I've been quiet recently. Basically cos I'm lazy to post.
And also there's nothing much to write about. Things have been depressing.
BUT, I think... maybe I want to force myself to make up a post maybe 4 times a week on week days, even if it's just simple thoughts and short posts.
Makes me have the discipline to keep my thoughts flowing and put my thoughts down in writing. Cos I realized that this blog is like my diary, when I go back and read posts 1 year back or 2 years back, makes me think about the person I used to be when I made that post. Or certain ideas or thoughts that I used to have and have already forgotten about.
Things have been depressing recently.
No real good news in the media and nothing much to look forward to or hope for.
For me, there's not much hope.
Here are my thoughts running through my mind recently.
I'm stuck in my apartment.
I miss my old life in Singapore. Friends family, lifestyle.
There's low chance I'll return to SG anytime soon, for holiday or permanently.
Even if there are flights out of US to SG, I doubt I'll take them, cos I'm concerned I'd potentially get COVID.
Even if I take a flight to SG, I'll be quarantined for 14 days, so going for a holiday/home trip is wasted cos I spend my time stuck in a room.
I think maybe the earliest time I can consider returning to SG for home visit may be in Sep or later?
Also, my thoughts are, most likely COVID will be here to stay, so even if I fly back to SG later in this year, I'll still run the risk of getting it in the plane. Better be mentally prepared.
US is reopening. Even though cases aren't getting any less.
By right it's ok to go out and walk around. But I tend to avoid it.
I can't/don't want to move around much over here. Maybe it's just me feeling self conscious as an Asian.
Or maybe I'm paranoid. Cos I don't want to suay suay kena COVID, cos I don't know how their healthcare system will treat me as a foreigner.
Also... potential racism as I mentioned in my previous post.
As I said, maybe I'm just being paranoid.
Markets have been erratic.
US jobless rate is 15% but markets are recovering.
I'm still waiting. But I'm getting impatient and FOMO.
Fear, doubts, did I miss the boat?
Bad news in the media but markets react differently.
No good news from this angle.
US politics is sad to read about.
It's a mess, also no good news at that level.
It's disgusting and messy and corrupt and full of SH!T.
Money is the new "dictatorship". As long as you have money you can do anything.
Maybe it's always been this way just that I don't read about it enough or it's not so open such that everyone can see it happening.
Maybe it's just cabin fever and I'm just getting easily depressed.
The thing that keeps me happy these days is food.
I try to eat some chocolates everyday. I stocked up on kit-kat.
I didn't buy enough potato chips. I finished them already. Should have bought more. Maybe I'll go buy more in a couple of week's time.
It's these snacks that keep my mood up.
Sometimes I pop a frozen pizza into the oven, or a have an instant noodle day.
These changes in food are what makes things a bit better.
I don't go out and buy stuff cos... same thing, don't know the hygiene levels of eateries.
Really, in the US, things are really cowboy, they can tell you that they have face mask, take all the precautions, etc... but that's just marketing. On the ground level anything goes, what happens behind the scenes could be anything. I really don't trust how Americans do business.
So I do miss eating out, or eating food that's prepared by someone else, like fried chicken or fast food, etc.
Things aren't as nice as what retirement should be. It's not the same.
I mean... previously when I did "nothing" on a daily basis. I still had the option of strolling around the supermarket without feeling self conscious, going to the gun range to do some shooting, just hanging downstairs by the lobby and chatting with the apartment staff.
I think the situation in SG... it's different. The cases everyday aren't a lot, except for foreign workers.
I think before CB, many people still went out. And most likely after CB, people will go out and lead maybe a 70% similar lifestyle as before.
Maybe in SG, I'd not feel self conscious, the fear that maybe someone will come and look for trouble as I'm out at the supermarket, just cos I'm Asian.
Based on reports in SG, the thing is... community spread really isn't a lot, around 10 a day? That's hardly anything. It really is like people getting any other kind of infectious disease.
Hopefully, in the coming days/weeks, there will be more things for me to look forward to.
Cos recently, things are just looking down for me over here. And I'm reallly quite sian about the situation.
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