Cos I've been thinking... you know whenever times are down, we usually say, "Why can't I/we be like normal people..."
When in a relationship with a lot of disagreements.
Or if we don't have enough money or are not happy with work... We always want to be normal...
"Why can't I have a normal job where I can be happy?"
So let's say... what we think normal is?... Average?
Pretty much what most other people are like right? When we say we want to be normal.
Below is a normal distribution table with standard deviation taken from wikipedia.
To be truly average, we need to be right on the center line... that's likely not possible.
So what is considered normal? Or average?
So let's say we take 1 standard deviation which is the dark blue area. This group looks to be the closest to the center line. So maybe we think... normal people (in any scenario) are the 68.2% of people closest to the center line.
And when we are in a tough/unpleasant situation in life, we think we are in the lower left of the distribution. The lower 15.9%.
And we think... I want to be normal. I want to be at happy in my job, financial situation, relationship with my parents, spouse, partner, etc...
Now... does this sound reasonable?
Do you really think that most people are really happy with their jobs? 68.2% of people?
Do you really think that most people are really happy with their relationships? 68.2% of people?
Cannot be right? There's a really high probability that you're ALREADY NORMAL/AVERAGE.
When most people say they want to be normal, chances are, they likely want to be in the top 50% at least.
Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be top 50%.
Just note, that that is not normal.
You probably want to be better than normal. And everyone else also wants to be better than normal.
But statistically, it's not possible for everyone to be better than normal.
So what am I getting at?
The thing is... we never see what happens behind closed doors.
We don't know how our neighbours, friends live. We don't know much about our colleagues lives.
What CAN we see? We see their items, possessions, Facebook/Instagram pictures, see them at events, outings, when we see them, they aren't going to show us their problems. We always see the picture perfect situation.
My wife and I can quarrel in the car and when we step out and meet our friends and family, everything seems so normal. Everyone is like that. Duhz...
Sooooo... let's look at some numbers.
It's quite hard finding consistent data, cos different agencies calculate it differently, but let's take this as a reference, and seriously... it's data, means the numbers mean something, if you don't believe the data, then most things can't be done and policies can't be put in place.
So even if the data isn't 100% accurate. It's probably a fair enough estimate to a certain degree.
Basically, if you say... but that can't be true... cos based on my personal experience... then no fruitful discussion is going to take place. Cos the data is obtained from a large enough population size and from our statistics class if the population is large it's a fair enough estimate.
Whereas, your own personal experience is just 1 person, yourself.
If you think that there's something wrong with the data... cos based on your own mental perspective, you're supposed to be better off, or think that you're worse off, or whatever...
There's a higher chance that you need to change your mental perspective instead of the data that needs to be changed.
So let the numbers speak for themselves.
Meaning, most households don't own cars.
Furthermore, only 18.5% of households own big/super big cars.
To be "normal" you either don't own a car or own a small car. Seems fair enough.
They always seem to be selling like hotcakes?
Well... surprise surprise...
It's very normal to be staying in an HDB.
Which means for people comparing... you're comparing within your own top percentile.
I'm not going to divide this by 2. Cos it could be single income like my household, or dual income.
But if you single handedly make $8,000, chances are you are way above average.
This also indicates to me something... Since I personally think that an average household only needs to spend around $4k - $5k per month...
There's a lot of people who has excess money every month. Since around 35% of households earn less than $5k.
Means 65% of households earn more than $5k... so if anyone says they don't have money to live well... they are probably deluded.
Less the housing expenses, which includes utilities...
People (Households) are spending close to $4,000 on anything else, including insurance.
So if you're spending around $4,000 per month, guess what? You're normal.
If as a household you are spending only $2,000 and think you're frugal. Well done.
But if you're struggling to keep expenses under $5,000, and think you're already frugal... Well... most people are also like you. They probably also think that they are already very frugal as well.
So it's pretty normal to be single at over 55%.
What I find interesting is the divorce rate, which is around 7%...
Doesn't sound like much?
This means... every 15 friends you have, there will be 1 who will likely get a divorce.
If your department has 15 people, chances are 1 will be divorced.
Which also means, you probably already know someone who is divorced or will be divorced in future.
But you may not know of it.
Maybe the happy numbers were really low and they couldn't show it.
So based on my personal estimation... there are probably more people neutral at work than there are happy at work right? So if I take 50:50 off that neutral & happy it would not be unreasonable?
So estimated neutral = 27.5%
I would read this as... it's normal to be unhappy or neutral at work. Which is 71.5%
Being happy at work is abnormal at 27.5%.
So if you want to be happy at work, you're pretty much being unreasonable, cos it's highly unlikely to happen.
I know many people will say, I won't live til so long. I've heard that line a number of times.
So when you talk to people about planning for their old age, they deny that they will live for such a long time... well... stats are stats.
Some people may hope to die quickly earlier so that they don't have to suffer the failing body at old age, but chances are it will come and they will have to face it. So it's probably better to prepare for it, or start being healthy at a younger age.
Cos... the worst is probably... someone doesn't take care of themselves cos they hope to die earlier (I know people who would like to go by 65+ before their body fails), but in the end, they are left in poor health but still alive at 70+, cos with medical science, the doctors can preserve their lives for a lot longer than they realize.
So you see...
Most of the time, when things are bad for us, we may think, we just want a normal life, but maybe... we are already very normal. Or we might already be doing very well.
Like if you're neutral at your job, you're probably already considered to be doing very well already.
Or if your household earns $8k per month... you are considered doing very well with excess money to spend every month on anything you want. Cos you're likely spending around $5k per month.
The thing is, we are probably more normal or already above average, than we know/think... and when we compare, we always compare against
1) the people around us, if we are above average, we compare with those higher than us thinking that they are the norm. But that's flawed, there's probably a lot of people in Singapore who are in a worse off situation as you.
2) the people we see, and again, this is flawed, cos we only see the good stuff, we see that someone has bought a Lexus... well no one sees his debt. Furthermore, owning a Lexus is once again not normal.
Ok so let's conclude...
What's normal?
You are earning $4,000 as an individual, spending around $2k-$3k.
No car, or own a small car, staying in an HDB.
You're probably single and are unhappy/neutral with your work.
If you think your situation is bad, but this situation describes you.
Then you are already normal and most others are in a similar situation as you.
If you want anything more or less than this you don't want to be normal. Means you are expecting to be more than normal/above average.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be better.
But chances are, you are already better than many many other people and everyone else is probably facing similar issues as you. You just don't realize it.
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