Everyone builds their image of the world through their own experiences and thoughts.
And everyone comes to their own conclusion.
I like my coffee black, and without sugar.
It doesn't mean that no one else should drink coffee with sugar.
It's just my preference. And I don't force you to drink sugarless coffee.
I've tried sugared coffee and coffee with milk. I've come to like black sugarless coffee better.
I don't think anyone cares about which drink I prefer.
Many times, I come across people, who tend to frown upon my lifestyle.
Relaxing, not doing much in their eyes. I stay at home a lot, posting, chores, prepping the food, cooking, cleaning the place.
And I do get comments. Lazy, useless, not ambitious, etc...
Why? No one comments about my choice of coffee. So why do people care about how I live my life?
I've come to believe that people comment about me... cos it's an indication of how they see the world.
Basically, they think that a person who doesn't work is lazy, useless, not successful.
So in order to NOT be such a person, they do... whatever... they work, try to be rich, try to climb the corporate ladder... whatever.
And that's their choice. I don't really care.
If people tell me that coffee without sugar tastes terrible and it sucks. It doesn't make me enjoy sugared coffee any more. I will continue to drink my sugarless black coffee.
Now, let's flip it around. I think that being retired is successful.
And last time, I would bother to debate with others about it... now... heck, it's not worth my time.
Usually, there would be no conclusion to the debate.
I would continue to think that being retired is successful, and the other party would think that I am lazy and not successful.
And usually, things get pretty heated. Cos... USUALLY, definitions are fixed.
Which means, IF I'm right, then he's not successful. If he's right then I'm not successful.
But I think that a lot of readers of this blog know that that's just BS.
The definition of success is around the same as what you think is nice coffee, or what you think is the best type of durian.
Basically, everyone enjoys coffee their own way. Some people don't drink coffee.
Some people like mau shan wang, some like red prawn, etc.
And there's no right or wrong way to define success.
And yet, so many times, many people are fixated on definitions cos... they want to fall within a certain definition, or rather they may want to fall within their own definition, else their whole mental image of the world would crumble.
Why is there religious violence? Throughout history, many different religions have shown instances of violent behaviour. Cos one party thinks that their religion is the only true religion. If another religion is to be accepted, that would mean that there is someone right and someone wrong, cos in the world of religion, there can only be one true religion.
In Singapore, we are fortunate. Religion is like coffee, many of us enjoy it the way we want, and no one else tries to force their views on us.
But this might not be the case for other countries. Some countries break out in violence cos, a challenge to a religion is a challenge to how they have perceived the world to be and all their beliefs. By admitting another religion is tantamount to themselves admitting that they have been wrong their whole lives.
Very much like a definition of success... of what is a successful person? Or what is considered a retired person? Or who can call themselves a minimalist?
Does it really matter?
I drink my own black coffee, you can have your teh-ping. I don't disturb you. You don't disturb me.
I think many times, we all look at the world through rose tinted glasses. Myself included. We frown on certain behaviour, are more accepting to other things which are closer to what we believe in, etc. Like sometimes, I wonder why XYZ bought a new car. His old one was still working well. But I try to quickly correct myself, "If it makes him happy, then so be it." His spending doesn't affect me.
Isn't this the same as body shaming? If someone is fat, does it impact you? If someone is anorexic is that important? You can have your own beliefs and body ideals and others can have theirs. Once again, it doesn't affect you.
So I do think that all of us... we look through the world through our own choice of lenses. And it's pretty natural to frown a bit when others don't have the same mental picture of the world as you. I'm not only talking about spending, rather, about everything. Like how a friend treats his wife, how he raises his kids, how the neighbour spends and buys unnecessary toys, etc.
And we often wonder... "why like that ar... why he so like that... why they... aiyoooo... tsk!!!"
But I think, personally, to become a better person, is for me to actually, recognize these thoughts, be aware of them, and also to recognize that these thoughts are wrong and unnecessary.
Everyone lives their own lives. They build their own lives and relationships their own way. They have their own values. It is not my problem. They can drink coffee whatever way they want. Similarly, I should not have any sort of "frowning" if they choose to upgrade their car, or choose to pack their kids with enrichment classes on weekends.
Personally, I want to reach the point where I do not "frown" and then correct myself.
Now, I may still... "Aiyoo, they don't earn much, they shouldn't be..." then I will quickly tell myself it's not my problem.
I would like to train myself to the point where it's like drinking coffee.
If he orders a teh-ping, I wouldn't feel anything. Cos drinking coffee, or tea or Coke, has absolutely no impact on my life. Same as how he wants to spend his money or live his life, or how he wants to raise his kids, etc etc.
Doesn't affect me, and he can enjoy his life in his own way. I don't even want my mind to form an opinion of whatever action he takes.
This is my own personal cultivation.
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Did you like this post? If so, could you "blanjah" me 1/4 cup of my black coffee without sugar pls.
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