How do you feel about not having kids? While having kids is not a guarantee of having someone at your deathbed, it increases the chances if you raise the kid right. In an event of being alone in an unfortunate situation , a kid can at least take care of you or execute your wishes on behalf of you. Examples of unfortunate situations are like a stroke, dementia etc. Or do you think it's all fated?
--Guest
https://earlyretirementsg.weebly.com/blog/what-am-i-living-for
So a Guest commented on one of my posts recently and I think it is an interesting question. I might have written about it previously but I think it would be good for me to add new thoughts and comments.
Personally, I think I do pretty well with kids.
And when I was younger, I wanted to have kids. But somehow, as life went on, I decided that I just didn't want them.
As I was younger, I lived life quite traditionally. I didn't think about life much. So I lived my life like anyone else. Study hard, etc etc. I expected to go to work, then get married, have kids and everything normal...
So I thought that having kids would be a normal part of my life. The usual traditional thoughts, passing on the family name, kids taking care of me when I'm older, etc etc.
As I grew older, I thought about life more, my thoughts changed and I decided that I didn't want kids.
Ok, so... what comes next is what I personally feel about kids.
As I went along with life, I started believing that I am an individual, and that people should be able to make individual choices. So, I actually hope that I don't need to take care of my parents, but due to upbringing and societal expectations, I still give my parents money, etc.
So IF I choose to have a kid, I wouldn't want my kid to have this expectation placed upon him/her. I would like the kid to live his own life and IF they want to come and visit, then come and visit me, if not, then please go ahead and live your own life.
IF I had a kid, it would be MY OWN lifestyle choice. Meaning, I made the choice to have a kid for my own "pleasure" cos maybe I feel like having the experience of having a kid and bringing the kid up.
Like skydiving. Some people feel they would like to try skydiving, others don't.
For me, I look at having kids like this. It is a lifestyle choice. A decision made by me, the parent, so that I myself will have a more complete life in my own opinion.
Since I look at having kids as my own lifestyle choice, for my own complete life experience, then I should not place any future expectations on the kid. After the kid has grown up, then I should not have any expectations that the kid will need to take care of me. Cos I have already "attained" what I wanted from the kid, which is the experience to have a kid.
Personally, I feel it is unfair to have any further expectations placed upon the child. Especially since I believe that people should be individuals who should be given the choice to decide on how they live their lives, without expectations from other people or society.
Now, of course this is my own view on having a kid. Everyone will have their own reasons for having a child so it's your own choice.
IF I ever choose to have a kid, it will be only for my own selfish desire to have another new life experience. It will be like another product or service. Like skydiving or bungee jumping. I will choose to do it just cos I want to do it cos I want to enhance MY OWN overall experience in my own life.
The child would have already "served his purpose" to give me this complete experience of having a child. But yet in my old age, I still give him another expectation, another duty, to take care of me? No, I don't think that's fair for the kid. The kid never had a choice whether they wanted to come to be born or not. It's always been due to the decision of the parent, and it would be selfish of me to continue to expect more from the child after the child grows up.
Currently, I don't feel like having this new life experience. Maybe someday I will, maybe I won't ever.
Do I like kids? Yes I do. But I don't feel the need or want to have them as a long term life experience.
Furthermore, I find that the "good days" of having kids are quite little, compared to the "tough days" of raising a kid.
As for my planning for old age and estate planning, it's still unknown. There's a good chance we'll have to check ourselves into an elderly home so that the last of us won't die rotting in the bed in our own home. There's some probability we'll set up a trust to manage our estate to support some cause we like in the future.
<<PREVIOUS POST // NEXT POST>>
Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my morning coffee pls.
You may also consider subscribing to receive the articles in your email, link in the column on the right.