You know, tell you the truth, I don't have much longer to live.
I'm a bit sad though, cos I leave a lot of friends behind whom I think I'd miss. And loved ones as well. If I have some form of consciousness after I'm gone, I know I'll miss them.
You see, I've found out that I've only around 50+ years left in my life.
When I was born, I think I had around 90 years or around 30,000 days.
Now, I'm left with 18,000 days.
That's like almost 40% gone.
And this is assuming that my time doesn't get cut short by some illness or accident, etc
We've always been very open to talk about my mortality. We're not pantang (superstitious) or anything and I think everyone should be open about it. Cos by talking about it and understanding that your time here is limited, you would live life very differently.
I'll list down some benefits and experiences to talking about death.
1. Preparing our will.
This is a very basic benefit. We've both prepared our wills. All our assets will go to each other upon any of our demise. We feel our parents are kinda not investment savvy, ie, they tend not to do any investments and tend to spend freely. They don't go crazy buying stuff but they don't have as much financial discipline as we'd like them to have. So we've bequeathed, our assets to each other with the understanding that the surviving party will give a monthly allowance to our parents until they leave this Earth as well. Obviously both of us are on good relations with our in-laws.
2. Allocating time appropriately.
This is really important. Knowing that my time and the time of people around me is limited. I try to spend time on the more important aspect of my life or people around my life. Grandparents, parents, etc. You see, realizing about mortality isn't only about your own life, it's also understanding that the people around you will leave as well. So knowing this, I know how much time and effort to allocate to my work (previously), hobbies, meetings with friends, don't waste time on people who don't appreciate you, spend time with the elderly in the family, etc.
This also includes doing things which you've always wanted to do, like, start a business, learn a language, travel, etc.
Spending more time with your kids when they are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, cos they will never be that age again. You may never see them grow through each of the stages in their lives. Or maybe it isn't important to you. That's for your to decide and allocate your time.
3. Cherishing your relationships
Slightly different from the above.
I once chided an elderly in my family. The elderly was a typical grumpy and uncooperative elderly just made things difficult for others just for the sake of it. Kept quiet and just holed up in the room and came out rarely, but even in the rare occasions, it made the lives of the people around just inconvenient.
Anyway, a summary of what I told the person.
"If you want to listen to me or don't listen to me, I don't care, it's your life. But know this, you have max, around 10 years to live, that's 520 weekends which you will be able to see your children and grandchildren. You can stay in your room and ignore everyone, you can make things difficult for others, you can be upset with others for petty little things. It's all your life that you are wasting. When you're gone, you're gone. You can spend the remainder of your life happy and enjoying the company of the people around you or you can ignore everyone. No one will be bothered. You can spend your life being upset with others for whatever petty reason, but in the end, you are only wasting your life, cos no one cares that you're upset with them. People won't be unhappy cos you are unhappy. The only thing you have achieved is that you are unhappy. You don't have much time left to spend with your children and grandchildren. What you do with them now is how they will remember you. So everything is up to you. It's your life you are wasting, not mine. You can listen to me or even be upset with me for telling you this, but it's still your life."
(I saw changes in the person on our next encounter.)
You see. I live my life like this as best as I can. Every day, every minute, I must be happy. I tell myself that. I spend a lot of time with my wife and we don't hold grudges. We don't have cold wars. After an argument, when it's over, it's over.
(Our communication levels are actually quite high, I didn't realize that it's not normal, until I spoke with other folks about how we handle our disagreements.)
So we blast it out really quickly, and the disagreement is over. The next minute things are back to normal. There's nothing to be upset about.
(We DO work out our differences during the discussion/argument. It's not just left to fester. This is the important part. Cos we CAN work it out and come to a mutual understanding.)
My mentality to this is simple. Having a cold war is pointless. There is no value to that. There's no lesson or benefit in having a cold war for hours or days. If we want to divorce each other then we should just do it. If we aren't going to divorce each other, then what's there to be upset about? We're going to stay together and grow our lives together. So every minute more of upset-ness with each other is just a waste of another minute of our lives which we could be happy together. It's as simple as that. This works with any other relationship which you have.
If you have any relationship which you want to patch or get back, then get back, else forget about it. You never know if the other party is actually also feeling the same way. Of course the problem with this is the communication. Cos it's not easy to get people to come to a common understanding. But if the relationship is valuable to both parties then I'm sure the communication can be worked out. If the communication cannot work out then maybe one of the parties isn't reasonable and the relationship isn't as valuable to that person as it is to you, if that's the case, you may want to reconsider the relationship.
I can proudly say this. If my wife were to leave the Earth at anytime, I would have no regrets. Cos I've spent as much time with her as I possibly can. I would not have the feelings of "I should have spent more time", I would feel, "if only I had more time".
There's a difference. One, is controlled by you.
The other is controlled by whatever Life gives you.
So I'd encourage you to, put down your phone, or make some effort to spend time with people whom you would miss when they go. Cos one day, they will and you would think "If only I spent more time with them."
I've realized that after money has been settled. As in sufficient money for food, clothes, shelter, fair enough entertainment, the next important thing is time and health. Leading into my next post.
<<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>>
I'm a bit sad though, cos I leave a lot of friends behind whom I think I'd miss. And loved ones as well. If I have some form of consciousness after I'm gone, I know I'll miss them.
You see, I've found out that I've only around 50+ years left in my life.
When I was born, I think I had around 90 years or around 30,000 days.
Now, I'm left with 18,000 days.
That's like almost 40% gone.
And this is assuming that my time doesn't get cut short by some illness or accident, etc
We've always been very open to talk about my mortality. We're not pantang (superstitious) or anything and I think everyone should be open about it. Cos by talking about it and understanding that your time here is limited, you would live life very differently.
I'll list down some benefits and experiences to talking about death.
1. Preparing our will.
This is a very basic benefit. We've both prepared our wills. All our assets will go to each other upon any of our demise. We feel our parents are kinda not investment savvy, ie, they tend not to do any investments and tend to spend freely. They don't go crazy buying stuff but they don't have as much financial discipline as we'd like them to have. So we've bequeathed, our assets to each other with the understanding that the surviving party will give a monthly allowance to our parents until they leave this Earth as well. Obviously both of us are on good relations with our in-laws.
2. Allocating time appropriately.
This is really important. Knowing that my time and the time of people around me is limited. I try to spend time on the more important aspect of my life or people around my life. Grandparents, parents, etc. You see, realizing about mortality isn't only about your own life, it's also understanding that the people around you will leave as well. So knowing this, I know how much time and effort to allocate to my work (previously), hobbies, meetings with friends, don't waste time on people who don't appreciate you, spend time with the elderly in the family, etc.
This also includes doing things which you've always wanted to do, like, start a business, learn a language, travel, etc.
Spending more time with your kids when they are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, cos they will never be that age again. You may never see them grow through each of the stages in their lives. Or maybe it isn't important to you. That's for your to decide and allocate your time.
3. Cherishing your relationships
Slightly different from the above.
I once chided an elderly in my family. The elderly was a typical grumpy and uncooperative elderly just made things difficult for others just for the sake of it. Kept quiet and just holed up in the room and came out rarely, but even in the rare occasions, it made the lives of the people around just inconvenient.
Anyway, a summary of what I told the person.
"If you want to listen to me or don't listen to me, I don't care, it's your life. But know this, you have max, around 10 years to live, that's 520 weekends which you will be able to see your children and grandchildren. You can stay in your room and ignore everyone, you can make things difficult for others, you can be upset with others for petty little things. It's all your life that you are wasting. When you're gone, you're gone. You can spend the remainder of your life happy and enjoying the company of the people around you or you can ignore everyone. No one will be bothered. You can spend your life being upset with others for whatever petty reason, but in the end, you are only wasting your life, cos no one cares that you're upset with them. People won't be unhappy cos you are unhappy. The only thing you have achieved is that you are unhappy. You don't have much time left to spend with your children and grandchildren. What you do with them now is how they will remember you. So everything is up to you. It's your life you are wasting, not mine. You can listen to me or even be upset with me for telling you this, but it's still your life."
(I saw changes in the person on our next encounter.)
You see. I live my life like this as best as I can. Every day, every minute, I must be happy. I tell myself that. I spend a lot of time with my wife and we don't hold grudges. We don't have cold wars. After an argument, when it's over, it's over.
(Our communication levels are actually quite high, I didn't realize that it's not normal, until I spoke with other folks about how we handle our disagreements.)
So we blast it out really quickly, and the disagreement is over. The next minute things are back to normal. There's nothing to be upset about.
(We DO work out our differences during the discussion/argument. It's not just left to fester. This is the important part. Cos we CAN work it out and come to a mutual understanding.)
My mentality to this is simple. Having a cold war is pointless. There is no value to that. There's no lesson or benefit in having a cold war for hours or days. If we want to divorce each other then we should just do it. If we aren't going to divorce each other, then what's there to be upset about? We're going to stay together and grow our lives together. So every minute more of upset-ness with each other is just a waste of another minute of our lives which we could be happy together. It's as simple as that. This works with any other relationship which you have.
If you have any relationship which you want to patch or get back, then get back, else forget about it. You never know if the other party is actually also feeling the same way. Of course the problem with this is the communication. Cos it's not easy to get people to come to a common understanding. But if the relationship is valuable to both parties then I'm sure the communication can be worked out. If the communication cannot work out then maybe one of the parties isn't reasonable and the relationship isn't as valuable to that person as it is to you, if that's the case, you may want to reconsider the relationship.
I can proudly say this. If my wife were to leave the Earth at anytime, I would have no regrets. Cos I've spent as much time with her as I possibly can. I would not have the feelings of "I should have spent more time", I would feel, "if only I had more time".
There's a difference. One, is controlled by you.
The other is controlled by whatever Life gives you.
So I'd encourage you to, put down your phone, or make some effort to spend time with people whom you would miss when they go. Cos one day, they will and you would think "If only I spent more time with them."
I've realized that after money has been settled. As in sufficient money for food, clothes, shelter, fair enough entertainment, the next important thing is time and health. Leading into my next post.
<<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>>
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