It's highly related to another post which I made last time about having difficulty talking to people.
I think it's about perspectives and reality.
What is reality?
Or what is your reality?
Is your reality the same as someone else's reality?
I was talking to a friend when I was back in SG.
The thing is, in your/our own perspective, anyone could be right, or anyone could be wrong. Cos, we live in our own realities.
During the US civil war, some people felt it was ok to keep slaves, some people didn't. They fought it out and now, generally, most people feel it isn't right to keep slaves.
This has become the current dominant reality.
However, it wasn't long ago, that the dominant reality was that it was OK to keep slaves.
Similarly, I might believe that people should be allowed to live whatever way they want as long as it doesn't harm anyone. And we could debate this with multiple people for hours on end.
BUT, the dominant reality is that most of us are judged by society, the people around us, our parents, friends, etc.
What's wrong with someone retiring young? What's wrong with someone being a bum?
What's wrong with someone who wants to be LGBTQ? What's wrong with single mothers?
Absolutely nothing. They are living their own lives and won't affect you. But yet, society looks at them differently and treats them differently.
The idea that "If everyone does this.. then society will..." is stupid and flawed. Cos come on... not everyone will do this, whatever this is.
Same as, if everyone exercises, everyone would be healthier, but that's not happening anytime soon.
Or, if everyone stops smoking, then lung cancer rates would drop, but once again, people who want to smoke will continue to do so.
We could discuss how Trump doesn't deserve to be President. Even a cow would do a better job. Cos at least a cow does nothing. It can do nothing bad and the rest of the administration can do what it needs to do.
CNN, CNBC, multiple news outlets have debates, discussions on Trump and the issues. Hours and hours or discussion and debate.
So what? Trump is still President, and talking for hours doesn't change anything. That is the reality.
The other politicians in the Senate and House, who were supposed to keep the President in check aren't doing their job. That's the reality as well.
Furthermore, he has a really good chance to get reelected. It's not like his chances are low.
The thing is, what are we even talking about anymore?
If it isn't obviously apparent that Trump has issues, morally corrupt and isn't good for USA and the world, then any more discussion wouldn't help change anymore minds.
If after all he's done, someone still need convincing on why he shouldn't be President, then the problem is in that "someone".
Or I might think that climate change is real.
But the dominant reality is people don't care.
It's not even about climate change being real or not, the thing is, most people don't care. And we could once again talk about it being real or not, and so what? People still don't care.
Most people only care about their own convenience, comfort, happiness. Climate change is like... smoking. Until the patient gets lung cancer, change is probably not going to happen anytime soon.
UNLESS, politicians are willing to ban cigarettes.
Or some children may believe that their parents love them, cos that's their perspective based on past experience with their parents. But the reality could be that the parents are looking to them as a safety net in future and as an investment for their own benefit.
So what is the real reality in this case? From who's perspective should we look at?
To the child/children, they don't know anything. To them, their perceived reality is that their parents love them. Do they need to know the reality?
Or... what if someone is very happy to tutor another student for free?
Then a friend comes up and says, "Why you so stupid? The student is taking advantage of you! You should charge for your services!"
Then suddenly this person feels stupid and now has a nagging feeling of... "Should I charge for my tuition services? Am I stupid to be giving free lessons? Am I being taken advantaged of?"
What is the reality?
Maybe the student really doesn't feel anything and just doesn't mind free lessons. No ill intentions to be free loading off the tutor.
Even if the student is grateful for free lessons and not consciously taking advantage of the tutor, the friend definitely would still feel that the tutor has been short changed. Cos in his reality, services don't come for free.
Maybe at the start the tutor was ok with giving free lessons, and that was his reality, but after his friend said something, his perceived reality has changed.
Or like in Korea, where it's ok to go out with friends of the opposite sex one on one.
Where it's not a date. They could go out, eat, drink, get drunk, and it's all platonic.
But yet in other countries, it's not so simple.
Even in Singapore, it's rare. I never knew it wasn't ok to go out with a girl one on one. That girls will have additional thoughts... "is he interested in me?"
For me, I in JC/Uni, I went out with some girls, just for fun, and I never thought that it was inappropriate. Until my wife told me that that isn't really normal. Cos it's highly likely that they would misunderstand and that they would likely think that I was interested in them.
And if we look at some Middle Eastern countries, going out with someone of the opposite sex is almost impossible.
All of these are real. In their own realities.
Is there a right or wrong? Does it matter? In their own dominant realities, each country, person will work their way around it and try to live their own lives.
Or in school, there's always some feminine guy or nerdy in class who's always bullied/made fun of.
Where the dominant reality is to conform to some sort of norm in school, and it's socially unacceptable to be different.
Whereas to them, their reality is they may like studying, they maybe interested in feminine ideas, doesn't mean they are gay, maybe, maybe not.
Should they change to conform to the dominant reality? Is being ostracized worth holding on to their own realities?
So my discussion with my friend led me to think... what's there to really talk about?
The world is what it is.
People will believe what they want to believe. What is right or wrong or neutral doesn't matter.
I have my perspective, my view of what the world should be, and of course I think, "If only everyone does this, the world would be a better place."
Everyone will have their own perspective of what they want their world to be like.
Then there is the dominant reality of my country, of the people around me. What is considered socially acceptable, responsible, the right thing to say, the right way to react to people.
Why is it awkward to be silent when with someone? By right, it should be ok to be silent. But somehow socially it's weird.
Then there is the perspective of the politicians and what they view the country/world should be like.
Their actions can shape the dominant reality.
See what happened to the US due to Trump being in power. White supremacists and racists are more comfortable to show their true colours, cos it's now more socially acceptable to show it.
And some people struggle with the difference between what they feel the world should be like, vs what the dominant reality is.
Some people might feel that their parents should give them more support in their activities, or someone might feel that their careers should take off once they graduate, like what is shown on TV.
And they might get depressed when their perceived reality doesn't match up with the current dominant reality.
And as I thought more about it, I wondered... am I right? Or am I wrong?
And the answer is probably... I am right, and I am wrong.
Based on my own reality, I am right.
BUT based on the current dominant reality, I am very wrong.
Do I care? Or why should I care?
People will vote whatever politicians they like based on their own perceived reality. In some peoples' reality, they believe Trump is a good leader. And they deserve the leader they voted for, cos it's a democracy and the majority of people voted for Trump.
Same as financial planning, the people who read financial planning blogs are people who care about financial planning. They will naturally steer towards that direction. There's a good probability that they will take care of themselves. Anything that could be written has already been written, by me or someone else.
As I talked to my friend, I felt... disconnected. It's like... Living in a different world.
The idea that anything could be right, or anything could be wrong.
Or anyone could be right, or anyone could be wrong.
There is no right and no wrong.
It all depends on who's saying what to whom.
It doesn't matter whether it's real or not real, reality is what people believe of it, and that's all that matters.
And based on what people believe to be real in their own reality, people live their lives, make decisions, work, play, everything. We all do this to various extents.
And I got tired thinking around in circles, and thought... hey maybe I should stop writing. Cos I couldn't come to a conclusion. I kept thinking about things from other peoples' perspectives and I kept going around in circles, cos anything could be right or wrong depending on who's looking at it and how it's said or interpreted.
That's not to say I'm confused by my own reality. I like the way I currently live. So I'm ok with that.
But for writing, it's different. I find it hard to pen out my thoughts if I am unable to anchor on to certain fixed ideals/beliefs.
And when any ideal/belief could be real, then the conclusion changes based on the starting point.
Then I went back to read some of my past posts to think and reflect upon things and sort out my thinking.
And I get encouraged by comments like the below, or I receive messages or comments that my posts have helped them feel better about the decisions that they have made for themselves.
....By choosing your time to carefully think and share your thoughts via a blog about alternatives to a good/worthy life, you are helping me and others on their own decisions for life in a positive way. I feel better and enriched and with that. Who knows, it might result in me pursuing a different career which is also slower, enriching and empowering vocation to others?....
Comment on one of my older posts
I suppose it's like the story of the starfish.
So hopefully now that I'm back in US, and have sorted out my thoughts, and have more time on my hands I'll be able to get back to posting more regularly again.
If anyone has any interesting topic to discuss or ask about, please feel free to comment below.
It really helps to trigger thoughts which I may have already thought about, but never thought to write about.
Or maybe it's a new idea which I've never thought about, and I think it's good to explore new thoughts and ideas.
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