It's really quite intriguing...
After my previous post... I got a couple of comments... I suspect they aren't regular readers cos for the folks who have followed my story, I think I addressed many of the points raised by the commentators...
The gist of the comments revolved around me making use of my wife and that I am using her money to fulfill my wants and my travel and the car and all that stuff... and that maybe I intend to persuade her to work til she's old so that we can enjoy our standard of living.
And naturally, this was annoying and unfair... especially since I've talked about this many times.
So I thought, maybe I should do a post on this, and next time anyone who posts comments about me making use of my wife, I can just direct them to this post.
You see, when I first retired/semi-retired, I asked my wife to join me.
Of course new readers would never know this. I left my work in my early 30s and I asked her to retire young with me and we can spend time together.
I/We've always been frugal in our relationship and with our house paid up, we have enough to last us the rest of our lives.
Since I always talk about semi-retirement, there's an understanding that there will be some light work during the years as we grow old to supplement our income IF necessary.
The thing is... she could never understand early retirement. She loved her work, and when I suggested retiring early, she was annoyed. Cos to her, I was trying to persuade her to stop doing something which she enjoyed. And we had this discussion for some time. I could not understand her love for her work, and she could not understand why I would want to retire young.
And that's how it is. It's not really easy to really understand something unless you've really experienced it yourself. I cannot understand love for work, and she cannot understand dislike for work. People always think "It's not possible to love your work" cos it's never happened to them. For me, I see this everyday when I look at my wife. It IS possible to love one's work.
So we discussed about her leaving her job eventually, and at that point of time, we thought 40+ would be a good age and we can travel more and spend time together. So we left it as that... As the years went by, we never discussed this again as she is always happy with her job. But now, as I look at her. I wonder if at 40+, she would really want to stop working, cos... if she loves it so much? Would it be reasonable for her to stop?
The thing is... most people don't realize. I want her to stop working so that we can spend time doing other things.
But if she loves what she's doing, is it fair for me to demand/persuade her to stop so that we can pursue other things? Would that instead be selfish of me?
But we don't think about this anymore, and we live our lives now and be happy and we'll decide on when she wants to quit as we grow older.
The car and travel, I've explained previously...
The car is a product of her work, she works in a quiet corner of Singapore and her company is paying for the car. I fetch her around. If she changes her job, the car will go. I have never thought of it as something I wanted in my life.
As for travel, it is the same. She travels for work. I don't really want to follow, it's not as fun as people think it is. I've written about this before as well...
She likes having me around when she travels, she feels more secure, she has company to do stuff, have meals and she feels happier when I travel with her and accompany her. So I follow her around. It takes up a large chunk of our spending, and I have told her that I prefer not to follow her on her biz trips, but she wants me so... so I go.
Seriously... most people don't know how much I don't want to follow her on her biz trips... Most people just think that it's just fun and games and I go there and enjoy the travel... It's really not like that after going to the same place over and over again.
Again, this is a product of her work. If she changes her job, and she doesn't go on biz trips as much, we wouldn't travel as much.
The house has "technically" been "paid up". We have the funds to fully pay it up but we have not done so cos our loan interest is lower than CPF interest. I obviously paid for or will pay for half the house if we ever choose to fully pay it up when the time comes.
For people who follow my blog, they know our household expense is considered very low.
I have my expense updates for the past few months, since I've started tracking.
If we remove any expenses due to her work, which is mainly the car and me following her on her biz trips, our actual monthly expense is around S$1,000 per month.
And yes, I contribute my fair share of the spending.
So... you see, the thing is... it's really easy to just read a single post and jump to conclusion about how my relationship with my wife is.
Is my relationship with my wife abnormal? Yes, we know we aren't the usual couple and how most couple dynamics work. This is how we decided to optimize our lives together. She likes her work, so she continues to work. I've offered to go back to work, but we've decided that it's not optimal for our overall happiness. Also written somewhat about this in a previous post.
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After my previous post... I got a couple of comments... I suspect they aren't regular readers cos for the folks who have followed my story, I think I addressed many of the points raised by the commentators...
The gist of the comments revolved around me making use of my wife and that I am using her money to fulfill my wants and my travel and the car and all that stuff... and that maybe I intend to persuade her to work til she's old so that we can enjoy our standard of living.
And naturally, this was annoying and unfair... especially since I've talked about this many times.
So I thought, maybe I should do a post on this, and next time anyone who posts comments about me making use of my wife, I can just direct them to this post.
You see, when I first retired/semi-retired, I asked my wife to join me.
Of course new readers would never know this. I left my work in my early 30s and I asked her to retire young with me and we can spend time together.
I/We've always been frugal in our relationship and with our house paid up, we have enough to last us the rest of our lives.
Since I always talk about semi-retirement, there's an understanding that there will be some light work during the years as we grow old to supplement our income IF necessary.
The thing is... she could never understand early retirement. She loved her work, and when I suggested retiring early, she was annoyed. Cos to her, I was trying to persuade her to stop doing something which she enjoyed. And we had this discussion for some time. I could not understand her love for her work, and she could not understand why I would want to retire young.
And that's how it is. It's not really easy to really understand something unless you've really experienced it yourself. I cannot understand love for work, and she cannot understand dislike for work. People always think "It's not possible to love your work" cos it's never happened to them. For me, I see this everyday when I look at my wife. It IS possible to love one's work.
So we discussed about her leaving her job eventually, and at that point of time, we thought 40+ would be a good age and we can travel more and spend time together. So we left it as that... As the years went by, we never discussed this again as she is always happy with her job. But now, as I look at her. I wonder if at 40+, she would really want to stop working, cos... if she loves it so much? Would it be reasonable for her to stop?
The thing is... most people don't realize. I want her to stop working so that we can spend time doing other things.
But if she loves what she's doing, is it fair for me to demand/persuade her to stop so that we can pursue other things? Would that instead be selfish of me?
But we don't think about this anymore, and we live our lives now and be happy and we'll decide on when she wants to quit as we grow older.
The car and travel, I've explained previously...
The car is a product of her work, she works in a quiet corner of Singapore and her company is paying for the car. I fetch her around. If she changes her job, the car will go. I have never thought of it as something I wanted in my life.
As for travel, it is the same. She travels for work. I don't really want to follow, it's not as fun as people think it is. I've written about this before as well...
She likes having me around when she travels, she feels more secure, she has company to do stuff, have meals and she feels happier when I travel with her and accompany her. So I follow her around. It takes up a large chunk of our spending, and I have told her that I prefer not to follow her on her biz trips, but she wants me so... so I go.
Seriously... most people don't know how much I don't want to follow her on her biz trips... Most people just think that it's just fun and games and I go there and enjoy the travel... It's really not like that after going to the same place over and over again.
Again, this is a product of her work. If she changes her job, and she doesn't go on biz trips as much, we wouldn't travel as much.
The house has "technically" been "paid up". We have the funds to fully pay it up but we have not done so cos our loan interest is lower than CPF interest. I obviously paid for or will pay for half the house if we ever choose to fully pay it up when the time comes.
For people who follow my blog, they know our household expense is considered very low.
I have my expense updates for the past few months, since I've started tracking.
If we remove any expenses due to her work, which is mainly the car and me following her on her biz trips, our actual monthly expense is around S$1,000 per month.
And yes, I contribute my fair share of the spending.
So... you see, the thing is... it's really easy to just read a single post and jump to conclusion about how my relationship with my wife is.
Is my relationship with my wife abnormal? Yes, we know we aren't the usual couple and how most couple dynamics work. This is how we decided to optimize our lives together. She likes her work, so she continues to work. I've offered to go back to work, but we've decided that it's not optimal for our overall happiness. Also written somewhat about this in a previous post.
<<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>>
Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls.
You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right.
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