Mindset changes throughout the years

21/3/2018

So SGRetailTrader suggested I do a post on my mindset changes throughout the years.

It may be interesting if you could document how your personal philosophy has evolved through the years, i.e. from ten years back leading up to now.

So I was thinking... hmm... pretty interesting suggestion. How should I go about doing it without having to go through my whole life story?
It would need to be pretty bite sized and easily understandable and readers should easily be able to see the changes through my 35 years of life.

So I thought... Ok I'll group the periods of my life where things were about the same...

Schooling years up to 18 years old JC
NS 19-20
Uni days 21-23 : Clearing the usual hurdles
These days were simple. I didn't think much about life. Life was pretty much planned for me. I lived a textbook life. I was pretty ok with studying so I knew I was going to go through Uni. So one step at a time. I just kept looking at the next benchmark, PSLE, 'O' Levels, 'A' Levels, NS, Uni. So I never thought about what life was about just clear the next hurdle.
Simple right? Just study, exam, break, study, exam, break.

I had this impression that life would work itself out. There would be next steps ready to take and other natural obstacles to clear. It's like... it's so normal to clear each of these obstacles. Everyone does them right. So just keep going.
I was sure that after Uni, I would get a good job, feel happy with the pay and continue working like everyone else. Maybe have kids and all that.

Early working years 24-26 : Is this all there is to life?
And so I got a nice cushy job, relatively high pay for my age and I was happy for a short while.
Life became a routine and then I started thinking... but... there's nothing left here...
There's no next hurdle. I know that I could just farm this role for the years til I'm old. I would get promoted and everything.
At this point, I was thinking, there's really nothing left to do. No next checkpoint.
I was pretty confused. Did this mean that life is just about work, home, work, home?
Same as studying? But different thing?
I had time to play and go holidays but... the main bulk of my time is 70% on work and 30% home?
That's what life is supposed to be?!?! HUH!?!?!

I felt that I was missing something. Maybe I needed more adventure and maybe a new job. Try something new. You know... like those businessmen, so successful, rich, seems like their life is so exciting...
So I thought, ok, I'll quit my job and explore a bit...

First jobless break 27-28 : Life goes on even without a job
And so I did... I quit my job without any plans. I thought that things would work out...
People thought I was mad, dropping a nice job, good pay, absolutely ridiculous.
People wondered what I would be eating, that I would be poor soon.
But you know what... the world didn't come to an end. Life went on as normal. How much money do you really need to eat. I was already frugal at a very young age so I had sufficient savings by this time.
I played video games, exercised, enjoyed my rest time...

And somewhere in between this time, I thought, ok, I need to do something, so I got involved with selling property at ERA and insurance at Prudential...
Fine fine. I'm not a good sales person. I don't like to sweet talk people to say nice things for them to hear. I'm pretty much a direct person so I don't really like to sugar coat stuff...
Obviously I didn't do well in the sales jobs.

So I though ok... I don't really have enough money to keep playing all the time. BUT... I learnt something...
That the world keeps turning. Losing my job doesn't mean anything. Also, I actually like playing around with my life, I like enjoying my life play video games, rest, relax, that's how life should be.
I'm happy living frugally but I want to enjoy my life.
I got involved in shares at an early age, 16 years old, and I studied finance in Uni so I pretty much knew how this was going to work... So I thought... heck... All I need to do is save around $500k and live on 5% dividends. That's about it right?
Then I can play video games all day and relax and enjoy my life.

So... time to go back to work... but now... I know why I'm doing it.

Second working years 29-32 : The quest for money
And somewhere in between my job search, one of my old bosses asks me to go back to the same company cos they had a position...
Wow... back to a cushy job with fairly good pay.
I got all my spreadsheets ready and tracked how much I needed to save and by when and how many years I would take to reach my goal... It was supposed to be 38-40 years old.

And for the next few years I worked... but somewhere down the line, I forgot what it was like to have fun. What I was working for. I was just back to the daily routine after 2 years. And I had the "what the hell" feeling again... It's very easy to lose sight of the goal when you're immersed in the moment. When things are nice and cushy and you think nothing can go wrong.

So I thought, ok, I want a transfer, so I transferred to another department. And this new department was absolutely toxic. And I pretty much regretted it.
I don't really regret leaving the other department, cos I really wanted to move to this new department for a few years already.
But never did I expect this department to function this way... I didn't last long, not cos I couldn't do the work, but the politics and "BS" was just ridiculous. It was absolutely horrible. It's not even a routine job anymore.
There's a difference between a toxic working environment and a boring routine job... I left a boring routine job to transfer to a messed up place...

And then I thought... ok fine... what the hell... I've done this before. Now I have more money than the last time. If I'm not happy, I'll just quit. I can cruise around for a little while enjoy myself for a couple of years like last time and find some simple work again.

Second jobless break (part 1) 33-34 : The search for purpose
So here comes the 2nd job break. And I was once again enjoying myself.
Since it's the second time, I didn't feel as much pressure as the first time. It's like one of those things.
The fear of the unknown. When I first left my job, I was just like everyone else, wondering, what am I going to do with my life, the world will come to an end...
But now... I've done this before right... so chill... relax... life goes on. The sun continues to rise and I am still alive and I just need to find food and enjoy life... isn't that what life should be about???

But this time, I was confused once again. Strange?
You see, at this point, I had more money. More savings. So I could last a lot longer. And I was thinking, ok... there must be a purpose. I want to do more. I want to earn some more money. I can't be not working forever right? And now I have the time to slowly explore, so I was quite stressed in some sense to want to gt something done. To embark on the next phase... but what?

So there was this game I was working on which didn't work out, and I even applied for some jobs again cos I was thinking, heck just farm another 3-4 more years and I'll stock up more savings, then take a break and see how, and maybe farm another few more years after that and then I'd likely be safely financially free.

For a while I was somewhat stressed in a sense. Like I wasn't really contributing to the household.
Although helping out with the household chores, admin, cooking, cleaning, etc... All these are actually my contribution. If I didn't do it, that would mean we would have less time on weekends. Likely spend more on food and going out. So in a sense, I could say that I'm in-sourcing. Instead of working and hiring a helper, I AM the helper.
But psychologically, it doesn't work that way, we live in a money society. So I was always thinking about my contribution to the household in a more financial manner. Instead of how much I saved, I always thought about things as, how much I did not earn.

And really I thought that I would be stuck in that psychological lock for a long time... Until...

Second jobless break (part 2) 35-now : Letting it all go
I encountered freeganism... Ok. So for those who know, I started this sometime end of last year, I think around November.
I got into the grove of things and found a community of freegans. The thing is, this whole idea and mentality allowed me to realize, that there is no meaning in life. Some people work to earn money, some people consume the excess of others. Heck, some of the stuff we pick up from the void deck or dumpsters are better than the stuff I own.
That's when I really let go of things. Why did I work for? If I could already pay off my house, what else is there? Yes there's insurance and stuff. But how much more is there?
Food? Some household stuff... how much can I spend? I'm naturally frugal.
And when food is free and stuff is also free... That's when I felt, there's really nothing left to do, and more importantly, that it's ok that there's nothing left to do.

I'm a realist, some people will say, if everyone does this... blah blah.
Come on, we all know that consumerism isn't going to stop any time soon, it's going to be a long term thing. So living off the excess of society... why not?
If I have 100 friends and I live off 1% of their excess, I get a full 100% of my needs.
If I have 25 friends and I live off 4% of their excess, I also get all of my needs.
I'm not asking someone to pay for my food and clothes. But I'm sure all of us has gotten a shirt which we don't use and it stays in the storeroom or drawer and just doesn't get used at all, maybe we don't like how it feels. And eventually, we find some excuse to throw it away... that is the excess of society, and I'm happy to live off the excess. If someone buys me lunch or dinner, then that just defeats the point.
That's why the community is so important. All of us get stuff in various ways. Some pick from void decks, some get from other friends, some dumpster dive, others get food, some folks get stuff.
And they all give freely. It's not a trade.
Cos it's the understanding that, you want, you come and take. I don't need it. Someday, when I need something, I will take from the community when I need something. That's all.

Maybe it's cos I managed to join a very generous community. Now, make no mistake, it's not something that anyone can just go in and think that they community is going to work for them. It's like a friend, you don't just go in and hope to be best friends. It takes effort, the more you give in terms of time, effort, help, talking to people, communication, giving stuff, taking stuff, etc... Then you get back the same things from the community. If you go in thinking, ok I'm going to farm this community, just take things when I need, else I'll keep quiet. You're likely going to fail.
So maybe it's also cos I have a community that supports me as much as I support them. That I managed to have more confidence is reducing expenses and living freely.

So what does this all mean... well, it really is about letting go of all the stuff that I've learnt throughout the years.
When you keep a pet dog, you will cry for the dog when it dies. Why? The dog didn't do anything in terms of money, you fed the dog, took it to the doctor, maybe the dog bit you... etc...
But the thing is... the dog is just a part of you and your family. And I've become more in tune with that idea to be myself for family. That's not to mean I should be a liability to them. But rather, for my own household, I bring back food, cook, maintain the relationship with the freegan community, etc...
And both my wife and I are happy with this arrangement.
And of course our goals are sufficiently aligned. Now if she wants more, luxurious travel, high class food, then that's a different matter.
There's nothing wrong with atas food, luxury bags, that's just not our life that we have chosen to live, and we're both ok with that.

Closing up...

So I think it's pretty interesting how my life has panned out. I wasn't far from a normal consumer when I started out. But as things progressed, and I learnt more about myself and my own values, I decided to take certain paths in life which resulted in where I am. Now all of us are different, so there's no right or wrong.

I think I learnt a lot about life in general when I left my job both times, the idea that the world just keeps turning, it sounds like such a simple idea and everyone should know it, but it's not as simple as just knowing that the Sun will rise again tomorrow.
One's job really isn't everything, although more often than not, it is seen as such an important thing that one shouldn't be without it.

And as I lived a more carefree life, I further realized that... life is really about enjoying it, as life should be, 80 years to enjoy ourselves. It's like you put a child in a playground for 2 hours, he's going to play for 2 hours, he isn't going to spend 1 hour working and 1 hour playing. And when you play with friends, it's even more fun. Playing at the playground alone is kinda boring sometimes.
So we are all here for 80 years, spend it with the people who make it fun, enjoy yourself. That's how I'm trying to structure my life now.

Of course we can't deny the money part... but that's a different story, one can choose to consume more, desire more... then that's just the trade off with the years of enjoyment.
Once again, I don't deny that there are people who just NEED to work. They are just tuned to working, if they don't work, they will go crazy. Everyone has different mental states and whether they can let go of the other things in life and fill life with other stuff. Some folks just need work. Others enjoy work. And yet... there are those who are absolutely fine with doing "nothing" at all...

And who cares how each of us plays at the playground?
We only answer to ourselves, it's our 80 years... we can choose to do whatever we want with it.

(I think this is a very interesting summary and capture of my thoughts, I will continue to update things as life goes along, it has been added as a link on the top right of this page, I will notify again IF/WHEN I update this.)

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18 Comments

Author

Male, born in 1982.
INTP
Graduated with a degree majoring in Banking & Finance, Financial Adviser for a period of time resulting in in-depth knowledge of insurance products and marketing techniques of the industry.

Inspired by MMM and ERE.

Decided to embark on a mission to retire early in Singapore, a place where such an idea is considered impossible. As I believe that life has a lot more to offer instead of just a working career. I've decided to start a blog to note down my journey to achieve this mission and help others along the way who are willing to listen and try doing things differently from everyone else.

I have decided to remain anonymous until I finally am able to actually retire, reason being that this idea might not gel well with the company which I am working for currently and also to avoid real life flaming from people who say that such ideas are impossible and that an individual is lazy for choosing early retirement instead of contributing to society in the form of labour.

More about me.

Kate

21/3/2018 11:30:19 pm

That was an interesting summary of your life/experience and thank you for sharing. Just curious at this point of life that you are in now, do you foresee yourself just taking a sabbatical from work? or perhaps ready to ease into a full time retirement mode?

ERSG link

22/3/2018 09:43:16 am

Hi Kate,
In truth, I have no idea. I would hate to go back into full time employment though.
I pretty much am taking things as they come along, whatever I think is fun and worthy to try out.
I think the first thing I was really involved in was freegan stuff. But that has settled down.
But what's next? I don't know... I'll take it as it comes along. It might be some income generating activity... so.... ???

22/3/2018 09:18:36 am

Thanks for sharing your experiences, I really enjoy reading them.

I am also a fan of living frugally for early retirement. Currently I am in a situation where I can afford to quit my job if we don't have kids but can't if we have kids. So I'm wondering if you factored in the costs of having kid(s) when you quit your job with the savings you have? Thanks.

22/3/2018 09:47:29 am

Hi C,
Hmm... We didn't factor in the cost cos we aren't really planning on having kids. As in the plan is not to have kids.

We did agree though, that if we do have kids, one of us will leave their job cos we don't believe in outsourcing the raising of kids... well, that's going to be me.
So in reality, there's likely not going to be any change if kids come along...
I do believe that kids aren't as expensive as what people think it is. Many stuff are good to have. There should be an uptick in expense, but I don't think it will be too significant.
But... I'm no parent so... don't listen to me. hahaha

22/3/2018 10:26:50 am

Hi ERSG,

Really enjoyed reading this article! The part about being yourself in the family, i think it is so true, and as one grows up, they learn more about themselves, what kind of person they are and hence become more comfortable with the decisions they make, rather then in the past whereby they are probably forced to make certain decisions they might not like due to certain social norm.

Not sure if you shared before, but because i myself am going through this phase in life whereby i learn more about myself and it is not really in-line with whatever culture i grew up with. So there is a struggle to break free from that group. How do you overcome those thoughts? For example, like there is this part whereby i feel like i am a nice person and it is not nice to just walk away from this whole thing(they are really a group of nice people), yet i really dont enjoy it when i hang out with them, or do the activities they do. It is just not in my DNA to enjoy the large groups cause i feel to me it is like "superficial socialising", probably they do enjoy because they see it differently. I respect the things they do, but it really isnt me. I always struggle with the thought of having to regret the decision i make years later. (What if 5 years down the road, i realize it was a mistake?)

Ben

23/3/2018 06:59:54 am

Hi ERSG,

Tbh, I have been working since 2000. I am contemplating to leave the corporate world for good, in May 2018. You are right to indicate that we have about 80 years plus on Earth. Life is meant for enjoyment. The thing that holds me back, is whether I have sufficient savings to last me and my family of 3 for the rest of the entire life. Your posts are intriguing and will be treated as reference in my decision making. Thks.

Ben

23/3/2018 11:06:10 am

Have been reading up this blog lately and likely will continue as ERSG has provided another line of thoughts and practices which I liked very much

80 years to play and how to make this play sustainable with your life partner/s

23/3/2018 12:19:09 pm

Hi JC,
Thanks for reading and your kind words.

24/3/2018 11:27:09 am

Hi ERSG,

I understand that such lifestyle which you have chosen for yourself, is less walked path for most in Singapore. I prefer such lifestyle myself whilst the people around me, frown on such lifestyle.

It will be more difficult to find a life partner with the same mindset. Grateful if you could share on whether your wife is in line with your preferred lifestyle. If not, how did you manage to convince her to accept your preferred frugal lifestyle without full-time employment?

Ben

Cheryl

24/3/2018 01:19:44 pm

Hi ERSG,

Thanks for breaking your life down into the few stages. I admire your courage in quitting without a job. As of now, I think it is very scary for myself to do that. Perhaps I have not reached my financial target yet though I would like to think that I am quite comfortable. My financial target goalpost seems to be moved further and further away by myself mainly and also by some situations which I foresee myself going into. In Singapore, we live in a lot of insecurity about money and I myself (though I do not have much wants), just want to accumulate a more than comfortable nest before I have the courage to quit.

However, I also believe that there are really people who derive passion from their job. They wouldn't quit from it.

Regards,

24/3/2018 01:44:08 pm

Hi Cheryl,

I think that you may have increased your expenses by increasing more wants which you presumed to be needs. As such, you may want to review these aspects in totality. Life can be that simple. What do we need to sustain a simple lifestyle?

In my prespective, one need the following:

1) A housing which shelters one from the elements of weather.
2) Three meals.

To some, one might assume that housing might be a major cost. Actually, there is no need for a big place to live in. A two or three room flat is sufficient for one. The cost of the housing can be further reduced by opting for places like CCK, Woodlands etc which are away from the outskirt of the city. One can go for simple hawker fare for the meals consumption. There are a lot of free hobbies in which one can opt for. I like reading but I don't buy books. The books take up a lot of space in my humble abode. I opt to borrow books from the library which are entirely free as I always make it a point to return the books on time. I like exercising. I go for runs at the nearby park connectors. Once again such hobby is also free. Of course, I will take into account of the footwears which are used in these activities. I go for the normal priced footwears. I also keep the footwears to the minimum. One pair of business shoe for daily work. one pair of sandal for the neighourhood errand, one pair of canvas shoes for the occasional meet-up with close friends and lastly one pair of running shoes for exercise. That's all. It's that simple.

The message which I will like to state, is "Keep it simple. Adopt a Minimalist Lifestyle". You may feel that this might not be a cup of tea.

My two cents of opinions.

Ben

24/3/2018 02:12:57 pm

Hi Ben,

Actually no, I have kept my household expenses YoY lower in fact. The two expenses which are increasing are taxes and insurance which we need to support for our parents' insurance as well. I do agree with your tips given. There are many things which we could get from the environment for 'free' (in inverted because we do contribute taxes) like the parks and library.

As to my first reply, I find it hard to quit without a job as of now because I don't think that I am at the right age to do it yet. I think from age 20-30 we build our careers, and then from 30-40, we should extract the most financial benefits from the job. As I am not yet 40, I believe there are still a lot of monetary benefits I can extract from my job. Also, I believe I will feel unbalanced right now if I were to go without a job or downgrade my job as I will end up comparing myself with my peers who are doing well. (I come from a fast paced industry so it is very competitive and a lot of comparison involved). So until 40, it is still many years of slogging it through. It is combination of financial pressure, societal norms, and insecurity from within. I would prefer to build a more than sufficient financial buffer. And considering that when kids come into the picture in the future.

24/3/2018 03:14:03 pm

Hi Cheryl.

I am not sure whether my below views will displease you. This is my frank view. Take it as a pinch of salt.

To be honest, I also have the similar mindset a few years back. Since then, I started to let it go and let my nature of preferred choice decide for me.

First of all, it is the peer pressure. I previously cared for my friends/colleagues' criticisms and views. Most of my friends and colleagues are married with kids. They have big houses like condo, bungalows, executive condominiums, maid, luxurious cars. I only have a three room resale room flat which cost me about $300,000 which is fully paid. They urged me to upgrade my lifestyle which should be in line with my current occupation in banking sector. I acknowledge their views and decide not to do so as it does not fit into my philospohy of life. I previously highlighted my view of simple lifestyle to them once. They immediately shot down this view and termed such lifestyle meant for useless bum. I do not elaborate more on this detail.

I do pay for my parents' insurances. They do not cost much as they only have Medishield Life.

As for work, I take it easy and know that I can quit if the situation is getting unbearable. I have no debt and such circumstance makes it easy for me to call it a day anytime in my job. My colleagues have been passing remarks and criticisms on my simple lifestyle (based on their views) and I just acknowledge them and do not make any further comments on their views. What can they do if I maintain the status quo. They can't be forcing me to shaft all these things over me if I refuse to do so, right. I do things which I feel which is right for me.

I am still single. I do not rule the possibility of having a life partner. It is likely that my life partner will share the same mindset as me if the right one appears. Kids are also possibilities. I do not believe that there will be big costs incurred for raising kids. I will still maintain the simple lifestyle. Of course, I am not married yet and of course have no kid. This does not qualify for such comments. It's all in the preferences.

The above are my humble views. Take it as a pinch of salt. You can disregard it if you are not comfortable with it.

To each of its own.

I wish you all the best in your life and career. Life is short and enjoy it to the fullest. We only live once.

Ben

Simpson

13/4/2018 09:58:11 pm

I agree with Ben's view.

You are not answerable to your colleagues or whoever friends, or even heck relatives for your own actions and in terms of lifestyle . The only answerable is yourself and maybe your parents.

Let's ask a question honestly, how many of friends who urged you to upgrade your monetary lifestyle would help you when you face issues?

Lee

30/5/2018 09:49:51 am

Hi ERSG, thanks for the summary, i find myself very similar to u in thinking, im somewhat frugal but i do enjoy certain hobbies such as travelling and cycling that takes up abit of my monies.
Excellent sharing and summary, mind sharing the freegan community that u are involved in? Would like to explore further.

Thanks!

ERSG

30/5/2018 09:53:29 am

Hi Lee.
You can join "freegan in Singapore "
Facebook page and join the chatgroups found in the announcements.
Most of the action is found only in the chatgroups.

I've left the Facebook group but I'm still active in a bunch of the chatgroups.

Twister

26/6/2018 10:33:45 pm

I have been living the typical SG textbook lifestyle, up until I blacked out, collapsed during an overseas work trip.

Took a three month no pay leave, chilled a lot, did some thinking, and I feel fine now.

The challenge now is how I can show my two grown up kids, that they really don't need to have so many superficial things to enjoy their lives.

peter

10/1/2019 11:39:21 pm

wow. retired after 7 years of cumulative work period. did you strike lottery or toto?
no need to pay for uni loan, wedding and house?
simply amazing.

Mindset changes throughout the years

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