Over the weekend, we had a strongly worded discussion... well, not really a discussion. It was one sided.
It started when she mentioned something about a watch... I forgot the actual comment.
She has been talking about watches on and off and I thought that we had already settled that topic.
So she had the impression or desire...
That once you reach a certain level in your/her career, that the folks there would have at least a nice watch. Not too pricey. Around $2000, a Tag or Omega. And so she was like. "Oh it's about time, in this company, no one bothers about such stuff so it's ok, but if I move to a company where the folks are more into such stuff, I'd like to get a watch and a bag..."
And I was like.... "Wooaaahhh.... waaaiitttt a minute..."
The conversation went something to the extent of...
Ok I'm pretty disappointed that we're here again. I'm not against you buying stuff. I mean if you want a Tag and it's going to be the only Tag, then by all means. But I don't think that's going to be the only thing.
(Insert some grumbles and denials...)
I'm not disappointed that you wanna buy these stuff. It's normal that people like to buy new toys. I'm disappointed that you still have not understood and recognized the hedonic treadmill.
("what's the hedonic treadmill?")
You see, you never thought of buying these stuff previously. And you were fine by it. But in your old company, you started seeing folks at a certain career position wearing such stuff. So you think you need it to maintain a certain image. The thing is, it doesn't stop there.
(insert more denials, "it's really only these 2 things")
When you reach a certain position, you see the folks around you. And you want to get these stuff. Cos last time, you didn't notice it. What happens next, is that when you have it, you will think these are "nothing" and you will notice other things. Also, you will look at the next higher position and look at what THEY buy and own.
Then you'll want those too. You never wanted these stuff until you saw them. Meaning, if you never saw them, you would continue not wanting them. This also means that after you buy them, you'd observe other things and also want those too. It's never ending.
(She starts to see the light.)
You see, I'm ok with you wanting to improve or maintain your image, you're working so you need to keep some form of professionalism. So if you want to dye your hair cos it's getting obvious streaks of white strands, or if you need some nice dresses and shoes, by all means go and get them. But get good value shoes and clothes, comfortable, versatile, less than $50, etc.
So do you undertstand? It's not about you buying stuff, but that you are unaware of this upgrading thing. You wouldn't have thought about it until you have seen it, and after that, you will see more stuff and want those too. It doesn't just stop at those 2 items.
(By this time, she's already convinced. I just hope she remembers it.)
I continued. Do you think I have upgraded our food, cos I buy the sashimi from Meidi-ya?
(See post on Meidi-ya)
You now complain that scallops or uni at other places aren't good enough for you. So do you think I've unnecessarily upgraded our food?
("Yes, previously, you would not have bought such food. It is better stuff and now, I would rather not eat these items at restaurants if it is not of similar standards")
I responded, no, I have not really upgraded our food. I have merely converted it.
We have stopped going to Jap restaurants right? What are we buying there? Food, service, preparation, cleaning, etc. We spend around $40-$60?
Now, I spend the same amount but I focus the money entirely on just food and quality. Cos I can do the service and preparation myself and I'm willing to do that. So I've merely converted the money spent on service and preparation to just better food. The money we are spending now, is the same. But you think we have upgraded our food. Now, we are enjoying it more, and you are saying that I have spoilt you by introducing better food to you. But we have not really upgraded our food. We are just spending the money more efficiently.
(She starts looking at it in a more interested perspective.)
I added on... We have stopped going to Lawry's right... Even with the one for one, when we go to Lawry's, we still spend $110+. And we get 2 roast ribeye cuts, some mashed potatoes, a Yorkshire pudding, a spinning salad where the server would spin the salad and give a good show by pouring the dressing on the salad when the bowl is still spinning.
With $110 or so, I could buy 2 Angus Ribeye steaks, 2 Wagyu patties, 2 tenderloin cuts and the sashimi platter.
Fine, I can't cook as well as them... But would you rather eat 1 good meal and chai png for 3 meals, or would you rather have 4 good meals?
(It was an obvious answer.)
End of discussion...
Well... it was a good one sided discussion... I really hope she remembers it.
You see. It's not so much about buying stuff. I myself have things I want to buy which are not necessities. And I think all of us should have some toys and luxuries which we should be able to enjoy.. Rather, I think it is important for us to know and understand our own minds and the desire we all have. And that we WILL get used to good stuff when it becomes the new "normal" and we will naturally want to continue to want more, cos the old stuff isn't novel anymore.
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