Ok. So I received an interesting email recently. And I think well, this person ("The Sender") seems to be pretty respectful and the tone of the email seems pretty "ok" in critiquing my lifestyle which I accept.
So I asked if I could share the contents of the email to my other readers and also respond to it.
When I first received the email, I was quite stunned. Cos there are so many other ways I can respond to the email. I took it pretty positively so I'm not trying to shame The Sender by posting it on my blog, but I think that there are other readers like her, who think similarly, and I would like to address all these points so that everyone can understand it.
Anyway, I'll let readers read the email first before my analysis and my responses.
So I asked if I could share the contents of the email to my other readers and also respond to it.
When I first received the email, I was quite stunned. Cos there are so many other ways I can respond to the email. I took it pretty positively so I'm not trying to shame The Sender by posting it on my blog, but I think that there are other readers like her, who think similarly, and I would like to address all these points so that everyone can understand it.
Anyway, I'll let readers read the email first before my analysis and my responses.
Dear Mr Earlyretirement,
First of all, thank you for sharing about your life. I appreciate that you open up about your life because it is really very unique. I have never encountered anyone like you in real life. I do not agree with you but I can still find your blog interesting.
Yet, I am writing to you not out of positive sentiment, but rather the opposite. I will try to keep it respectful because respect begets respect. So in this spirit, I pre-empt that what I am going to say is not going to be pleasant. But I am somehow confident that you are willing to receive negative comments and criticism, since you open a blog and update frequently.
Congratulations for having reached a point in life where you don't need to work. It appears that you are leading your dream life. There is everything wonderful about reaching ones goal in life, but what I find repulsive is why your dream is so low.
You are clearly of high-intelligence stock, you are probably smarter than me. Why do you choose to reduce yourself to being a consumer?
What do I mean by "consumer"? While you are extremely frugal, you choose not to contribute to society in a way that your full potential allows.
You following your wife around serving as her companion, your doing of housework, freeganism - all these are just paltry, inconsequential actions. In the big scheme of things, these are just miserly, lowly behavior. You consume by reading things other people write, watching videos and movies that other people produce. You travel and make use of the infrastructure that society has built. You think that you have managed to outwit the system, that you have successfully exited the grid, but all you achieved is to make yourself small and confine yourself to the grout between the tiles of civilisation.
So even while you conserve your monetary resources, conserve your energy, you unwittingly become a parasite on society not because you do harm (you do not do harm), but because you devour the positive externalities that drop out from other people's plates.
No wonder then that you say that you feel down in a recent blog post. How would the emptiness of your existence not haunt your conscience, even in a vague and oblique way? You are not making the best use of your talents to help other people and become someone who produces the positive externalities. You do not talk about your relatives in your blog. Do you have enough abundance and buffer in your life to help them if they fall into difficulty, or do you only care about yourself and your wife? How about the unfortunate in society, do you donate towards worthy causes? Or how about supporting your political views and making contributions in that direction? Or volunteering for religious bodies and acting as a conduit for the promotion of good morals? Since you have found a way to achieve financial independence at a young age, you are clearly of high capability. Why doesn't it interest you to become the second Bill Gates and setting up some kind of philanthropic body to do good among those who are weaker than you, who are less blessed than you?
I don't see you talking about helping others in your blog. All you talk about is you, you and you, or some vain philosophizing about life. If I were you, I would have fallen straight into depression. Being lazy, wilfully doing nothing with my time, caring only about myself while I am young and healthy would have driven me insane since long ago. Such meaninglessness, drifting here and there without a goal, would have made me ashamed of myself to no end.
Consciously choosing not to contribute to society while being blessed with more than the capabilities to do so is the failing.
Maybe this is not the first time you heard such message. Maybe every human being is different and to each his own. What I am trying to do is to give you an alternative perspective on your life, and an insight on why you feel down recently. To an objective bystander, your emotional response is no surprise at all. It is in fact an inevitable consequence of your lifestyle.
Thank you for reading this.
Part 1 - The Analysis
I'll cover the analysis first. Of course my response MAY sound harsh, or challenging to The Sender, but truthfully, I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything negative.
Ok, so the whole email covered quite a number of points and ideas. I have received such comments before in various forms from friends, my mum, other readers and I probably wrote about it before in various posts littered through the years.
I'll start...
When we look at the world, we look at it through our own eyes. Mentally we map the world as we know it, society as we know it, and place certain expectations and values on various aspects of life.
The idea of "If everyone else did <insert your own idea>, we would have world peace."
The thing is, everyone has their own idea. That's why politics is divisive. Each person thinks their idea is better than the other person's.
We will never know what another person feels, tastes, likes, we can only use our own selves as estimates.
I taste a lobster. My tongue has taste buds that send signals to my brain, my brain interprets the tastes in a particular manner. I like it. Based on my own experience, I can only anticipate that someone else would probably feel similar when eating a lobster. BUT... I will never know if the same lobster tastes the same in someone else's mouth. It may still be delicious, but I will never know if it tastes the same as how I taste it.
Same for homosexuals. I like girls. I don't think any other influence will make me like guys. I don't know why some people blame exposure to Western culture for inducing other people to be homosexual. Based on my own experience, I like girls, so its easy to think that all guys like girls. Statistically, there are a lot of guys who like girls. So I must be right... Right?
But how would I know what a homosexual guy thinks? Yes, he may be different. But, how does anyone know that he wasn't born different?
The fact is, we will never know. Unless one day, we are able to transfer another consciousness into someone else's brain.
Where am I going with this?
We look at the world through our own eyes. We will never know what someone else will feel, like, value.
Certain things, it makes sense to some people, we cannot understand why would someone else not see things in the same way. The thing is, we don't value the same things and even if we do, we don't place the same value on the same thing.
Knowing this, let's move on to my response to the points highlighted in the email.
Part 2 - The Response
There is everything wonderful about reaching ones goal in life, but what I find repulsive is why your dream is so low.
ERSG : There is no dream except your own. You have concluded that my dream is low in relation to your own world view. You have defined the "correct" dream to be a dream which is similar to what most of the world views as "dreams" or "success".
You are clearly of high-intelligence stock, you are probably smarter than me. Why do you choose to reduce yourself to being a consumer?
What do I mean by "consumer"? While you are extremely frugal, you choose not to contribute to society in a way that your full potential allows.
ERSG : I worked when I was younger. I paid my taxes. I was frugal and attained my current lifestyle. I make investments. The companies which I own a part of pay taxes which contribute to society.
Once again "contribute to society" is you own world view. What you deem as contributing to society is not the same as what I deem contributing to society.
Do you think a normal person who consumes normally, who works for 40+ years of his life is contributing to society? Maybe you do. But I feel that such a person consumes much more of the Earth's resources. From my point of view, the average person degrades the Earth due to being a consumer. In fact I think this is very selfish behaviour cos it consumes the Earth's resources which will be a cost on the generations of the future.
And maybe to you this person is contributing to society, but to me this person is taking away from the society of the future. Different world view, different perspectives.
You following your wife around serving as her companion, your doing of housework, freeganism - all these are just paltry, inconsequential actions. In the big scheme of things, these are just miserly, lowly behavior. You consume by reading things other people write, watching videos and movies that other people produce. You travel and make use of the infrastructure that society has built. You think that you have managed to outwit the system, that you have successfully exited the grid, but all you achieved is to make yourself small and confine yourself to the grout between the tiles of civilisation.
ERSG : "Inconsequential actions" is once again your own world view. What you deem as inconsequential is not inconsequential to me. Similarly, a housewife is not inconsequential. Once again, you have used the basic world view of what most people deem as success/worthy to apply to me/others.
When I consume by reading, watching, I AM part of the bigger picture, the websites that I visit earn advertising dollars when I consume their content. When I travel, I pay for my flights, this is/was paid with the money I earned when I was younger, and also the money which I earn by investing in companies. That's what being a shareholder means.
I didn't manage to outwit the system. The system is a capitalistic system. Means it tries to allocate resources as best as it can. I chose to allocate my time to earn money when I was younger and be frugal and save so that I can invest. It is because of this system that allows me to do this.
As to being "small and confining myself", well... I'm just a normal person. I think... the whole 3 blocks of HDB where I stay, most of the people could also be considered "small and confining themselves".
So even while you conserve your monetary resources, conserve your energy, you unwittingly become a parasite on society not because you do harm (you do not do harm), but because you devour the positive externalities that drop out from other people's plates.
ERSG : They don't just drop out of other people's plates. As I said above, I paid my taxes when I was younger, and I pay indirect taxes as an owner of companies. The companies which I own provide a service to society. That's what being a shareholder means. That's achievable because I live in such a capitalistic society. When I travel, eat, consume, I am a part of society and I contribute just like any other person.
I have used my time and energy in my younger days to earn money. And now the money works for me by oiling the gears of the economy.
It appears that what you deem "contributing to society", which is your own world view, requires someone to do actual physical labour, or utilise someone's own personal time. There is no other way to do it, except your way? I'll say it again, it is your own world view of how you feel this world is "supposed" to work.
No wonder then that you say that you feel down in a recent blog post. How would the emptiness of your existence not haunt your conscience, even in a vague and oblique way?
ERSG : I was feeling down, cos I miss home, I woke up at 6am, sick, in a cold country, which is pretty miserable, the air is dry which hurts my sore throat every time I breathe.
I am ok doing nothing. To me doing nothing is doing something. I've written about it before, doing nothing isn't really doing nothing. It is perceived as doing nothing by normal world standards. And, nope, I am at peace with the emptiness of my existence. In the vastness of time and space, I/we are just a speck, and life is just what we make of it for ourselves. Now, this is my own world view.
You are not making the best use of your talents to help other people and become someone who produces the positive externalities. You do not talk about your relatives in your blog. Do you have enough abundance and buffer in your life to help them if they fall into difficulty, or do you only care about yourself and your wife?
ERSG : Let me put across a couple of scenarios.
Me, I worked when I was younger, frugal, saved up, invested so that I can be free and live my own life doing nothing.
An average person, he works 40+ years of his life, spends on himself and his immediate family, goes on his holidays, buys stuff, lives a highly consumer lifestyle.
I'm no different from the average person. Don't expect any MORE from me.
An average person spends his time and works, earns money to buy stuff and consume. He works longer cos he consumes more. His ability to help his other relatives is as limited as how much he chooses to save.
Me, I spent less time working and earned some money. Due to my lack of consumption, I don't need to work as long. My ability to help my other relatives is limited to how much more I have above what I have for myself.
So why is there a greater expectation for me just cos I'm in a "better position"? I made my decision to live my life this way. It's not that I didn't make any trade offs along the way.
Example : It's like if I scrimped and saved til I became rich (which I'm not), then when I'm rich, you ask me to use my wealth to give it to someone else... HUH? Then I scrimp and save for what?
When you ask the rich to donate, you usually ask them to donate a small amount in relation to their wealth. Why not ask me to donate a small amount of my time to contribute to society? Why question my entire lifestyle?
How about the unfortunate in society, do you donate towards worthy causes? Or how about supporting your political views and making contributions in that direction? Or volunteering for religious bodies and acting as a conduit for the promotion of good morals? Since you have found a way to achieve financial independence at a young age, you are clearly of high capability. Why doesn't it interest you to become the second Bill Gates and setting up some kind of philanthropic body to do good among those who are weaker than you, who are less blessed than you?
ERSG : It is easy to say, ERSG, you have reached this point in life. Why don't you do more to help others.
On the flip side, would you tell an average person, "Hey why don't you work hard when you are young, be frugal, save more, retire early, then you can be like ERSG... THEN you can help others."
Would you do that yourself? Would you ask anyone else that?
It's easy to ask me to help others cos I'm at this point where people think is a nice sweet spot.
And yes, I made certain sacrifices along the way.
But why won't you ask an average person, to make the same sacrifices so that they themselves can attain this sweet spot, so that they can further go on to help others?
Basically, the thing is. Most likely, you are ok with normal people being normal consumers. You don't have much expectations of them. But somehow, due to my current situation in life, you expect more from me? Why? Why don't you expect more from them as well?
I worked hard to get to this point and I want to enjoy my free time and freedom, and you are asking me to give up my free time and freedom for the "good of mankind".
Other normal people choose to work hard to enjoy their holidays and LV bags. Why don't you ask them to give up their holidays and LV bags for the "good of mankind" as well?
Side note : When I was in Singapore I helped with SG Food Rescue to save perfectly edible food from going into the bins and passing these food on to the less fortunate on a weekly basis. On average, they prevent 1.5 tonnes of food wastage and redirect it to beneficiaries. I'm just putting this as a response to whether I do stuff that help others. The main point is the above few paragraphs.
I don't see you talking about helping others in your blog. All you talk about is you, you and you, or some vain philosophizing about life. If I were you, I would have fallen straight into depression. Being lazy, wilfully doing nothing with my time, caring only about myself while I am young and healthy would have driven me insane since long ago. Such meaninglessness, drifting here and there without a goal, would have made me ashamed of myself to no end.
ERSG : Hmmm I think I answered this above.
"If I were you"... that's the point you are not me.
I highlighted this in Part 1, you have defined for yourself what you deem "a life worth living". That is your world view, and it's quite common for people to think that, logically, why can't everyone come to the same world view as yourself.
You have come to your own "conclusion" based on your own brain logic. You added up what you feel is valuable, what you find meaning in, etc etc, and come to a conclusion of what constitutes a "good life".
The thing is, your brain logic, is not the same as anyone else's. Everyone will come to their own answer for what is considered "a life worth living".
I myself have a world view, and I myself wonder why other people don't live like me. If only they did this, or that, then their lives would be so much happier, etc etc...
Meaning/Meaninglessness... is once again defined by yourself. A pet puppy does nothing in it's life. The owner feeds it, cares for it, and when the dog dies, the owner will cry for it. Does the life of the puppy have any meaning?
As a stranger, the dog could mean nothing. As the owner, the dog could mean the loss of a family member.
Did the puppy/dog's life have no meaning?
Ashamed/Shame is a function of external expectations of society. People feel shame cos society ostracizes them cos they are not normal, or behave in a way which is not congruent to what the society feels is acceptable. For you to feel ashamed of yourself, is when a part of your consciousness attaches itself to society and looks at yourself through the lenses of society and judge yourself based on the expectations of society, and you feel bad, cos what you are doing is not what the society expects you to be doing regardless whether the thing is right or wrong or neutral.
And so, I understand shame and where it comes from. And so I do not feel any shame. It is an unfortunate characteristic of humans that ostracizes other people who are different from themselves. It causes people to hide their true natures and not to be true to themselves.
Consciously choosing not to contribute to society while being blessed with more than the capabilities to do so is the failing.
ERSG : Same answers as the above.
"Failing" is your own world view.
How about I ask you to do the same thing as what you asked of me?
Work hard when you're young, be frugal, save more, invest, and when you have just enough, go and do some philanthropic work, or whatever?
No? Why? No interest? Why? Cos it's not what you want in your life?
Well... that's not what I want in my life.
Maybe this is not the first time you heard such message. Maybe every human being is different and to each his own. What I am trying to do is to give you an alternative perspective on your life, and an insight on why you feel down recently. To an objective bystander, your emotional response is no surprise at all. It is in fact an inevitable consequence of your lifestyle.
ERSG : Yep not the first time.
Bingo! You got it right at the end. It is not "maybe every human is different"... Every human IS different and there is no "ideal life". There is no perfect way of living. You live whatever way you want to live cos at the end, on your deathbed you answer only to yourself. Your regrets, your successes (or what you yourself deem are your successes). Your successes will not be my successes. What you deem to be successful will not be what I deem to be successful. What you deem to be a wasted life will not be what I deem to be a wasted life. In the end, you owe it to yourself to live a life worth living. And I owe it to myself to live a life worth living for myself.
Above you suggested things that you thought I should do, could do, based on your own perception of an "ideal life", of what you felt was successful and what life should be about, contributing to society, not wasting time, etc etc.
Similarly, I could also suggest to you a string of things that you could do so that you could "improve" your own life, based on my own world view and my definitions of success.
So in ending... I'm not offended by your email. It's not surprising. Personally, maybe 20 years ago, I might have thought of my current self differently from what I think of myself now cos my younger world view is different from my world view now. As I grew older, I learnt more about myself and I crafted a life that I felt was worthy in my own current world view, having more time with my wife, my family, friends, having time for myself to enjoy my life.
And you should do whatever you want with your life.
I'll leave you with this last point. You look at the world through your own lenses and your own personal experiences and what you feel. You build what you perceive of the world based on your own values which you were taught when you were young or learnt along the way. What you feel is worth, not worth, likes, dislikes, success, failures, etc... Based on this you come up with what you should do, and what you hope people would do, cos it's congruent with your beliefs.
But... you'll never know how someone else feels, loves, hates, how someone else feels pain, hunger, happiness, etc. How they think, what they feel is worth doing or not worth doing, what is successful or failure, how they taste, what they see, etc, at best you can use your own brain to try to understand someone else's feelings and thoughts. But in the end that is not good enough, cos we can only use our own experience to try to understand how someone else is feeling, in the end, you will NEVER be able to fully understand or feel the same way as someone else.
A rock is a rock to you but this rock could be a souvenir that some young boy received from his, now deceased, grandfather during a camping trip when he was young.
You have your own world view of your own life and how you want to live it and how you feel is worth to live it. Your email to me, is you using your own world view of your own life and putting it on top of my life and suggesting changes to "improve" my life to fit what you feel is a "good" life worth living.
And THAT... is not my life.
I've no intention to be offensive so I hope you don't take my responses poorly.
There is everything wonderful about reaching ones goal in life, but what I find repulsive is why your dream is so low.
ERSG : There is no dream except your own. You have concluded that my dream is low in relation to your own world view. You have defined the "correct" dream to be a dream which is similar to what most of the world views as "dreams" or "success".
You are clearly of high-intelligence stock, you are probably smarter than me. Why do you choose to reduce yourself to being a consumer?
What do I mean by "consumer"? While you are extremely frugal, you choose not to contribute to society in a way that your full potential allows.
ERSG : I worked when I was younger. I paid my taxes. I was frugal and attained my current lifestyle. I make investments. The companies which I own a part of pay taxes which contribute to society.
Once again "contribute to society" is you own world view. What you deem as contributing to society is not the same as what I deem contributing to society.
Do you think a normal person who consumes normally, who works for 40+ years of his life is contributing to society? Maybe you do. But I feel that such a person consumes much more of the Earth's resources. From my point of view, the average person degrades the Earth due to being a consumer. In fact I think this is very selfish behaviour cos it consumes the Earth's resources which will be a cost on the generations of the future.
And maybe to you this person is contributing to society, but to me this person is taking away from the society of the future. Different world view, different perspectives.
You following your wife around serving as her companion, your doing of housework, freeganism - all these are just paltry, inconsequential actions. In the big scheme of things, these are just miserly, lowly behavior. You consume by reading things other people write, watching videos and movies that other people produce. You travel and make use of the infrastructure that society has built. You think that you have managed to outwit the system, that you have successfully exited the grid, but all you achieved is to make yourself small and confine yourself to the grout between the tiles of civilisation.
ERSG : "Inconsequential actions" is once again your own world view. What you deem as inconsequential is not inconsequential to me. Similarly, a housewife is not inconsequential. Once again, you have used the basic world view of what most people deem as success/worthy to apply to me/others.
When I consume by reading, watching, I AM part of the bigger picture, the websites that I visit earn advertising dollars when I consume their content. When I travel, I pay for my flights, this is/was paid with the money I earned when I was younger, and also the money which I earn by investing in companies. That's what being a shareholder means.
I didn't manage to outwit the system. The system is a capitalistic system. Means it tries to allocate resources as best as it can. I chose to allocate my time to earn money when I was younger and be frugal and save so that I can invest. It is because of this system that allows me to do this.
As to being "small and confining myself", well... I'm just a normal person. I think... the whole 3 blocks of HDB where I stay, most of the people could also be considered "small and confining themselves".
So even while you conserve your monetary resources, conserve your energy, you unwittingly become a parasite on society not because you do harm (you do not do harm), but because you devour the positive externalities that drop out from other people's plates.
ERSG : They don't just drop out of other people's plates. As I said above, I paid my taxes when I was younger, and I pay indirect taxes as an owner of companies. The companies which I own provide a service to society. That's what being a shareholder means. That's achievable because I live in such a capitalistic society. When I travel, eat, consume, I am a part of society and I contribute just like any other person.
I have used my time and energy in my younger days to earn money. And now the money works for me by oiling the gears of the economy.
It appears that what you deem "contributing to society", which is your own world view, requires someone to do actual physical labour, or utilise someone's own personal time. There is no other way to do it, except your way? I'll say it again, it is your own world view of how you feel this world is "supposed" to work.
No wonder then that you say that you feel down in a recent blog post. How would the emptiness of your existence not haunt your conscience, even in a vague and oblique way?
ERSG : I was feeling down, cos I miss home, I woke up at 6am, sick, in a cold country, which is pretty miserable, the air is dry which hurts my sore throat every time I breathe.
I am ok doing nothing. To me doing nothing is doing something. I've written about it before, doing nothing isn't really doing nothing. It is perceived as doing nothing by normal world standards. And, nope, I am at peace with the emptiness of my existence. In the vastness of time and space, I/we are just a speck, and life is just what we make of it for ourselves. Now, this is my own world view.
You are not making the best use of your talents to help other people and become someone who produces the positive externalities. You do not talk about your relatives in your blog. Do you have enough abundance and buffer in your life to help them if they fall into difficulty, or do you only care about yourself and your wife?
ERSG : Let me put across a couple of scenarios.
Me, I worked when I was younger, frugal, saved up, invested so that I can be free and live my own life doing nothing.
An average person, he works 40+ years of his life, spends on himself and his immediate family, goes on his holidays, buys stuff, lives a highly consumer lifestyle.
I'm no different from the average person. Don't expect any MORE from me.
An average person spends his time and works, earns money to buy stuff and consume. He works longer cos he consumes more. His ability to help his other relatives is as limited as how much he chooses to save.
Me, I spent less time working and earned some money. Due to my lack of consumption, I don't need to work as long. My ability to help my other relatives is limited to how much more I have above what I have for myself.
So why is there a greater expectation for me just cos I'm in a "better position"? I made my decision to live my life this way. It's not that I didn't make any trade offs along the way.
Example : It's like if I scrimped and saved til I became rich (which I'm not), then when I'm rich, you ask me to use my wealth to give it to someone else... HUH? Then I scrimp and save for what?
When you ask the rich to donate, you usually ask them to donate a small amount in relation to their wealth. Why not ask me to donate a small amount of my time to contribute to society? Why question my entire lifestyle?
How about the unfortunate in society, do you donate towards worthy causes? Or how about supporting your political views and making contributions in that direction? Or volunteering for religious bodies and acting as a conduit for the promotion of good morals? Since you have found a way to achieve financial independence at a young age, you are clearly of high capability. Why doesn't it interest you to become the second Bill Gates and setting up some kind of philanthropic body to do good among those who are weaker than you, who are less blessed than you?
ERSG : It is easy to say, ERSG, you have reached this point in life. Why don't you do more to help others.
On the flip side, would you tell an average person, "Hey why don't you work hard when you are young, be frugal, save more, retire early, then you can be like ERSG... THEN you can help others."
Would you do that yourself? Would you ask anyone else that?
It's easy to ask me to help others cos I'm at this point where people think is a nice sweet spot.
And yes, I made certain sacrifices along the way.
But why won't you ask an average person, to make the same sacrifices so that they themselves can attain this sweet spot, so that they can further go on to help others?
Basically, the thing is. Most likely, you are ok with normal people being normal consumers. You don't have much expectations of them. But somehow, due to my current situation in life, you expect more from me? Why? Why don't you expect more from them as well?
I worked hard to get to this point and I want to enjoy my free time and freedom, and you are asking me to give up my free time and freedom for the "good of mankind".
Other normal people choose to work hard to enjoy their holidays and LV bags. Why don't you ask them to give up their holidays and LV bags for the "good of mankind" as well?
Side note : When I was in Singapore I helped with SG Food Rescue to save perfectly edible food from going into the bins and passing these food on to the less fortunate on a weekly basis. On average, they prevent 1.5 tonnes of food wastage and redirect it to beneficiaries. I'm just putting this as a response to whether I do stuff that help others. The main point is the above few paragraphs.
I don't see you talking about helping others in your blog. All you talk about is you, you and you, or some vain philosophizing about life. If I were you, I would have fallen straight into depression. Being lazy, wilfully doing nothing with my time, caring only about myself while I am young and healthy would have driven me insane since long ago. Such meaninglessness, drifting here and there without a goal, would have made me ashamed of myself to no end.
ERSG : Hmmm I think I answered this above.
"If I were you"... that's the point you are not me.
I highlighted this in Part 1, you have defined for yourself what you deem "a life worth living". That is your world view, and it's quite common for people to think that, logically, why can't everyone come to the same world view as yourself.
You have come to your own "conclusion" based on your own brain logic. You added up what you feel is valuable, what you find meaning in, etc etc, and come to a conclusion of what constitutes a "good life".
The thing is, your brain logic, is not the same as anyone else's. Everyone will come to their own answer for what is considered "a life worth living".
I myself have a world view, and I myself wonder why other people don't live like me. If only they did this, or that, then their lives would be so much happier, etc etc...
Meaning/Meaninglessness... is once again defined by yourself. A pet puppy does nothing in it's life. The owner feeds it, cares for it, and when the dog dies, the owner will cry for it. Does the life of the puppy have any meaning?
As a stranger, the dog could mean nothing. As the owner, the dog could mean the loss of a family member.
Did the puppy/dog's life have no meaning?
Ashamed/Shame is a function of external expectations of society. People feel shame cos society ostracizes them cos they are not normal, or behave in a way which is not congruent to what the society feels is acceptable. For you to feel ashamed of yourself, is when a part of your consciousness attaches itself to society and looks at yourself through the lenses of society and judge yourself based on the expectations of society, and you feel bad, cos what you are doing is not what the society expects you to be doing regardless whether the thing is right or wrong or neutral.
And so, I understand shame and where it comes from. And so I do not feel any shame. It is an unfortunate characteristic of humans that ostracizes other people who are different from themselves. It causes people to hide their true natures and not to be true to themselves.
Consciously choosing not to contribute to society while being blessed with more than the capabilities to do so is the failing.
ERSG : Same answers as the above.
"Failing" is your own world view.
How about I ask you to do the same thing as what you asked of me?
Work hard when you're young, be frugal, save more, invest, and when you have just enough, go and do some philanthropic work, or whatever?
No? Why? No interest? Why? Cos it's not what you want in your life?
Well... that's not what I want in my life.
Maybe this is not the first time you heard such message. Maybe every human being is different and to each his own. What I am trying to do is to give you an alternative perspective on your life, and an insight on why you feel down recently. To an objective bystander, your emotional response is no surprise at all. It is in fact an inevitable consequence of your lifestyle.
ERSG : Yep not the first time.
Bingo! You got it right at the end. It is not "maybe every human is different"... Every human IS different and there is no "ideal life". There is no perfect way of living. You live whatever way you want to live cos at the end, on your deathbed you answer only to yourself. Your regrets, your successes (or what you yourself deem are your successes). Your successes will not be my successes. What you deem to be successful will not be what I deem to be successful. What you deem to be a wasted life will not be what I deem to be a wasted life. In the end, you owe it to yourself to live a life worth living. And I owe it to myself to live a life worth living for myself.
Above you suggested things that you thought I should do, could do, based on your own perception of an "ideal life", of what you felt was successful and what life should be about, contributing to society, not wasting time, etc etc.
Similarly, I could also suggest to you a string of things that you could do so that you could "improve" your own life, based on my own world view and my definitions of success.
So in ending... I'm not offended by your email. It's not surprising. Personally, maybe 20 years ago, I might have thought of my current self differently from what I think of myself now cos my younger world view is different from my world view now. As I grew older, I learnt more about myself and I crafted a life that I felt was worthy in my own current world view, having more time with my wife, my family, friends, having time for myself to enjoy my life.
And you should do whatever you want with your life.
I'll leave you with this last point. You look at the world through your own lenses and your own personal experiences and what you feel. You build what you perceive of the world based on your own values which you were taught when you were young or learnt along the way. What you feel is worth, not worth, likes, dislikes, success, failures, etc... Based on this you come up with what you should do, and what you hope people would do, cos it's congruent with your beliefs.
But... you'll never know how someone else feels, loves, hates, how someone else feels pain, hunger, happiness, etc. How they think, what they feel is worth doing or not worth doing, what is successful or failure, how they taste, what they see, etc, at best you can use your own brain to try to understand someone else's feelings and thoughts. But in the end that is not good enough, cos we can only use our own experience to try to understand how someone else is feeling, in the end, you will NEVER be able to fully understand or feel the same way as someone else.
A rock is a rock to you but this rock could be a souvenir that some young boy received from his, now deceased, grandfather during a camping trip when he was young.
You have your own world view of your own life and how you want to live it and how you feel is worth to live it. Your email to me, is you using your own world view of your own life and putting it on top of my life and suggesting changes to "improve" my life to fit what you feel is a "good" life worth living.
And THAT... is not my life.
I've no intention to be offensive so I hope you don't take my responses poorly.
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