You see, it's not always fun and games. Even for someone who's just chilling around like me. And some days, I do feel a bit down. Just a bit gloomy.
I woke up with a bit of sore throat. Maybe it's due to the dry weather.
The weather is turning cold, so it's a bit miserable especially in the morning.
But most of all, I feel trapped in Paris.
First of all, I'll say I'm glad to be back after the one week trip. But Paris is still not home.
I have my free food, I cook and eat quite well. My house has been paid for in SG. Rental is paid for in Paris. There's pretty much no real stress anymore.
The thing is I have this feeling that I have a lack of control of my own life.
Now, remember, this is a feeling, true or not, it's not the point. Same as financial security. Someone may have a lot of money, but still feel financially insecure.
So similarly, every once in awhile, I have a feeling that I'm trapped/stuck in Paris.
Now, Paris isn't bad. It's just not better than when I was in Singapore. So sometimes, I get this feeling that I got a downgrade. And hopefully, the upgrade that my wife is getting is overall better than the downgrade I'm feeling, so that net, together, we both have an overall upgrade. And I'm not talking about money here.
The feeling isn't logical. Most feelings aren't. And I accept it that way. It is what it is. I know that maybe after I have a warm meal or maybe tomorrow, I'll feel better. So I don't take things too hard. No point dwelling on it too much. Cos... well, it's like NS, I have to serve my 2 years, some days will be good days, some days won't be so good. So I just accept it. Maybe things would change after 1 year? Who knows...
Have you watched the show "Inside Out" by Pixar?
We are all human, feeling, happy, sad, jealous, proud, etc... is all part of being human, we can't be happy all the time, that's not normal. Whatever you see in the media, Instagram, picture perfect celebrities, etc... it's all a show, humans can't be happy all the time. There will be up days and down days, even for the richest of people, or even for the poorest of people.
And I blame it on the media and social media that creates this impression that we aren't allowed to feel sad or down. That we are losers for having bad days. Cos no one wants to show the bad days. We only like to show the good days. When we go out it's like a show to the world. Why?
Why must pictures always be smiling? Maybe I don't feel like smiling for the camera today? Is a grumpy day not a memory as well? I admit I'm a grumpy uncle most of the time. And I'm ok with it.
And well... there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a bad day, even for no good reason.
Even for the richest people, or the luckiest people.
And I think we need to recognize that.
When someone you think is doing very well in life says they are feeling sad or having a bad day... cut him some slack... don't just brush it off like... "Oh what have you got to feel sad about, you're rich. I would do anything to be in your shoes"
The thing is... he's human too.
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