This is one of the things that struck me very strongly. 
Cos I remembered a speech by LKY during the Changi Airport Strike.

It is worth to look at where we were, how far we have come and where we are probably heading.

And I think of the nonsense that SMRT is facing... I think it's a sad direction.

Unfortunately, in the speech, LKY's last words were "As long as I'm in charge...."

I think the problem with the Government these days is... I think, they kinda are patting each other on the back. And patting themselves on the back. 


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So now I've thrown in a new word along with all the other painful words to define...

So many words... Yet no proper definitions.
Retirement, Semi retirement, Minimalism, Now Freegan.

All these words will come along with... Lazy, trash collector, no ambition... etc etc...
It's going to be such a pain...

From Retirement, Semi retirement...
Surely people will say...
He's not retired. He's living off his wife. He's too young to be retired. He still works part time. What an unsuccessful person...

And from Minimalism...
People will say...
Spends more than $XXXX per month, or owns more than 100 items, he's not a minimalist. 

And now, the new term... Freegan
And comments will come...
Dumpster diver, eating other people's left overs, free loader, etc...

Somehow, people like hard definitions. Yes or no... there's little in between. And sometimes it gets... exasperating explaining all these. 
And I've come to accept... that some people will get it... and some people won't... Some people might be new readers and in the future, they won't look through my old posts and find today's post. And so they will undoubtedly, jump to conclusions again... and cannot be I every few weeks/months, come up with a post or disclaimer to write what I did not say. 

For example... I like drinking coffee. Doesn't mean I don't drink tea. I like coffee. That is a statement. It is not possible to infer that I don't drink tea from that statement. 

I avoid weddings... doesn't mean I don't go to weddings. I avoid weddings cos, most of the time I'm called in as a filler and I don't want to pack a red packet for someone who treats me as a filler.
(A filler is someone who isn't on the main friend list of the person, but is invited cos the couple needs to invite sufficient people to make up the tables. If you don't contact the person at least once a year and they invite you, you're LIKELY  a filler. <= even this I need to put disclaimer... LIKELY. Not 100% you are a filler. You may have extremely close friends whom you don't contact at least once a year. )

So for me... I'd like to associate myself with the words...
Semi retirement... But now, I rather just use, self employed or unemployed. It's soooo much easier to explain. 

I'd like to call myself a minimalist. I have little desires. My home is packed neatly. I have a lot of stuff. But I know that they are unnecessary, many of them are spare stuff which are used for replacement or they are memories. They are packed nicely in a drawer. It does not clutter up my life. When my clothes are worn out, I will take one out from the drawer to replace it. I do not think about it or chase material wants. 
For people who are minimalist, they understand what it's about. It's not about how much you spend or how many items you own. Rather, it's about decluttering your life. (Please go read up more about it first.) The idea is not let clutter stress you out. This could be in the form of material things, or mental things. 
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It is easier done with less material stuff, but that's not the entire idea of it. 

Many thanks to Tina who recommended this video.

They aren't the ones who created or started minimalism. They just live it.
At no point in their video did they mention about how much is spent or how much stuff they still have. 
The idea is pretty much decluttering their lives and removing unnecessary stress which doesn't give them much happiness. 
I take it to mean that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with having an expensive hobby as long as it gives the individual sufficient happiness with no stress. Meaning... It's fine to buy a Ferrari. If the person earns enough money, they are ok with the loan, it makes them super happy and there is no stress for owning the toy. 
Why? What's wrong? Rich people have rich people version of minimalist, commoners have commoners level of minimalist what. 

Anyway, back to topic... I also want to incorporate freegan-ism into my life. Doesn't mean I'll make dumpster diving a habit or hobby, I'd likely give it a try someday, see if it works out, then decide from there. But rather, I have always been on the lookout for freebies. But now, I realize there's a whole community of these folks. And they share their freebies and they have organized ways to make these freebies more readily available. Now of course this is a community. It's not a trading post. So I have stuff which I don't know what I'm going to do with, I'll likely be giving some of my stuff away as well. I wanted to sell them, but I realized that it wastes time. I could just give it away, and make someone else happy, they in turn would also contribute to the community and someone might be giving away something that I want for myself. Or they may share a lobang to get free stuff... Freegan living doesn't naturally equate to dumpster diving. The idea is just... making a point to get some/all stuff for free. If you can get it for free, why pay for it. 

​So you see.... all these stuff aren't mutually exclusive...
Someone could be retired but financially NOT independent. Happens very often to many of the old folks in Singapore. 
Someone could be financially independent but still working. 
Or a minimalist and still working. Or a freegan and still working. Or a minimalist and a freegan. Or a millionaire, minimalist, freegan. Or a freegan dumpster diver who runs a business selling dumpster dived 2nd hand products. 

Many many different combinations. It's like in school... last time we studied, physics, chemistry, biology, geography, literature, maths, A maths, etc etc... Doesn't mean study one thing means will naturally be poor in another subject. 

Like I always say in this blog... keep an open mind and be open to many different perspectives. If you like the idea, you can find ways to incorporate some parts of it into your life. If you don't like it, nvm, just forget it, but what you think might be a bad idea might be considered a good idea for others. And also remember... it's not always black or white, there are many shades of grey. Different levels of retirement, different levels of minimalism and different types of freegans.


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So a couple of us had some trouble when we were doing a freeegan activity yesterday. I won't elabourate too much on what happened. So let's just say that while we were doing Activity X, we ran into some trouble.

So first thing that ran through my head... "Man! If it's so troublesome, then I might as well not do this Activity X. There are other avenues to get free stuff."

Then my mentality quickly split into two trains of thought. 

1) It is valid that I exclude Activity X. Cos it's troublesome with unknown returns. There are many other ways to get free stuff and removing one troublesome activity isn't a problem. Why stress myself over this.
Ok this way of thinking is valid. Absolutely nothing wrong with deciding on this path...

2) My other train of thought is that... this is like buying stuff from Taobao. We had a bad incident. Does that mean that every time we do Activity X, we will have such incidences? When we buy stuff from Taobao, sometimes the item is good, sometimes it is bad, but does it mean once we get a bad incident, we stop using Taobao or other online merchants? No right? Usually we take it in our stride and move on, cos we know that online purchases are still cheaper in the long run. 
But... once again, this may or may not be the right decision. Some people really may stop using Taobao after one bad incident. They may find it less stressful to just buy stuff from retail even though it is more expensive. 

So my mind came to a conclusion. That to each their own. Some people would think that Activity X is not worth the trouble. Others would think... hey, let's try again, this doesn't always happen. And obviously, there's no right or wrong with it. 
If someone gets a phobia of eating chicken, cos it caused them to fall ill, cos they ate some bad chicken, and they decide never to eat chicken again... that's all fine. Cos they can eat pork, beef, fish, etc.
OR they could just forget it and eat chicken again... no big deal.

I was thinking... this thing about freeganism... it's really about finding the efficient path that works for yourself... different people approach it differently, for different purposes. 
Some are there to save vegetables and fruits which are thrown away after the day ends by shops. They feel it's such a waste. And it truly is a waste. 
Others want to find free stuff in dumpsters. They can find flat screen TVs, old iphones, watches, etc. 
And some just want freebies as long as it's an easy grab. So they wait for a post within the community and if they want the item, they raise their hands and go and collect it. 

So no right no wrong, it's just now each one wants to play this game. Some take it as a passing hobby, others are more dedicated to it as a lifestyle. 
Like a pro golf player who lives and eats golf vs a casual player who just plays when he feels like it. 
Or cycling enthusiasts who buy all the gear and cycle from one end of Singapore to the other end, as compared to the folks who just cycle along East Coast park. 

Once again... it's what you want to take out of it. I really like this idea... cos it's like all my other funky ideas. Early semi retirement, financial independence, minimalism... basically, I think... all these... is about how we incorporate it within our own lives. It's not a fixed... it must be done this way idea. 
These are all concepts which we should just take in good spirit and see how we can best find a good balance for ourselves. 
Which leads to my next post...


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So I met Daniel from https://freeganinsingapore.wordpress.com/
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​You can find out more about him from the YouTubes below. 

A quick summary. 
He is/was a financial planner/adviser. Sometime back he had some form of depression due to "money no enough" thoughts. He went for some talks and met a mentor who thought him about Freegan living. Basically, living for FREE. 

So I'd be sharing about what I feel about this. What I learnt during our meet up and what I'd probably want to do or try out. 
Firstly, I'd like to say I was really excited about meeting him and how he does what he does. I take this whole discussion very positively and open mindedly. Some stuff, I may not do, but I don't look down on it. Different people do different things and have different tolerance levels. So to each his own. 
As I always say, keep the best, throw the rest. So if you or I can learn something from this, then learn it, else, forget it. 
For me, I know that there's likely some stuff which I would try to incorporate. 

So one of the things I asked him is... when he lives as a freegan, is it a statement? Meaning... does he make it a point to live for free. Not spend any money. So I asked him. What if I asked him to go to a coffeeshop for a cup of coffee. It's just a dollar. What does he feel about this? It's not that he can't afford it. It's only a dollar. 
His answer went something like... spending is a habit. You can have a cup of coffee for a dollar. And everything else is built up from there. The idea is, as a freegan, you try to live for free. He brought his own drinks which he obtained for free. I reckon he always brings stuff around. 
Personally, I liken this to being a vegetarian. Think about it. If one day, I decide to be a vegetarian. I could  easily just eat meat. Since for my past 35 years I have been eating meat. But on a whim, I think, I'd like to try being a vegetarian. IF so, I'd need to change my eating habits. I can't just for the convenience of it, decide to eat a burger. Then that just defeats the point of trying to be a vegetarian. 
The point is, it takes effort to be a vegetarian. Similarly, it takes effort to be a total freegan. It's just how dedicated you are to it. 

So like vegetarians, there's different levels of it. Some folks are vegetarian only on 1st and 15th of the lunar calendar, some folks do it once a week, some do it once a year, others can eat egg, some can't eat egg. Some are ok to cook with "contaminated cookery". Some vegetarians have a whole new set of cookery just for vegetarian food. 

Same as freegans. There's different levels of it. 
The idea of freegans is living for free. Or getting as much stuff for free that you might require.
This might mean the person might end up hoarding but that's a different issue. 
For Daniel, what he gets for free, he also gives for free, to him, collecting stuff is fun, it has become a hobby. He gets loads of stuff but he also knows he needs to find a way to "out process" the stuff. I used the term "out pro" (like army days, after going into camp, you get to out pro to check out of camp.) Cos if you can't out pro the stuff, the house clogs up and all the stuff becomes old and it becomes cluttered and messy. 

Anyway moving on.
Getting stuff for free... Now, everyone who's seen Daniel's videos mentally loiter around the idea of dumpster diving. People think its gross, unsightly... whatever. The thing is, I don't think that freeganism is about dumpster diving. It IS a method to live for free, but that's not the whole idea of it. 

For example...
Getting food from your neighbours. Many people cook too much and have left overs which they throw away. It is very common. I used to be called up to my neighbours places to help finish up food. This in itself is considered living for free. Helping people clear their food cos some people don't like to throw food away. So if you have enough neighbours as friends who cook regularly you could go everywhere to eat. This happened for awhile once to us, where after dinner, neighbours would call us up to their place to help them with food. Once they know you are always on call to help them with left overs, they will call you regularly over. Some days it is family ABC, other days it will be XYZ... etc etc. 

Similarly, you could ask your neighbours for their expired food which are open or sealed. If you're concerned with their storage conditions, then just get only those which are sealed. There's absolutely nothing wrong with consuming expired food. Just use some common sense. If it smells weird, or tastes weird just dump it. 

Or how about a friend who is moving house and asks you to go to their place to take whatever you want. That's also freegan living. Helping them clear up their stuff so that they don't have to throw it away. When I throw things away, I feel it's such a waste. I would rather find another owner for it. 

Then there are organizations which can't finish selling their stuff before expiry, or near expiry. If you have the right connections, you could ask them for their excess food. Canned food, biscuits, UHT milk, etc etc. The question is... do you have the lobang for these?

Or maybe you could ask the bakery downstairs or the fruit/vegetable seller, that at the end of the day, don't throw away their excess. Just put in a bag and you'll take them. That's also freeganism. Does it sound gross? No right? 

The whole problem with this is that most people think about freeganism as just about dumpster diving. Cos that's what makes it sound strange, weird, extreme, etc. The story sounds nicer when it's more extreme. 
But freeganism is so much more than that. It's about sharing and finding free stuff that people don't want and you are willing to take, and vice versa. 

But let's go down to the more extreme stuff.
Dumpster diving, I was talking to Daniel about how he does it. He says people have actually been doing this all the time. The karang guni guy is always hunting for stuff, the cardboard aunties, drink can aunties, etc etc.
(Does anyone look down on the cardboard auntie? For me, I don't. So if I see someone ransack the dumpster, as long as he doesn't leave it in a mess, I'm not bothered.)
Whatever... the best time to go on these expeditions is during weekends. That's when people find time to clean up their junk at home. So Saturday or Sunday nights are the best around 11pm onwards. 

He finds stuff left at void decks.
Ovens, microwaves, sofas, chairs, etc. Once again, these are the easy stuff. When people thing dumpster diving they think "gross stuff" so ... yes, Daniel and other dumpster divers open the bins, the big ones, the small ones, and they go through the plastic bags. Once again... the gross stuff are usually the plastic bags with the half eaten food, food waste, etc... So Daniel just doesn't find it necessary to open those. Cos there are so many other plastic bags to choose from. 
When you pack your room, you usually open a new plastic bag, and dump your clothes, and other stuff into it.... well everyone does that too. So there are plastic bags that are relatively clean without all the decomposing junk. Just open those, if you're squeamish.
There's so much stuff find in the trash that they can afford to be choosy. Of course if they want they could also open those with the food stuffs as well... 

Also, people leave fruits at void decks. Tied nicely in a plastic bag. Usually, I think they are used as offerings during prayers. Some folks are ok with eating it, others aren't. Are they gross? It's just a plastic bag of fruits left on the floor. What's so wrong with that? 

Then on the extreme end... I would think most people wouldn't want to be eating left over food at hawker centers, uneaten food left by strangers. But, think about it this way... do you have any issues sharing a pack of fries with your friend? How about some left over nuggets? Or chicken wings? Sounds edible? Is the 2 left over nuggets any worse just cos someone else left it there around 30 seconds ago? 
Then let's look at a half eaten burger... Daniel's advice is... you can just eat the side where the burger isn't bitten. Eat until close to the bite marks then just dump it. Sounds somewhat reasonable. 
Daniel has taken it further and eaten left overs at hawker centers... and yet, if you think about it another way, is this any different from sharing "zi char" with your friends and colleagues? 

Now, would I do this? Probably not. Like I said earlier. There's a whole lot of middle ground. And I'll try to incorporate stuff that I feel is reasonable enough for my wife and I to accept. 

I further asked Daniel. Why does he do this? Is it about getting free stuff? Or helping others? Cos he gets involved in many other organizations and people to help the less fortunate. Like foreign workers where he just gives away some of his stuff freely to them, for them to ship back to their home towns. Or at places where they give out free food. 
His response was that he was interested in helping people. 
But upon further querying, it was rather that... He started out cos he wanted free stuff so as to sustain his lifestyle. It was only AFTER he realized that there was so much to go around, and he had already taken care of his own needs, he found that he would like to share and help others. Cos there's just so much free stuff to go around. 
And I think this is a very important point to take home. If you realize everything is relatively free, or could be shared and passed around, 2nd hand, hand it to the next user who would like it... actually, there's so much MORE. The only problem is that usually, we don't know WHO will accept that chair/table that we want to throw away. Else, if we could... wouldn't we want to just pass it on to someone else who could make better use of it?
Once you find out that you can get almost anything for free, the thought becomes... why would I want to pay for it? The idea of... if you're at home, would you buy bottled water to drink? NO RIGHT? Why? Cos you can find water relatively free from the tap. So yes, tap water might have a different taste, but generally, it's ok, or you might choose to boil it. 

So if you think about it the freegan way, if you know that someday, eventually , you can find a handphone, a table, chairs, shoes, in the trash, or left at the void deck... would you want to buy unnecessary things? 
The word is unnecessary. So maybe there's these Gundam models I've always wanted... HEY I could likely find those in the trash. When I moved house last time, I threw away whole sets of old Lego. Vintage discontinued ones. I never knew there was a secondary market for these. And if I think about it, IF I throw these away, then similarly, other people also would throw all these away as well. So someday, a dumpster diver could find such stuff as well. Things that one wouldn't logically buy cos it's unnecessary. 

As we talked more, I asked him... for someone like me, who wants nothing. Why would I be dumpster diving? There's little material wants. I already have whatever I need at home. Any extra stuff is just clutter. And I liked his response... "You can upgrade." Upgrade your shoes, clothes, watch, etc... Hey that's a brilliant idea. Basically, it's like "buying" stuff that I never thought I needed. 

So it was really cool. Anyway, our discussion ended really quickly. The one and a half hours flew by really quickly. But I felt I learnt more about freegan living... it's about living for free, to look for free lobangs, it's not entirely about dumpster diving. That's just one aspect to it. A freegan can be a freegan without dumpster diving. 

Next is what I will be doing about it...
I'm keeping an open mind. I'd like to try some stuff out, dumpster diving, saving food and vegetables from being thrown out, etc. 
Of course I won't know how I'd take it (mentally). But to me, I give it a try, if it works out, fine, if it doesn't work out, then I could always go along with the other less extreme methods of freeganism. 

I'd likely not be eating leftover food from strangers. That's something I'd prefer not to be doing. 
But I'm pretty stoked about trying out the other stuff. Hey free stuff, why not right?
So like I say, keep the best, dump the rest. I'm trying to see how I can incorporate freegan mentality into my life. Where can I find the lobangs to get free stuff. The stuff I can't accept, I can just choose not to do. The stuff that I think I can accept or try, I can try to see if it works out, or if it's worth the effort, everything is up for grabs. Just try and see how it goes. 

As usual, I'll be updating on my freegan stuff at this blog so I guess it's going to be cool as I find new lobangs and get free stuff.
Stay tuned.



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So I had this discussion with my French friend when I used to be working. He came over to Singapore to work on local package, meaning, he is paid the same as any Singaporean in the same role. 

I asked him, "Why did you come to Singapore? Isn't France better? You can stay in a cheaper place slightly further away from the city, you have good benefits, social security, not so crowded, etc etc..."

And I was quite surprised at his reply...
He said... I don't remember exactly. It was something like...
The people aren't hardworking. Take things too slowly. Always looking for social security as their backup. 
Furthermore, if you are planning to stay further from the city in a cheaper place, then it's tantamount to staying in JB and travelling to Singapore to work everyday.

I was quite surprised and taken aback by this. Cos I always thought it was normal for people to stay slightly out of the city and travel to work and many people marvel at how good other countries are. Cheaper this cheaper that, better this better that. 

I talked to my wife about this and she also said... 
She has colleagues from her previous work place, she talked with them and they stay in the UK... They told her that it's pretty normal to have people who travel 1-2 hours per trip. So they wake up early to prepare, spend 2 hours on a train, then work then leave office on time, cos they have to catch a train back home at the end of the day... WOAH!!!

And here I was complaining about 30-40 min MRT rides... 
So I thought a bit and wondered... I think my perception is off by a bit...

I thought about... what's normal in Singapore?
Most people stay with their parents and move out only when married. Low income tax, no rental. Transport is fairly cheap, but likely will get to work within 45-60 mins. They have a relatively high disposable income. 
Cars are super expensive IF you want them, CPF is a 20% personal "tax" and you might get it back at around retirement age. Homes are affordable if you don't overextend yourself. 

Then I thought about the UK or France. 
Most people move out early. High income tax, high rental if you want to stay in the city area. Transport is expensive, so even if you rent cheaply outside of town, you "pay" for it by having an extended travelling time. There's still savings as compared to staying within the town region. They have a relatively low disposable income. 
Cars are cheap. 40% tax rates. Homes are affordable in the outskirts and good for retirement. 

I have a friend who moved to New York for work. 
She's not really established in her career yet. Young so not earning much... she's pretty frugal. Doesn't spend much. She's saying it's pretty tough to save and live in NY. Rental is high, she shares an apartment with a couple of flatmates. Purchased food is expensive, she has to buy stuff and prepare for herself for lunch. It is normal for people to pack their own lunch to work. She says her savings rate has dropped to a terribly low level after tax and rent. 
She's on a local package, so she's getting whatever a NY person would usually get in a similar role. 

So I do think, that every country has it's own plus and minus.
We can only say that living in Malaysia is cheap cos we earn Singapore dollars and convert it to ringgit. 
If we stayed and earn our money in Malaysia, we would likely also feel that money isn't enough. 

But what I think is a plus point that Singapore doesn't have is options. 
So like after I earn a certain amount of money, I would like to move to the outskirts of a country. A quieter area with less people and a more relaxed lifestyle. That... is not available in Singapore. In most bigger countries, there's this option. 

Now, please don't think I'm complaining, I'm not. I'm just thinking about it. Listing out some plus and minus and what I've heard from people whom I've spoken with. 
We all make our choices or live with them. 

I find this all like a game. Some places is good for farming gold, some places is good to get more experience points, other places is better for item drops. So we all pick our battles and choose or just live with whatever situation is presented to us. 
And if I'm not happy with Singapore, then I should find my own way out. But I'm ok for now... so... like that lor. 

Although I do think that it would be fun to live for an extended amount of time at another country. Like 6 months to a year for the experience of it and to see if I like it or not. I think it would be cool, cos I would have to leave everything behind here and move over and set it up again. And I think I won't have so much baggage from my past and I'll just live with less and the best thing is... I probably won't miss all the stuff I have at home... well... at least I THINK I won't miss all my stuff...


Anyway I'll be meeting Daniel from Freegan Singapore later today. I'm really excited to find out more about what and how he's doing what he's doing... Stay tuned. I'd be writing about that soon.


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I love the cosmos...
In Singapore, we don't see stars very much cos of all the light pollution. All the lights from HDBs and everything else hinder the ability to see stars.
I saw a sky of stars in Australia once and I was totally mesmerized by it. So many stars are out there and we can't see it cos of where we stay. 

So anyway... it's a short post... just for fun... and maybe to change your perspective. 

Why do stars only come out at night?
Is this a stupid question? 

Can you see stars in the day?
Why?

What is the brightest star in the sky?
If you know the answer to this, then look at the first question again.

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Ok so I know many of you won't know the answer and some of you won't bother to find out the answers. So I'll just state it simply.

Why do stars only come out at night?
The stars are always around.

Can you see stars in the day?
Yes and no. No you can't see the stars that you expect to see at night cos the Sun is brighter than them.

What is the brightest star in the sky?
The Sun is the brightest star in the sky...
So the point is... Yes you can see a star in the day. It's the Sun.


What's the point of this? 
Well... I think, everything depends on perspectives. 
Like, we always call the Sun the Sun... But how many of us know that it is actually a star. And that star is called the Sun. 


Or, to me, meat is meat. 
Dog meat is meat, cat meat, etc etc...
Some people make a hooha over eating dog meat, horse meat, whatever... so cruel...

Well, unless you're a vegetarian, all meat are cruel. The chicken, or fish or pig will die for us to consume. Just cos someone owns a pet dog doesn't make them less cruel that they don't eat dog. Or that dog eaters are cruel. 
That's unless the dog eater tortures the dog before eating it. 

Turn it around. If I own a pet fish, pet chicken, pet pig, doesn't mean I could start calling everyone else cruel cos I own pets. 

So once again, what's the point of all this? 
Perspectives. 

If I vote for the PAP... does that mean I support all their policies?
If I support WP does that mean everything the PAP has done is all wrong? 

We see this a lot. If someone speaks up for a PAP policy, people might label him a PAP dog. 
It's not always about PAP or WP... rather... let's look at things from a independent point of view. 
If something is right, then it's right. If it's wrong, then it's wrong. Then there's other opinions and there's no right or wrong. 
Some WP supporters will support WP regardless of right or wrong. 
Same as PAP supporters. They won't listen to what WP has to say. 

And I think it's a fallacy. It's not always yes or no. There's a whole load of in between. 
And it's important to look at things in multiple ways so that we can critique it, analyze it, and judge for ourselves what is good or bad, what works for us or not. 

We are very used to taking one position and defending it. 
If you support Man U, you don't support Liverpool. Why? Ever heard of anyone who says they support BOTH Man U and Liverpool? No right? I also dunno why.

When I was in school. And there was a marketing topic and the teacher was talking about healthy options for consumers. And everyone was talking about vegetarian food. And I highlighted... "But chicken is also healthy food. Why is everyone talking about vegetarian burgers?"
I was quickly ignored cos somehow, that line of thought was not mainstream... HUH?!

I think it was due to my Literature classes in secondary school. We always needed to critique the books and understand the characters in the books and keep a neutral point of view. To break down the points to smaller details to better understand them without putting in our own biases...

Then again... Maybe I'm just "guai-lan" and I always try to find the unconventional way to look at things just for the sake of it. LOL


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"Better" is defined by the couple, so that's not the point of this post.

It always comes up in shows and all that. 
"I want to find someone who loves me for who I am."
"I'm not going to change for anyone."
Or whatever derivative similar to this...

So somehow, I don't know... Hollywood or media or whatever, made it cool to be stick to your guns. And most of the time, it's fine. 
But yet, in a relationship, I find that highly...  unacceptable. 
Now, I'm not saying any method is wrong. But rather... is something else better for the relationship.

For example...
Not so long ago, I used to be really thrifty. And I mean really really thrifty. I was living with my parents, I didn't need to spend money, I didn't go out much, etc etc. I didn't really love to travel. I didn't mind travelling but, typically I can't be bothered. I like to eat, but I find expensive food pretty wasteful, cos... food is food. I like to eat nice stuff but I find that paying so much more for it is a waste. 

By right, there's nothing wrong with this mentality. It doesn't affect my parents and when I got together with my wife, there wasn't much issue living like that. 
But I knew my wife enjoyed going overseas more than me, and she liked eating more pricey food, and eventually, I thought... relax la. Strike a balance spend a bit more everyone is happier. 

Of course this is 2 way traffic. My wife also used to, and still does stuff that irritates me, but we work things out. Somethings are habits that can't be changed overnight, but I think it's important to be aware and make an effort to improve. 

I think the idea is very simple. Is this relationship worth changing for? Worth improving for? 
For some people, the answer is yes. For some people, they think it's not. That's fine, that's their choice. 

For me, I think, there are some very key principles/values that shouldn't be compromised. Those should be ironed out early in the relationship. Each couple has their own set of values. If those values aren't aligned, then there's no point in continuing the relationship. I think it would be unreasonable to expect a partner to change a key value for another partner. 

Different people have different key values. 
Someone may think that he will forever be super thrifty. And he can set that as his key value, that's his choice. And if he gets into a relationship with a girl who wants to spend more, and her key value is YOLO, then I think their relationship will be very rocky even if they think they love each other a lot. Eventually, something will break, cos it's very hard to live with someone with highly differing key values. 

So there's key values and then there's irritating habits. 
Key values could be things like, how to take care/respect your parents, financial values, how to bring up kids, religion, etc etc. Could be other stuff as well. 

Irritating habits could just be... not making the bed, not putting the dishes into the sink, leaving shoes outside of the shoe cabinet, etc. 

If you want to break up with your partner cos he keeps asking you to make the bed when you're the last one who wakes up, then that's your choice. For me, even if my wife wakes up after me, I still make the bed, cos I'm OCD, she makes the bed sometimes, but I always go back and inspect it after that. So even if she leaves the bed unmade, I'll just do it my way. Although I would prefer that she makes the bed to my standards. 

I know a couple who can't see eye to eye. And it's a key value of how to take care of the kids. The husband is very hands off, the wife is very hands on. Then the one who does more will end up feeling bitter and complain. Then the hands off one will say, "it's your choice to be hands on, don't blame me if you're busy."
I think this could/might have been sorted out before marriage. 
It really depends on how they built the relationship. Did they discuss how they wanted to raise their kids? Is this a core value to them? Does the wife expect the husband to be more hands on? Was this conveyed early in the relationship? Did the husband agree? 

But... their relationship, their choice. I didn't get involved. 
However, I did ponder about it... I can't say the husband is wrong, cos it's true. If the wife wants to be more hands on, it's her choice. She shouldn't complain. But as a wife, is it fair for her to expect her husband to help out with the kids more? Yes, it's fair for her to expect that. So... can't say she's wrong too. So it really boils down to their relationship dynamics and how they handle their issues and how they communicate.

For us, we discussed this early. IF we ever choose to have kids, we both agree that one of us... ME... will not work and take care of the kid/s, we both don't want our parents to take care of them. I'm better with kids, she's not so good with kids. IF we have kids, I'll have to understand that I can't expect much help from my wife, cos she's not good with entertaining kids and keeping them engaged. 

So what is today's post about? It's about changing to be a better person and working things out. Everyone has room for improvement. Somethings might not be wrong. Like my wife doesn't make the bed. But do I think it's better if she does it? Yes... For us, I don't bother too much, so I do it. But would it be good if she does it herself. Of course. 

Or for me, I think that I've become a better person when I'm not so sticky about money. I live happier now, less stress. I save when I can, and I look for good deals when I can. I don't just eat economic rice everyday. Could I have remained misery frugal? Yes. But I think it makes both of us happier, (she's probably happier), when I'm more relaxed about my spending. 

Or I've grown less aggressive in my driving. I don't speed as much. Some people may say, "I'm like that one. I enjoy driving fast." For me, I do enjoy driving fast and cutting lanes. But I think, that burns more fuel, it's more dangerous, etc... so I think... Ok, it's worthy to improve myself for that. 

So... I don't think life, or relationships are about... "You must accept me for who I am, I'm like that one. Else I'll just find someone else who can accept me."
I think it's about continuous improvement. To find common ground. To change and remove bad habits which might irritate the other party, but it might take some effort to remove. But hey! To me, if it removes a bad habit and makes my partner happy, it's a worthy thing to improve for. 

So I think, getting in a marriage or relationship isn't about finding someone who accepts you for who you are, yes and no... yes, it's to find someone who has aligned key values, things that die-die cannot change. But no, cos I think being with a partner is also about finding someone who will help you improve and also that you are willing to improve for your partner, and of course it works both ways. 

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I was discussing with my wife recently on buying Bitcoin...
Hey why not right? It could be a bubble or it could be a piece of the future. 
And I was asking her, any interest to buy 1 Bitcoin? It's around S$10,000.
And she was pretty much. Ok sure, we can afford it. It was quite flippant. She didn't think much about it.
That's one of the things I don't like about her, she doesn't think too much about things. But then I think too much about things, so we even each other out...

To me, there are many ways to invest, high risk, low risk, somewhere in between, hope for the best kind, etc etc... 
Bitcoin would be a hope for the best kind. If I buy Bitcoin, I'm not hoping for it to become S$20,000. I'm hoping for it to become S$500,000. Else I would rather make other investments. 
Anyway, the topic today isn't about Bitcoin...

Rather, when she said, "It's only S$10,000... we can afford it..."
I wondered and explained it to her... 
We can't look at this investment as only $10,000. Our AUM is made out of X number of S$10k. Means if we make X investments, all our AUM will be deployed. And I showed her how easy it is to find X relatively good companies to buy. 
So I told her, it's not about being able to afford it. But whether it is worth it. It's very easy to deploy all the funds to "small" S$10k investments here and there and in the end it could all be wasted. 

So the thing about it is... it all adds up. Cos there are so many investment options. High risk, high return, low risk lower return, passive investments, friend's businesses, jackpot bets, etc...

So for example...
S$100k is only 10 x S$10k
S$500k is only 50 x S$10k
S$1m is only 100 x S$10k

Can I find 10 or 100 good companies to invest in? YES.
Is it easy to spend or deploy 100 frivolous investments or spend 100 "sets" of S$10k? YES. 
So that's the whole idea... S$10k isn't a very bit amount.
But yet... if we look at it in groups. S$1m is made out of only 100 "S$10k-s".
We don't have S$1m so we don't even have 100 choices to make. 

When we get to S$10m... Ok then it gets a lot better. There's 1000 choices to make. At this point, yes, I think it is more ok to make a S$10k bet. I could put 90% into safe investments and make stupid bets on jackpot investments with the remaining S$1m, and I can play with 100 choices of stupid bets. 

But actually if I had S$10m, I'll just buy passive investments and live off the dividends...
The above is just an example...

Ok, some people would say... Just split up the blocks into S$5k groups. Then basically I could double my choices that I can make. Yep, that's do-able... Generally I make my investments in S$8k-S$10k blocks. Anything less, I find that the transaction costs is just not worth it and it's pretty much not worth the trouble. 
But hey... what do I know... I could have bought 100 Bitcoin when it used to be S$1 each and I would be a millionaire now. And the initial overlay would have been only S$100. So maybe these jackpot bets are supposed to be played in super small amounts like in blocks of S$100.

Anyway... this post is pretty much to highlight... that S$10k is not a small investment. Cos there aren't many S$10k investments we can make when we add it up in total... A little here, a little there... in the end, it's all gone. It's very fast...
I think that's also why many lottery winners spend their money very quickly. Toto is only S$1m... unless there's snowballing. 
But let's look at S$1m... it's only 100 decisions. Buy a watch here, buy a car, go on a nice Europe trip... etc etc... It just adds up really quickly. 

In the end... am I betting on Bitcoin... I dunno... I haven't concluded yet. I'm in no rush. If it runs without me then so be it. There are other investments for me to make anyway.


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So my wife recently was shopping on Qoo10 as usual. And she suddenly said. Hey I wanna buy some foldable hangers to bring on our trips. 
I was pretty much... HUH!? Don't hotels provide those?

So she felt that during our last trip, the hangers at the hotel felt slimy. And she decided that she needed to bring her own hangers. 

And I was kinda like... Yeaaaaaa rriiiggghhhttttt.....

Then she said... You know... the housekeeping isn't going to be wiping down hangers. 
People might go and exercise and hang their sweaty clothes on these hangers. They might use the hangers for hanging their underwear. We don't know... so... 

I was convinced. OKAY! Buy them... I mean... yea I do find it gross that someone might be hanging sweaty clothes on the hotel hangers. And these hangers were like... 80 cents each... So I thought... what the heck, just buy them. We can use them for all our trips. Not much issue. 

So she bought 10 and she's pretty happy about the purchase. 

I do realize that in a hotel, most of the stuff are likely to be dirty or contaminated. The remote control is also another thing which is pretty filthy. Everyone uses it. And there was this report somewhere that said there are people who boil their underwear in the kettle...
Like what the hell!!!
http://www.asiaone.com/world/people-have-been-boiling-their-underwear-hotel-kettles-and-its-super-gross

So yea... I don't use the kettle now as well...

She was quite surprised that I was so easily convinced cos she expected that I wouldn't want to buy the hangers. 
But... it's only S$8 for 10 and I do feel that it's gross and we can use the hangers for a very long time so, I thought it was a great idea and a fair enough purchase. 
We travel quite a lot as well...

Anyway. I'm not endorsing any product. It's just something that we did recently, although I think if it were the "old" me, I would NOT have purchased it, cos I would likely have considered it a waste... cos we could just as easily have wiped down the hangers in the hotel... but I'm starting to be a bit more relaxed on these things and I think it's for the better. 



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You know I don't have inspiration to write if I'm posting YouTube clips. 
Generally, I look through other sites to get some form of trigger to come up with a topic to write about. 

So I was looking through and this one popped up. I don't know who he is. But he seems famous enough. 
Talks a lot about what I believe in so... I thought it's worth a share. 

For all you folks who are reading this at work... I know some of you are... You can turn off the volume and it has subtitles for the whole speech. 

I found his speech very true about life, and luck and meaning to life. One of the more honest speeches I've heard. More realistic. 
Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

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