentive to leave the job. Life goes on about the same with or without the job. IF you are contented.
I would call this neutral happiness.

BUT, for people who are unhappy with their jobs, they drag themselves to work, it eats at their soul. 
This is what I call UNHAPPINESS.
I would say, your job isn't everything. Leave your job as long as you are financially secure, blah blah blah, obviously don't be stupid la. 
The world will keep on turning, the sun will rise again tomorrow, you wake up tomorrow in your bed and are jobless, and you realize, actually, no one really cares whether you are working or not, the birds don't care, the thousands of Singaporeans don't care and eventually your colleagues will forget you. 

Even when I'm not working currently, I'm switching between neutral happiness and positive happiness. 
So I reckon that someone working in a contented job and hanging around neutral happiness is in a similar position as me. So might as well farm some money and pass the days as per normal. 

I forgot that there are 2 main fears. One fear is when leaving the job. The other fear is AFTER leaving the job which I wrote about previously. 
The hesitation when leaving the job sprouts from a couple of places. 
1. Fear of financial insecurity
2. Fear of the unknown, what's next? 
3. No incentive/trigger to leave

Points 1 and 2 are a but fuzzy. 
Cos a lot depends on the person, how much is enough? Is the person frugal? Is the person logical? What is the person's investment pattern like? 
Cos even if a person has $10 million, AND even if he is frugal, but he doesn't trust the maths behind retirement, then it's going to be hard to persuade this person to stop working. 

Is the person ok with boredom? Is the person naturally curious can make new friends? Can do stuff that doesn't require money? 
Cos these are the stuff that's going to happen after the person quits his job. You will lose friends. I can guarantee it. So once again, this MAY trigger unhappiness even AFTER leaving the job, so end up, someone could be just as unhappy about being unemployed as they are working. 
Also, some people may be frugal when working, cos... well no time to spend money right?
But after quitting, they may end up unable to find cheap things to do, so end up, spend money playing golf, take up fancy hobbies, etc... this potentially could be another problem...
Once again, it's hard for me to say anything unless I know the person really really well...

HOWEVER, for the third point. It's a little more interesting.
So let's say someone isn't happy with their job. 
But they have saved $1 million and they invest and blah blah blah. 
They trust the maths, they are ok with living a frugal life and simple entertainment when retired. 
But... they have little push to leave. Basically, wake up, wash up, dress up, go and work... life goes on. 

Ok, so I have a few comments about this. 
I believe that the person MAY be procrastinating. They have little incentive to throw a letter. Life goes on. It's like insurance, no one suddenly wakes up tomorrow thinking, "WOW I need to buy insurance". Most people need a little bit of encouragement. I believe this is somewhat similar. 
AND psychologically, I think... THINK only... 
I think many people may have the money to leave, but they don't have any push to leave, or are hesitant, or are procrastinating. But they don't want to face this. 
So instead they re-frame the problem. They tell themselves that it's a money problem, that they need more buffer, then they set the next benchmark. Cos... money is quantifiable. And they tell themselves, yes, I need to account for inflation, medical bills, kids, etc etc etc. And set a nice big number so that they don't need to face the real problem for years to come, then couple years later... they reached the next number... and same cycle may happen again. 

Anyway... there's one really quirky thing which I did previously that I feel would help a lot of people. 
If you want to quit your job but have no incentive to quit, cos you're just cruising along.
OR if you're someone who's really unhappy with your job and thinking to quit but don't have the courage to do so. 
What I did last time was... I typed out a resignation letter, dated it, and signed it for tomorrow. Then brought it to work tomorrow. And everyday, I re-date it, reprint it and sign it and bring it to work for the day.
WOAH!!! You'd be surprised how empowered you feel when you carry that letter. Just the very ownership of that letter in your pocket makes you feel like you are in control. Doesn't mean you have to give it to your boss. It's just the idea that you have control. 
​What you do with the letter on a daily basis is then up to you. 
Really, just trust me on this. Just type it out, print it and sign it, just keep it securely when you carry it to work. 

Let's move on to the next few questions and see how this all adds up...

* Was there a personal "drop-dead" date and did you execute that according to plan? 
Nope. I think this question links with my point above. 
Today is the same as yesterday, which is about the same as the day before. But day after day, it adds up. 
5 years later, it's not the same anymore. So it's really like many droplets make a puddle or an ocean. 
Similarly, many days make many years. 
I don't think it's right to look at anything with a cut off date. Today is as good as yesterday. 

I liken it to what people say about having kids, you are never ready, you just have kids. Then make things up as it goes along. No one can really say, I'm going to have kids and conceive immediately. They make a rough plan and want to have kids, then they try, but once they conceive, it's easy, cos someone made the decision for them. The kid pops out at whatever date and the parents just live with it. 

Unfortunately, quitting your job or retiring is not like that. It's a proactive step, unless the job fires you. 
I think a better way to look at it is just quit and tell yourself that you're taking a sabbatical. 
Sometimes the mind is not ready to take such a big leap. So taking unpaid leave or sabbatical for 1 year may be a better alternative. 

For me, I was a lot more confident the 2nd time I left my job, I was more prepared for the challenges, of course having more money helped, but mentally as well to be more at ease with myself and my decisions. 
Preparedness and experience gives confidence. When I left the 2nd time, I knew what was going to happen after I stopped working. So I was like. "Oh well, yea, I know exactly what's going to happen after my last day... absolutely nothing!"

* How did you conceive of your post job plans and how did it turn out in reality?
I think this differs between person to person. 
For me, I'm a free spirited person. When I told closer friends about dumpster diving or freeganism, they said they aren't surprised I do such things. 
So I quit without much plans and wing-ed it. 

There's a few ways to go about this. My mum started making friends at golf clubs, and she slowly eased into retirement and already had stuff to do when she retired. 
For me, I didn't have anything planned but I did this twice so I'm ok with just hanging around and chilling by myself. 

But I think things will change as the years go by, like now, my mum doesn't play golf anymore, she takes care of her grand kids. My dad used to be involved in bringing up the kids, which is me and my sis, but now he sleeps all day and doesn't do much. 

Personally, I think it doesn't matter. Cos there's always time to explore. IF you want to explore. Plans or no plans, it's really up to the individual. 
If you have no plans like me, but I enjoy my time alone doing whatever stuff, then I'm not wasting my 80 years. 
But for someone else, and they don't plan and they don't like time alone and they hang around at home all day and do nothing, then they will feel that they are wasting their time on Earth, so they should go and find something to entertain them, or interests them. 

I do think that it's overthinking to want to plan and try to execute a well laid out plan for retirement. 
I mean... the point of retirement or living your own life is to chill or relax and do other stuff. And most importantly, you have time to slowly relax and explore and plan when you have nothing to do. What's the rush? Why need to plan before quitting? Do we/you really need constant stimulation? 

Back to my previous post about playing a perfect game. You don't need to plan, you can, if you want, but what's another 3 months of planning after quitting? No difference. 

But if you DIE DIE want something to do but have nothing to do or nothing planned yet, well here's a suggestion... the vege rescue group is looking for some regular volunteers to expand their operations. Cos they want to try to rescue veges on a regular basis and hand them out to beneficiaries more often since there's so much wastage on a daily basis. Don't expect it to be mentally challenging work, it's probably some admin and manual work, but it's something to pass time and entertain yourself whilst doing some environmentally friendly thing. 

* Any particular regrets so far? 
Hmm, my biggest regret, I'm not entirely FI, I would say I'm financially comfortable or secure. 
Freeganism has allowed me to get more confidence and make my money last longer. So it would have probably been a better idea to work another 4 years or so to be really safe for myself. A lot of my money bleed is cos I give money to my parents... heck I give them more than I spend personally every month. 

But besides that, no regrets whatsoever, after getting over all the mental issues and loss of friends and all that stuff. It takes sometime to unwind and re-program all the rubbish that society has imprinted on me.
(This above phase is a long drawn out process, its not as simple as just just 2 sentences.)
​ 
But I think it's likely up to the individual as well. Cos I'm really comfortable in my own skin, I really don't care about a lot of things. 
I know my wife would go crazy if she retired early, cos she really likes doing stuff, she needs constant mental stimulation, so she turns on the TV, uses her phone, checks emails. 

After I got over all the nonsense and getting into the grove of things. 
And I have come to terms with myself that I am here to enjoy my 80 years. 
I liken my mental state to be constantly..... in this state...
... You know, sometimes, you're on an extended holiday, then you lie on a recliner chair by the pool or beach, with a cool drink beside you and the sun on your face, and you think... "ahhhhhhh this is life"
​
Yea... that's how I feel on a regular basis. To just exist without much care in the world.  
I wake up send my wife to work, come back clean up the place, make my coffee and start typing, then I prep for dinner, sometimes I go out meet friends, or collect vegetables, etc. 

But I do think that setting all this in stone isn't the right way... once again back to my previous post about playing a perfect game. All these are just labels, unemployed, sabbatical, retired, semi-retired... whatever...
I absolutely don't like such labels, it just distracts us all... 
Literally, it's just being without a job. That's all the same. 
But... if retirement doesn't suit you then go back and work lor. It's not the end. It's not like after quitting you will never be able to find work again. Which is why I hate these labels, it just mentally blocks people. 

Like there's a certain expectation for an unemployed person... means he is looking for work.
Or sabbatical, means this person will eventually go back to work.
Or retired means he needs to be chill and playing golf.
Semi retired maybe means part time work. 

But who cares... only yourself!!! 
Which is why I absolutely hate answering this question. Cos... I don't know. Maybe I'm retired now, but things may change in future. Maybe I want to find work again, maybe maybe maybe...
Life is always changing. The situation will change, maybe I'll be happy for a long time, or maybe I'll change and become bored. 
And I embrace all these. So it's not a hard and fast ending which I'm expecting.
​

​When the time comes, you will know what to do. 
I'm assuming you have fairly enough savings, live a frugal life and am unhappy with your job. 
It's absolutely not the end of the world to leave, chill a bit, re-calibrate your life. Maybe go back to work somewhere else, or take up a part time job. Learn a new skill and try out a new career... 

We can't always be counting the value of our time in dollars. Else we'll be working til the day before we die. So even if you go back to a lower paying job... so? Life goes on. How much can you spend? How much do you need to eat? 

Ok so bringing this all together...
Courage, timing, planning, regrets...
It's all in the mind. 

If you tell yourself that you are taking a 1 year sabbatical, does it make you feel better?

If you can take a 2 week leave and leave the office for 2 weeks, well, that's the kind of planning required for a 1 year sabbatical. 

Planning... in the long run, it doesn't matter, you aren't really rushing for time, it's not like Pri school immediately go Sec school, then JC, then NS, then Uni, then work... it's really not about just stacking things one after another. So what if there's some empty time in between?

Regrets? After reading this post and the previous post. I think readers should know the answer to this...
Life goes on. You adjust and go on, or you can go back to work, the options are all the same. 

It's just mentally, how have you framed yourself? Did you lock yourself up with some form of expectations that certain things must happen in a certain way? 
Life isn't a one way street, it's more like in the  middle of the scary ocean, you can swim anyway... sometimes you swim towards danger, sometimes you're against the current, you can swim backwards, forwards, you can even stay still, float and enjoy the sun. It's really all up to you. 

So don't take things too seriously... hahahaha...

Ok easy for me to say... cos I'm already on the other side...
Eh it's not like I wasn't in your shoes once. It may sound all so easy when I say it, but I've had all these troubles before as well. 

​
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Many thanks for continuing to come to this blog to read my posts.

Special thanks to H for asking these questions... 
Why I like these questions and put them as a post instead of just a comment is that I think many of us struggle with this or have thought about them, and if I reply as a comment then it's likely going to be missed out and maybe someone else may have the same feelings so I think it's good to share how I've handled these stuff...

As always, these are my own opinions and how I handled these situations based on my own experiences so... if it helps you that's good, else... just do whatever you feel is suitable. 
​

I suppose there are 2 main questions here. 
1) Joining friends and their activities
2) Living your own life and what if you regret it later

1) Joining friends and their activities
This is a pretty straight forward question and solution... from H's comment, I estimate him to be around 25. (I hope I didn't make a mistake in my assumptions.)
Reason being, actually, by 27-30 or so, these problems just naturally disappear for most people. Else by above 30 it should pretty much be gone. 
For me, by the time I was 27 or so, all my other friends have gone on with their own lives, some have kids, married, all those stuff, we meet max once a quarter, usually less. 
I have one or 2 close friends whom I meet more regularly. But those bigger group activities just naturally don't happen so often anymore. And when they do happen once or twice a year, I make a bit of effort to go and attend, even though I don't really enjoy the gathering, I do feel that it's good to have a chat with friends and how their lives are going. It's a quick way to get an update on 10 friends all at once instead of meeting them one at a time. 

But... H has these issues currently. So I think maybe he has just started working or around that period in life. When friends all have new disposable income and little family commitments and they want to go out and play. As much as I would like to be a hermit, I also recognize that I need to keep in touch with most of my friends. 
​
For me, for gatherings that I don't really like to attend due to the activity or whatever, I'll just not attend.
Then if I feel that I've avoided them for already too long, then I'll turn up for an event once in a while. 
Like if they like to go out late and drink and party, but you don't like to... then personally, I won't attend... but maybe someone's birthday comes along, then I'll maybe go for the dinner and "have something else" planned for later in the evening with my imaginary girlfriend. 
That's a simple way. 

In truth, this is what it really means... if they are your friends it's not always about the activities that you do together as a whole big bunch. 

I will usually just do one on one lunches with the folks I want to keep in touch with.
I myself fully feel the same way as H. I like having one on one lunches with some friends. But when they gather in a group of 10, then everything just feels so fake. Like they aren't the same people I eat lunch with. Everyone is trying to show what's happening in life or whatever, it becomes a show for the world to see instead of a gathering of friends and talking about life. With a group of 10, no one will say their life sucks. But if you eat lunch, you're likely going to have a more intimate chat with your friend.

This way, you get to keep contact with your closer friends, you get to know them on a more deeper level and decide whether you want to continue eating lunch with everyone or just select 1 or 2 which you are closer to. Then maybe once in a while, you give face and show up for some of their bigger gatherings.

So what's my objective here? I want to know all 10 of them, and select those I want to keep as close friends. Maybe all 10 will make the list, or maybe only 1 will make the list... you see, as life goes on you will lose contact with many of them, they will all have their own lives, their jobs, girlfriends, wives, children. And you will also have your own life in a couple of years. And time will be very precious, you don't want to spend time doing stuff you don't like, or attending stuff that's not fun or meeting people whom you don't really want to meet, so you will want to find out who is really worth the time and effort to build your friendship with. 

** Side note, typing out this made me realize I have new friends whom I consider my friends. Especially from the freegan community. Cos... we don't judge each other, we just give out free stuff to each other, and some of them I chat better with others, and we agree to disagree, and if I have something nice, I usually ask them first. 

2) Living your own life and what if you regret it later
​Ok simple answer to this... you will never know. 
It's like food you order at a restaurant, you see it, it looks nice, you order it, it sucks. 
Life's pretty much like that, and we learn as we go along, and we have to accept the challenges and mistakes AND RECOGNIZE THEM EARLY AND ADJUST!!!

But I think we should focus on things that we know first... 
This is what Amazon (the company) thinks... We don't know what is the next big thing. So let's focus on what we know.
People want things cheaper, faster. 
Article here.

So what do we know we won't regret? We don't regret spending more time with family, good quality friends, probably studying hard would be useful.
What do people usually regret? Maybe choose the wrong career, study wrong subject, wrong partner, spending too much, taking on too much debt. 

Most of the stuff people regret, you can either learn from someone else, like taking on too much debt, you can read about it and learn not to do it. 
But like career, or studies, or wrong partner, there's no way to know unless you try, and if it works, it works, else life goes on, the world continues to turn and we learn and improve ourselves. 

Even for freeganism, I did not know if it would work for me, I went in tried as much as possible, then cut off the stuff I felt I didn't relate to, then I applied the stuff that I felt was useful. 
And that's what life is. It's a journey, it's not entirely like a complete-able RPG game where you can play a perfect game. Cos life is not linear, you can take any path and in the end, you still die. 

So I think what's important is to enjoy the journey and not take it too seriously, not try to play a perfect game, cos it's hardly possible. Expect to make mistakes and learn from them. Don't try to define life too early in life. What it's supposed to be about, etc etc, cos you will change as you grow older. Things that you value now vs what you value in 10 years time will also change. After having kids, things will further change. 
Sometimes you may change your values to suit your life situation, sometimes you may change your life situation to reach your values. And in truth, no one cares, the only person judging you is yourself. 

Thinking back, would I have liked to farm my job for another 3 years and be more comfortably retired? Probably I wouldn't have requested for a transfer and farmed another 3 years. I think that would be nice if I could replay that... 
But then I might never have learnt about freeganism. And that would be one of my biggest regrets. My mental state now is different from what it was when I was working, etc etc... 

I suppose it is one of the fallacies of people who do well in their studies, cos I myself was considered good in my studies and I played a close to perfect early game. Good school, good results, etc. Just like any RPG, I thought, heck man, this was the way, I'm going to cruise through life, cos I got a good starting. If you got a good character roll at the start with good build you'd expect to cruise through the rest of the game right?

(Depends on what kind of RPG, story line or MMORPG, etc... )
Well... life's like an RPG in certain sense. But in this case... life's not like an RPG. It doesn't matter how you start, it's about how you enjoy the game, cos in the end, it's still game over.
You think that you can play a perfect game and get the perfect career, perfect boss, perfect partner, etc etc... that's just simply not the case. The RNG is ridiculously wide in real life and you don't have many shots. 

So make mistakes that can be made, but try not to make mistakes that can't be made. 
Like things that most people will regret, spending not enough time with their parents when they are alive, not spending enough time with their kids and not watching their growing up years, getting into credit card debt... these are easily avoidable so to take notice of them...

But stuff like career choice, company to work for, boss, partner, what is considered a true friend, etc etc etc. So many other things which is up to the RNG of life. Those you just have to embrace the RNG and make calculated risks and learn from it. 

Or some people may rush through the game, you end the RPG, that's the end. But I think when playing an RPG, it's not about completing it, it's like you want to explore the world map or do some quests, build your character in some other way. Stuff like that. It's an exploration. 

I played FF7 many many times. It's the game of my generation. (Waiting for the remake...)
And everytime I end the game, I feel a tinge of sadness. Like the story is over. Doesn't matter how many times I've completed it. 
So even though I've played it many times, I tend to drag out the game, training, getting other items, collecting more stuff, etc etc. 
Cos I know how my life is going to end. Likely in an urn somewhere. 
But it's how I make the best of the game that's going to matter. 

So I would say. Expect to make mistakes in life. Recognize that this will happen. But don't quit too early. 
It will feel like regret when a mistake is made, but take it positively. Making mistakes is fine, the sun will rise again... most of the time. I find that... a way to overcome regret is to think... if I were to make the same decision again, at that point in time with that amount of information, would I have done it again? 
Hindsight is always 20/20. Knowing what I know now, I may have done some other things better in the past, but I don't dwell on it, cos there's no point, even if I knew I screwed up, feeling sorry about it doesn't help things, cos it's over. It's history. What's important is how to embrace it, learn from it and move on and don't make the same mistakes again. 

And no matter what I say, you will still make mistakes. Such is life. 

And the interesting thing is... as I type this. I recall my past. When I was 20+, doing well in school, expecting to be in a certain job. I would probably have looked down upon someone like myself now. 
But as I'm typing this now, I look back upon my 20+ year old self and I think... "you thought that you were happy then, but you never thought that you could be happier, cos you never knew what real happiness was".
And that's life, I was happy and "successful" when I was younger. But when I'm older, I let go of the things that I felt was valuable when I was younger, and somehow, I reached another level of happiness that I never even knew existed. 

So don't worry too much about it, don't aim to play a perfect game, aim to play a good enough game, go and try new things, cos some of them will be mistakes and some of them will end up as good things and you will drop off the bad stuff and keep the good stuff and keep moving forward... well at least that's the way it's supposed to work, but if you stay still and don't get over the down moment, then every day wasted is a day out of that 80 year life of yours. 

Hmm... I'm not sure if I answered the question correctly, cos H was talking about not hanging with his friends and maybe he might regret it in future. But I answered in a very general, life is full of mistakes, do what you feel is right and comfortable at the point in time and don't expect it to be a mistake until it confirms that it is a mistake. 

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** Oh and another side note, for readers who has time go and watch "Up in Air" by George Clooney.
It's a pretty good show about life and family and chasing things and stuff like that. If you can take the moral of the story back, it's a good watch. 


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So SGRetailTrader suggested I do a post on my mindset changes throughout the years. 
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So I was thinking... hmm... pretty interesting suggestion. How should I go about doing it without having to go through my whole life story? 
It would need to be pretty bite sized and easily understandable and readers should easily be able to see the changes through my 35 years of life. 

​So I thought... Ok I'll group the periods of my life where things were about the same...

Schooling years up to 18 years old JC
NS 19-20
Uni days 21-23 : Clearing the usual hurdles
These days were simple. I didn't think much about life. Life was pretty much planned for me. I lived a textbook life. I was pretty ok with studying so I knew I was going to go through Uni. So one step at a time. I just kept looking at the next benchmark, PSLE, 'O' Levels, 'A' Levels, NS, Uni. So I never thought about what life was about just clear the next hurdle.
Simple right? Just study, exam, break, study, exam, break. 

I had this impression that life would work itself out. There would be next steps ready to take and other natural obstacles to clear. It's like... it's so normal to clear each of these obstacles. Everyone does them right. So just keep going. 
I was sure that after Uni, I would get a good job, feel happy with the pay and continue working like everyone else. Maybe have kids and all that. 

Early working years 24-26 : Is this all there is to life?
And so I got a nice cushy job, relatively high pay for my age and I was happy for a short while.
Life became a routine and then I started thinking... but... there's nothing left here...
There's no next hurdle. I know that I could just farm this role for the years til I'm old. I would get promoted and everything. 
At this point, I was thinking, there's really nothing left to do. No next checkpoint. 
I was pretty confused. Did this mean that life is just about work, home, work, home? 
Same as studying? But different thing? 
I had time to play and go holidays but... the main bulk of my time is 70% on work and 30% home? 
That's what life is supposed to be?!?! HUH!?!?!

I felt that I was missing something. Maybe I needed more adventure and maybe a new job. Try something new. You know... like those businessmen, so successful, rich, seems like their life is so exciting...
So I thought, ok, I'll quit my job and explore a bit...

First jobless break 27-28 : Life goes on even without a job
And so I did... I quit my job without any plans. I thought that things would work out...
People thought I was mad, dropping a nice job, good pay, absolutely ridiculous. 
People wondered what I would be eating, that I would be poor soon.
But you know what... the world didn't come to an end. Life went on as normal. How much money do you really need to eat. I was already frugal at a very young age so I had sufficient savings by this time.
I played video games, exercised, enjoyed my rest time...

And somewhere in between this time, I thought, ok, I need to do something, so I got involved with selling property at ERA and insurance at Prudential...
Fine fine. I'm not a good sales person. I don't like to sweet talk people to say nice things for them to hear. I'm pretty much a direct person so I don't really like to sugar coat stuff...
Obviously I didn't do well in the sales jobs. 

So I though ok... I don't really have enough money to keep playing all the time. BUT... I learnt something... 
That the world keeps turning. Losing my job doesn't mean anything. Also, I actually like playing around with my life, I like enjoying my life play video games, rest, relax, that's how life should be. 
I'm happy living frugally but I want to enjoy my life. 
I got involved in shares at an early age, 16 years old, and I studied finance in Uni so I pretty much knew how this was going to work... So I thought... heck... All I need to do is save around $500k and live on 5% dividends. That's about it right? 
Then I can play video games all day and relax and enjoy my life. 

So... time to go back to work... but now... I know why I'm doing it. 

Second working years 29-32 : The quest for money
And somewhere in between my job search, one of my old bosses asks me to go back to the same company cos they had a position...
Wow... back to a cushy job with fairly good pay. 
I got all my spreadsheets ready and tracked how much I needed to save and by when and how many years I would take to reach my goal... It was supposed to be 38-40 years old.

And for the next few years I worked... but somewhere down the line, I forgot what it was like to have fun. What I was working for. I was just back to the daily routine after 2 years. And I had the "what the hell" feeling again... It's very easy to lose sight of the goal when you're immersed in the moment. When things are nice and cushy and you think nothing can go wrong.

So I thought, ok, I want a transfer, so I transferred to another department. And this new department was absolutely toxic. And I pretty much regretted it. 
I don't really regret leaving the other department, cos I really wanted to move to this new department for a few years already. 
But never did I expect this department to function this way... I didn't last long, not cos I couldn't do the work, but the politics and "BS" was just ridiculous. It was absolutely horrible. It's not even a routine job anymore. 
There's a difference between a toxic working environment and a boring routine job... I left a boring routine job to transfer to a messed up place... 

And then I thought... ok fine... what the hell... I've done this before. Now I have more money than the last time. If I'm not happy, I'll just quit. I can cruise around for a little while enjoy myself for a couple of years like last time and find some simple work again.

Second jobless break (part 1) 33-34 : The search for purpose
So here comes the 2nd job break. And I was once again enjoying myself. 
Since it's the second time, I didn't feel as much pressure as the first time. It's like one of those things. 
The fear of the unknown. When I first left my job, I was just like everyone else, wondering, what am I going to do with my life, the world will come to an end...
But now... I've done this before right... so chill... relax... life goes on. The sun continues to rise and I am still alive and I just need to find food and enjoy life... isn't that what life should be about???

But this time, I was confused once again. Strange? 
You see, at this point, I had more money. More savings. So I could last a lot longer. And I was thinking, ok... there must be a purpose. I want to do more. I want to earn some more money. I can't be not working forever right? And now I have the time to slowly explore, so I was quite stressed in some sense to want to gt something done. To embark on the next phase... but what?

So there was this game I was working on which didn't work out, and I even applied for some jobs again cos I was thinking, heck just farm another 3-4 more years and I'll stock up more savings, then take a break and see how, and maybe farm another few more years after that and then I'd likely be safely financially free.

For a while I was somewhat stressed in a sense. Like I wasn't really contributing to the household. 
Although helping out with the household chores, admin, cooking, cleaning, etc... All these are actually my contribution. If I didn't do it, that would mean we would have less time on weekends. Likely spend more on food and going out. So in a sense, I could say that I'm in-sourcing. Instead of working and hiring a helper, I AM the helper. 
But psychologically, it doesn't work that way, we live in a money society. So I was always thinking about my contribution to the household in a more financial manner. Instead of how much I saved, I always thought about things as, how much I did not earn. 

And really I thought that I would be stuck in that psychological lock for a long time... Until...

Second jobless break (part 2) 35-now : Letting it all go
I encountered freeganism... Ok. So for those who know, I started this sometime end of last year, I think around November. 
I got into the grove of things and found a community of freegans. The thing is, this whole idea and mentality allowed me to realize, that there is no meaning in life. Some people work to earn money, some people consume the excess of others. Heck, some of the stuff we pick up from the void deck or dumpsters are better than the stuff I own. 
That's when I really let go of things. Why did I work for? If I could already pay off my house, what else is there? Yes there's insurance and stuff. But how much more is there? 
Food? Some household stuff... how much can I spend? I'm naturally frugal. 
And when food is free and stuff is also free... That's when I felt, there's really nothing left to do, and more importantly, that it's ok that there's nothing left to do.

I'm a realist, some people will say, if everyone does this... blah blah. 
Come on, we all know that consumerism isn't going to stop any time soon, it's going to be a long term thing. So living off the excess of society... why not? 
If I have 100 friends and I live off 1% of their excess, I get a full 100% of my needs. 
If I have 25 friends and I live off 4% of their excess, I also get all of my needs. 
I'm not asking someone to pay for my food and clothes. But I'm sure all of us has gotten a shirt which we don't use and it stays in the storeroom or drawer and just doesn't get used at all, maybe we don't like how it feels. And eventually, we find some excuse to throw it away... that is the excess of society, and I'm happy to live off the excess. If someone buys me lunch or dinner, then that just defeats the point.
That's why the community is so important. All of us get stuff in various ways. Some pick from void decks, some get from other friends, some dumpster dive, others get food, some folks get stuff.
And they all give freely. It's not a trade. 
Cos it's the understanding that, you want, you come and take. I don't need it. Someday, when I need something, I will take from the community when I need something. That's all. 

Maybe it's cos I managed to join a very generous community. Now, make no mistake, it's not something that anyone can just go in and think that they community is going to work for them. It's like a friend, you don't just go in and hope to be best friends. It takes effort, the more you give in terms of time, effort, help, talking to people, communication, giving stuff, taking stuff, etc... Then you get back the same things from the community. If you go in thinking, ok I'm going to farm this community, just take things when I need, else I'll keep quiet. You're likely going to fail. 
So maybe it's also cos I have a community that supports me as much as I support them. That I managed to have more confidence is reducing expenses and living freely. 

So what does this all mean... well, it really is about letting go of all the stuff that I've learnt throughout the years. 
When you keep a pet dog, you will cry for the dog when it dies. Why? The dog didn't do anything in terms of money, you fed the dog, took it to the doctor, maybe the dog bit you... etc...
But the thing is... the dog is just a part of you and your family. And I've become more in tune with that idea to be myself for family. That's not to mean I should be a liability to them. But rather, for my own household, I bring back food, cook, maintain the relationship with the freegan community, etc... 
And both my wife and I are happy with this arrangement. 
And of course our goals are sufficiently aligned. Now if she wants more, luxurious travel, high class food, then that's a different matter. 
There's nothing wrong with atas food, luxury bags, that's just not our life that we have chosen to live, and we're both ok with that. 

Closing up...

So I think it's pretty interesting how my life has panned out. I wasn't far from a normal consumer when I started out. But as things progressed, and I learnt more about myself and my own values, I decided to take certain paths in life which resulted in where I am. Now all of us are different, so there's no right or wrong. 

I think I learnt a lot about life in general when I left my job both times, the idea that the world just keeps turning, it sounds like such a simple idea and everyone should know it, but it's not as simple as just knowing that the Sun will rise again tomorrow. 
One's job really isn't everything, although more often than not, it is seen as such an important thing that one shouldn't be without it. 

And as I lived a more carefree life, I further realized that... life is really about enjoying it, as life should be, 80 years to enjoy ourselves. It's like you put a child in a playground for 2 hours, he's going to play for 2 hours, he isn't going to spend 1 hour working and 1 hour playing. And when you play with friends, it's even more fun. Playing at the playground alone is kinda boring sometimes. 
So we are all here for 80 years, spend it with the people who make it fun, enjoy yourself. That's how I'm trying to structure my life now. 

Of course we can't deny the money part... but that's a different story, one can choose to consume more, desire more... then that's just the trade off with the years of enjoyment. 
Once again, I don't deny that there are people who just NEED to work. They are just tuned to working, if they don't work, they will go crazy. Everyone has different mental states and whether they can let go of the other things in life and fill life with other stuff. Some folks just need work. Others enjoy work. And yet... there are those who are absolutely fine with doing "nothing" at all... 

And who cares how each of us plays at the playground?
We only answer to ourselves, it's our 80 years... we can choose to do whatever we want with it. 


(I think this is a very interesting summary and capture of my thoughts, I will continue to update things as life goes along, it has been added as a link on the top right of this page, I will notify again IF/WHEN I update this.)


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Kuriko has further highlighted more background on charities and I think it would be interesting to talk a bit more about it. 
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Below is the comment, emphasis my own.

​Ok there are a couple of points to talk about here. 
1) Charities and the beneficiaries
2) Who deserves help?
3) Are we equal?

First point... 
I pretty much already knew that the split was 70/30 or less for sometime. Where 30% or less goes to beneficiaries. And 10% is a more realistic number. 
Mathematically it also makes sense. Any non-profit organization is still an organization. 
In a typical business, a company manufactures stuff/products/services, sells the services, pays rent, pays staff, pays for marketing expenses and other expenses. The resulting profit is around 10%-30%. 

In any non-profit organization, it's the same. 
The product is somewhat iffy. It's unknown. Some people feel good donating, some people want to help, whatever. But the company/non-profit organization is pretty much trying to sell this intangible product.
Donations are the revenue, and after we minus off the expenses... the "profits" go to beneficiaries. 

Now, this sounds pretty sick. I'd admit. 
So if we think about it...
30% goes to staff wages, 20% goes to rental, 20% marketing, 20% other expenses, 10% beneficiaries. 
Let's say I'm a Singaporean, and I see an advert for poor kids in Thailand for example. 
I donate $100.. 
$30 goes to staff like Kuriko and other employees and the CEO.
$20 goes to landowners who are rich anyway.
$20 goes to marketing which employs people and generates the economy.
$20 goes to other expenses which employs people and generates the economy.
$10 goes to beneficiaries. 

So around $70-$90 goes to churning the economy and $10-$30 goes to beneficiaries.
(From here on I'll just use 80% and 20%)

I'm a bit split on the feelings behind this. 
Cos... on one hand, I think doing something is better than nothing. Also, to do more, I believe that it is necessary to be a big organization. 
It is probably easier to find 100 people to donate $1 than to find 1 person who is willing to go and get their hands dirty and go down to a beneficiary to pass them $20 directly. Not to mention that as an organization, it is scalable meaning they can handle even larger amounts of funds as donations increase. 
But the idea that I could just take $20 cash and pass it to any less fortunate person and that would do around the same as what the organization would with $100... that feeling is just so wrong. 

This also COULD mean that 80% goes to products and services that might never have been consumed. 
And as Kuriko rightly pointed out. Are the main beneficiaries, the economy and other members of society? Creating more jobs? More consumption? Adding to a GDP number for the Government to showcase to the world?

Then also another question would be... is charity a consumable good? Do we are people/donors... are we consuming this as a product like everyone else? 
We don't like to clean up our house. So we hire a helper/maid, or a part-time maid. It's called out sourcing.
We don't like to do,or say we don't have time to help people, so we hire a charitable organization to help us do charitable work? And so the organization takes a cut of the donation as a "service fee" to help do the charity FOR YOU. Just that most people don't realize that the service fee is 80%. 

Now, I'm not saying anyone is doing anything wrong, this is just how this "business" works. 
If you look at it another way, the beneficiaries are like the shareholders of an organization. They take what's left after everyone else is paid. 

Next point... Who deserves help?
Ok there's 2 sub points here.
1) Who deserves help in the scenario of charities and beneficiaries.
Are the secondary beneficiaries, such as services and products which the organization consumes which support the local economy, do they deserve the jobs created and money earned? Considering that none of these jobs and services would exist without the presence of the organization?

For this question, I don't think too much about it, cos this is just the way the system works. It's the same question as why people would pay $10,000 for a handbag. 
I think many governments like non-profit organizations, cos it's win-win for them. They get to generate the economy, get tax dollars from the secondary beneficiaries, and don't need to spend tax dollars to support whatever initiative the organization is supporting. 

So I don't really ponder too much upon this cos... I can't do much about the system. I can only decide whether to donate or not. 

2) Who deserves help in general.
This question, I think a bit more. Cos it determines what I want to do or how I want to help someone. 
For me, I believe I want to help someone who wants to help themselves. If someone poor needs a couple of shirt and pants so that he can go for an interview and work and get himself out of his situation, I would gladly give him some of mine. I'd unlikely buy him a new one though, but I can likely spare 3 sets if the size fits. 
But if someone approaches me at the hawker center and says he is homeless. (True story)
Someone was asking the people in the queue one at a time saying he was homeless and wanted $2. 
One of the folks offered to buy him a meal, he rejected it. He just wanted the cash...
In this case, no thanks, I have no intention of helping people like this. 

So for me, I think, I'd like to help someone who has the intention of getting themselves out of the situation.
I don't want to be a donor as part of their daily "operations", basically, some folks take up a low paying job, don't earn enough, stay in a rented one bedroom, and uses donations and help to supplement their lack of income. And they remain reliant on the donations cos it is part of their daily routine. 

I have a strong belief that most people are poor cos of poor decision making and a lack of desire to change/adapt to get themselves out of the current situation. Which is why in my previous article, I suggested...

Of course this is not for all situations. There are people in unfortunate situations who are born in debt ridden families or uninsured family members who are sick, etc... 
But I do believe that a bulk of the low income/poor people are there due to poor decision making and the willingness to change to improve their situation. 

** I have an interesting idea I want to test out, but my wife would definitely not allow it. To intentionally be homeless, leave the house without a cent, with only a couple of t-shirts and shorts. And see how long it takes to get back on my feet again, with a regular job, renting a cheap bedroom. Without using my degree or driving license and without asking for help from friends and family. I estimate to take around 2-3 months.
This is to prove that with the right attitude and determination, it is always possible to get back up again.
Nonetheless, this experiment would likely not happen. **

Last point... are we all born equal but different?
I am fully aware that we are all different. 
So what does it mean that we are equal? To me, to be equal is to have equal rights. 
Such that a poor man or rich man SHOULD be treated fairly in the name of the law and will be punished in the same way for the same crime. 
Or a person will have equal opportunity to excel and chase their own dreams. That they should be paid fairly with the amount of productivity in comparison to their counterparts. 
That a woman should be treated fairly and not be harassed in her work place due to the size of her boobs. 

And let me be brutally honest. This utopia is bullshit. It doesn't exist and will NEVER exist. 
Humans are different and it is these differences that make us interesting and unique. But these differences are also the things that divide us. Different cultures, religion, facial features, more handsome, prettier, smarter, etc etc. And we will naturally group ourselves into groups with these labels and will we not treat people whom are similar to us better than people who are not similar to us? 
This is what it is to be human. Humans, emotions and politics go hand in hand.

To put this in perspective of who deserves help... 
Everyone should be helped if they need help. But help is a finite resource, would you rather give this resource to someone who will make better use of it and get himself out of the cycle? 
By creating more jobs by creating an "imaginary" charity to spur consumption, does this provide an additional opportunity for the poor to find more jobs? IF they are willing to take up these jobs? 

But I think, no one deserves help ALL the time. That's what help is, and I think many people mistake what help is supposed to be. 
If I ask you to help me carry my bag, usually it's for a period of time, and after that, I'm expected to carry the bag again. 
If I ask someone to help me out of the water cos I can't swim, the person helps me out of the water. The rescuer doesn't hold me in the water indefinitely just to keep me from drowning. 

So what is equality in society? 
Basically, if any of these people joined a company they should all be hired IF they have the same qualification, assuming they are all fresh grads from the same school, and assuming no interview process.
An ugly person, a person of differing race, a handicapped person which handicap doesn't affect the job, a well dressed person, a person with different sexual orientation, etc... 
Although they might all be hired, they will all NOT be able to do the same job as well as someone else. There will be those who can do the job better. 
Thus, we are all different. 
And if anyone loses the job due to lack of ability, that is also cos we are all different. 

This goes the same as charities. If a charity helps someone and finds that he is squandering excess money on drugs, cigarettes, women. Should the charity continue to help this person? 

Gender equality isn't just about holding doors open for girls. 
It's also about equal pay for the same amount of work done. 
It's about equal opportunity to work and rise to the rank of a General in the Army IF the person is qualified. 
Gender equality is also about men being allowed to cry without being judged as wimps. 

Similarly, doing good isn't all about donating money or working for charities.
It's also not all about giving free money to beneficiaries. 
More often than not, the less fortunate have other issues, mental issues, disciplinary issues, lack of self esteem, and I think many times, these are also missed out. 
But also, IF this person is undeserving of help, just like a company can fire a person who is under-performing, a charity can remove someone from help as well. 

Anyway conclusion of my thoughts. 

Charities create more consumption which in turn generate more jobs and bring people out of poverty. This is probably somewhat true although in an indirect way. 
Does this mean that if we increase consumption by 10%, then there would be so many other jobs that the poor can take up? If so, then there would be no more poor. 
But I highly doubt this is the case. I rather believe that, more often than not, being poor is a state of mind a lack of knowledge and an unwillingness to change. 
The world doesn't treat each other the equally, I try not to work against the flow. I recognize it and try to be as fair as I can in whatever that I do. But I think people who help themselves should get a main bulk of the help available.

But hey! Think about it this way... just by existing as a non-profit organization, you have created additional demand and created more jobs which resulted in a number of people who were never poor due to the availability of these jobs. (Just an example...) It's like spending Singaporean money to spur the Thailand economy. 

Although I think it would be interesting to consolidate a 10 year track record of an organization to see what they have accomplished. 
X amount collected
Y amount spent on wages
Z amount spent on paying rental
B amount spent on marketing
C amount spent on building D number of schools
E amount spent giving to beneficiaries
Number of people enrolled in the program, number of people who graduated from the program and managed to become independent. 

I really really wonder what the numbers would look like. 


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